American Idol Dumps The Bear
Chapter 4: Eighth World Wonder
By: The Raging Critic
Whew! I just got home from riding halfway across the world. I have been searching for the Eighth Wonder of the World. My butt cheeks are chafed from those dreaded chaps and poor little Seatriscuit is worn out from the ride. I hardly thought I could last through another long, drawn-out show due to the exhaustion. And then I realized - - - THIS THING IS ON FOR ONLY A HALF-HOUR TONIGHT!!!!! YEEEEHAAAW!
Seatriscuit gallops onstage and the fans were screaming mad! He then tells us that we broke a few records last night. Over 19.5 million votes were cast and the show received the highest Tuesday night rating ever! WOOOHOOOOOO! I then realize how lucky the viewers really are. After all, they could have tortured us with a Josh Gracin performance tonight. While the show is breaking records, he could have broken our ear drums. But Josh is not here now, and we have gathered here today to break a few hearts! It is time to send one of these country bumpkins home tonight!
Seatriscuit gets right to the point and introduces our guest performer tonight. HIP HIP HOORRRAAAAAY! Kimberley Locke is back! Ryan then insults her as she shimmies onstage. He exclaims, "here's proof that you don't have to be a WINNER or a STAR to be on this show."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! OH NO HE DIDN'T!
Oh yes he did.
K-Lo starts singing her new single for the first time ever! She starts out slow with her signature low-volume, weak, and shaky intro. Then WHAM BAM ALACAZAM - she belts it out like there is no tomorrow! Oh my golly, she found the Eighth Wonder of the World before I had a chance tom conquer this feat!!!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH! Sounds kinky!!!! I like it! K-Lo trudges on and the song is a gem! She cracked a high note at the end, but she finished it strong. She nailed a note that lasted so long that I started to think she was the eighth wonder herself. So you found the Eighth World Wonder Kimmy????? Please send it my way when you are through with it!
Randy said she was hot. Paula said she was amazing. Simon said she would make it through to the next round. OOOOH GOODIE! Does that mean we get to dump two of these contestants tonight in order to keep her????? One can only WONDER. Although K-Lo is really leaving us after tonight, we can all go out and buy her album on May 4th. Sign me up please!
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