Like the never-ending Cher Farewell-Retirement-I Still Need the Money tour, I find that I keep coming back for one last gig on American Idol, Season Four. (Except that I don't get paid for my "art" and I am not sitting here wearing a 500-lb. headdress made out of 6-foot tall sequined plumes.)
So, another word enters the idolhabit glossary: to cher. As in when Regis asks, "Is that your final answer?" and you reply, "Yes. [cher]."
See, the muttered [cher] is the verbal equivalent of crossing your fingers behind your back. Yes, it's final, but that doesn't mean there---[cher!]---can't be more.
Now to the questions on which I will proceed to cher: Why did Carrie win American Idol? Why did Bo lose? The secret of the universe is . . .?
Which reminds me of the climactic scene in Back to the Future, where Doc "Great Scott!" Brown finds the envelope in his jacket and---trembling, shaking the envelope in the air angrily---he shouts over the howling wind of the storm that is about to cause the lightning that is about to strike the clock tower that is about to power the Delorean's capacitator: WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?
To which Marty replies, also shouting over said howling wind: IT'S . . . ABOUT . . . THE FUTURE!
And, indeed it is. But, first, the short answer:
Why did Carrie win? Vonzell.
Why did Bo lose? Vonzell.
Yes, Carrie was doing a fine job all by herself, but I really believe that it was Vonzell that put her over the top.
Carrie, unless you want to be really generous and part with that red Mustang convertible---and why not? Soon you'll be able to buy a whole herd of Mustangs---you ought to at least send Vonzell an extremely large assortment of floral arrangements.
(O/T, but speaking of sending flowers: Why is it that Renee Zellweger sent Kathy Griffin, comedienne extraordinaire, $500 worth of flowers for cracking that Renee was the third Olsen twin?
I mean, it's hilarious for sure, but what is Renee trying to say here? "Thank you, thank you, thank you for finding me worthy of inclusion in the Olsen twins?" Or, "Don't ever say that again, you stupid broad?"