Stephen Colbert is not the usual newscaster for many reasons. He puts a full 97% into each of his shows. He created the word of the year, truthiness (by the way spell check did not recognize truthiness, pick up the ball Microsoft) and he picked five for five on the Oscars. He is a protector of our nation, reminding us of the constant threat of bears: they don’t hibernate, they plan. Finally and most importantly as he often reminds us, he has the balls to tell the whole truth.
Last night, Stephen sent out another plea to Sir Slade asking him to make the right choice for an heir. This is a little backwards. Stephen shouldn’t be begging, it should be Sir Slade on his knees. Stephen would be the perfect heir, because he meets all your requirements. He is not a drug addict, he will take care of your dogs, and the lack of book cases saves Stephen the trouble of a bomb fire (he thinks books only complicate matters with facts). So please, Sir Slade, don’t be a fool, call Stephen up. He will not disappoint you.
In a nightly segment called “The Word,” Stephen celebrated the 73rd anniversary of Monopoly. I personally have never been a big fan of Monopoly because it is an unbeatable game that never ends unless I steal some of my neighbor’s money while they are getting popcorn. But I do realize how monopolies have helped America, having one company do everything that it takes to get a product to the market means that it COULD be considerably cheaper. I thank-you for pointing that out to us, Stephen.
Iraq is on the way to civil war. Many are calling this bad, but can you ever be happy? “By definition if there is a civil war we can’t be involved,” Stephen so rightly points out. So for those of you who keep pestering the President for an exit strategy, start writing your apology letters. Or wait, better yet, head over to the White House and form a line for formal apologies, for all is clear now.
Stephen also helped the Iraqis by passing on the information he has learned from our own Civil War. He reminded the president not to go to the theater and to make sure he has at least eight famous generals for a full chest set. As far as uniforms go, Stephen wisely suggests tan and a little bit darker tan. He also reminds soldiers to take lots of pictures to aid future re-enactors in creating the look.
His guest last night was Democrat James Webb, a Democrat gone Republican gone Democrat. With Stephen’s help we are able to make the conclusion that Mr. Webb believed Saddam was good for Iraq. James Webb is running for Senate in the state of Virginia and will likely be crushed. This brings me to my next opinion, Stephen; run for president…the country needs you. Think about it, being president of the United States will only up your value to Sir Slade. It makes sense.
Question for Stephen.
(OK, I know Stephen will come across this eventually, so every day I am going to ask a question.)
Stephen do you ever wish you had a Light Saber and if so, what color beam?