Unemployment: I So Enjoy It!

I have friends who are hopelessly mired in mistaken beliefs that not having a job means you are a total loser. Then they take a gig for not much more than minimum wage, and actually wind up losing money thanks to the heavy-duty commute.

Not me. I love being unemployed. I get to write, listen to records, and watch DVDs all day (and sometimes all night). What’s not to love about that life? Thanks GW for making all of the mortgage rules go away, and giving us this house. I live in a (pretty nice) home that the banks cannot foreclose on because they have lost the original paperwork.

To me, it is the ultimate “Screw You” middle-finger gesture. I have not had to show up at an office in over four years—and I do not miss it one iota. Shut up stupid Boss/Dickwad, I really don’t give a rip. You might have gotten up 15 minutes before me, but you are still just a dork.

Seriously though, why are no people embracing this lifestyle? I think it’s great! Working for “The Man” is an exercise in slow, monumentally tortuous suicide. Maybe I got lucky, but who is to say how we create our own reality anyway?

The point is, I wish my friends embraced unemployment the way I have. It is fun to enjoy life again. Office politics and all of the attendant nonsense have simply fallen by the wayside. Between you and me, I think I will live another 10 years beyond my employed friends, just because I don’t have to deal with the B.S. anymore.

I welcome comments from committed corporate lifers. And to those who are literally living hand to mouth, all I can say is that I am sorry. As the greatest President this country has ever known (Bill Clinton) once put it: “I feel your pain.”

Feel mine, because unemployment is the best thing that has ever happened to me.