I have to get this posted before midnight in order to join, and I spent the day singing myself hoarse, so I figure a quick rundown on tonight's American Idol will do the trick. Besides, with that as a start, things can only go uphill, right?
The theme was 70's Dance music (read Disco). Constantine kicked off the show with his well-established "drill that bores straight into the very pith of your limbic system" voice stylings. Thank God this guy loves himself enough that the rest of the world doesn't have to. If I have to be treated to another week of his spotty stubble clinging to those wannabe-jowls, I'm canceling my cable. Next up was Carrie. We all fell in love with her rendition of Heart's "Alone" about five weeks ago, but how long can she coast on that? Answer: until tonight. She was vocally uneven and physically arhythmic. Rounding out the disaster was a frock of such criminal taste that it would cause even a drag queen to run screaming.
The creepy for oh-so-many-reasons Scott actually entertained me for the first time EVER tonight with a delightfully upbeat number. Clinging desperately to the dwindling hope that he might make it through another week, he made sure to mention his mother's birthday on air. I made sure that he was the only one at my house who gave a shit. We both felt good about a job well done. Moving a notch up on the creepy scale, we discover Anthony "Feel-Sorry-for-me-because-I'm-an-immigrant-who-had-his-tonsils-out-a-long-time-ago" Fedorov. Anthony can sing beautifully, but sabotages his performance with injections of insincerity that would make Celine Dion proud. Somebody hit the gong, PLEASE.
Anwar came out on stage in a FABULOUS outfit and then proceeded to skip about on the stage as though his shoes were made of molten iron. What the hell WAS that? I don't even know if he sang well. I just kept waiting for him to pull out a skipping rope and do some "Double Dutch". Then the scary man went away.
Article comments
1 - Keefer
Citrus, thanks for your hilarious take on last night's show. I agree. What was Anwar doing? My friend and I thought it looked like he was "girlin out." And he was wearing a fabulous outfit. I think you know where I'm going with this...
2 - Eric Olsen
thanks Citrus, very nice job, welcome!