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TV Review: Survivor: Guatemala – Season Finale

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Tonight’s two hour season finale started out with an extended review of the entire season. It was a mediocre season of this so-called “reality” show, with many of the truly likable characters leaving early, and the annoying cast members sticking around for weeks and weeks. It should be mentioned that this tends to happen on Survivor, with the nice guys finishing last.

There was a bit of infrared “back at camp” shots of the final four contestants chatting about the Tribal Council. After a mercifully long commercial break, the show returns to “Morning at Camp”.

The Cast
(Stephenie and Bobby Jon not shown as they were surprise additions to the cast)


The day starts off with some silly “Tree-Mail” note about the cast members being “part of the Mayan history…” Yeah right. But then a group of native Guatemalans show up to perform a sacrificial offering to their Mayan ancestors. All is well and good until a live chicken is produced. There’s a degree of unease among the non-natives with Steph asking Rafe if they were going to kill the chicken. Rafe responds:

“Well, they just tore its head off, so I think it’s dead already.”

Indeed they had, and then they placed the carcass on the fire as an offering to the native gods. Steph wants to know if they would get to eat the chicken when all the mumbo jumbo is finished, and is basically told that it’s bad juju to eat a sacrificial animal. Despite this, once the natives have left the camp, Lydia and Steph return to the sacrificial fire and snatch the burnt chicken. The three ladies (is that the correct term, I wonder?) chow down. Rafe is the only contestant unwilling to break the sanctity of the sacrifice, much to his credit.

That night the area is hit by a strong storm, thunder and lightning and profuse rainfall, and speculation rises that “the gods” are angry. Feh. Still, they shouldn’t have eaten the chicken.

The next morning starts out soggy, with no food in sight. That’s okay, because the next fifteen minutes of show time is taken up by the obligatory “Memory Hike” whereby the remaining four walk past likenesses of their departed tribe mates and make superficial remarks. It’s really sad, and I don’t mean emotionally. The hike ends at the scene of the first –

Immunity Challenge:

The four must race around in a big maze, collecting pieces of some individual wooden puzzle. Once all the pieces are gathered, they need to put the puzzle together. Ho hum.

Rafe Wins Immunity!

The Politics Of Elimination:

Rafe keeps his promise to Danni, Steph is brought on board, and Lydia is voted out of the jungle. It was that simple.

The Final Three

Rafe – Steph – Danni

There’s only one variable left in this season of Survivor, that being Who will win immunity in the final challenge of the show? I laid out the potential match ups, and the guaranteed outcome of any given match in last week’s post. Nailed ‘em hard, I did…

SURVIVOR: Final Immunity Challenge:

The final challenge is a torturous balancing act, standing on a wobbly platform while holding on to two skinny overhead ropes (one for each hand). The contestants endure the heat of midday Guatemala, while they dream of what to spend big bucks on….

After an hour, the three are instructed to let go of one of the ropes. Within a minute all three are hanging from the single rope, thrashing about trying to get a foothold on the wobbly platform. Surprisingly, all three manage to position themselves with their feet on platform and their backs leaning against one of the structure’s supporting posts.

Time passes and the contestants are told they must release the final rope. From this point on, hand contact with any part of the structure is verboten. All three are enduring this uncomfortable position, until Rafe loses concentration and pushes against the post to shift his position. Rafe is OUT!

Danni and Steph endure. Steph’s backbone is slowly sliding down the post, and it becomes obvious that Danni has set herself more solidly. Pain takes its toll, and after two and a half hours of agonizing discomfort, Steph collapses to the ground weeping with pain and frustration.

Danni Wins Immunity!

Lovely Wife turns to me and says “Is that it?” I respond, “Yep, Danni just won a million bucks.”

And really, everything after this point is a formality. Danni votes Rafe out, taking Steph to the final two. Steph has back stabbed too many of the jury members to have a snowball’s chance in hell, and Danni is guaranteed the title, cash, car, and accolades that come to the sole survivor.

I must note that one of the best parts of these final episodes is seeing the contestants in Studio City, all dolled up and clean shaven – months after returning from whatever hellhole they lived in for the weeks during the show. Danni looked like a different person (uncomfortable with lipstick), Steph’s eyebrows still kinda creep me out, and the guys look almost gentlemanly. Jeff reads the jury’s votes and…

Danni Boatwright Wins Survivor: Guatemala!

The reunion show is interesting, with Jeff probing below the surface of some of the comments and strategies utilized by the cast members. Noting that Blake was voted out after talking on and on about his girlfriend’s breast enhancement, Jeff asked how that was received back in the real world. Blake’s response was the best line from last night’s show.

“My girlfriend was okay with it, but her dad called me and said ‘I never imagined that my daughter’s breasts would get you kicked off of the show’


Tune in next season for Survivor: Panama – Exile Island

CBS put together a really nice website for this season’s show at SURVIVOR. Beautiful pictures of the Mayan ruins are used as the background to each of the contestant’s “favorites” and “bio” information.
ED: JH

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About Bennett Dawson

  • http://www.maskedmoviesnobs.com El Bicho

    Who is Greg? It seems like you are talking about Jeff Probst. Have I missed a running joke?

  • Bennett

    Heh! Yeah, it’s a running joke I have going with Jeff. I call him by the wrong name all the time. He just loves it!

    It totally cracks him up…

    Really.

  • Bennett

    IM PISSED THAT DANNI WON

  • http://www.drumtracksbye.com Eric Bennett

    Hey Bennett,

    Bennett here!

    How are things in Vermont? Trekkies RULE, but starwars fans KICK their ASS! Lol……

    Are you still in the beer business?
    I will be traveling to Toronto to make an album with Mark Berry (www.markberry.com)in late January/Early February. T see what’s up with this go to http://www.sonicbids.com/schmoe and check out our online press kit, we are SCHMOE at present. How far is that from you?

    Anxious to catch up,

    Eric

  • Bennett

    Whoa! Eric Bennett in person? Folks, let me introduce you to a seriously dynamic drummer and professional explosives technician.

    Eric was our Drummer for a brief time in “The Eric Bennett Band”, with my buddy Eric Carroll on guitar, and me on bass guitar.

    With a name like “The Eric Bennett Band” all three of us were happy campers!

    So you found me via google I presume, cool! I’m in the ph book, so gimme a call. I’ll follow the links you left and will try to get in touch. Glad to hear that you’re doing well!

    Yep, still in Vermont, still in the beer biz.

    Cheers!

  • Anthony Grande

    How interesting…

  • Bennett

    …and it all happened years and years before you were born, AG.

  • Anthony Grande

    That makes it even more interesting. And maybe this guy didn’t even find you but it is a coicidence that he appeared at your thread.

  • Bennett

    Well, that’s what a young mind might think.

    Adults tend to google their old friends’ names to see what they might be doing after a dozen or so years have passed.

    But you have a ways to go before you understand.

  • Bennett

    Not me Ag, but I read some of the threads, and you really need to be a good little boy.

    I had “Forget it” as the translation, but it seemed unrelated to the conversation, so I wondered what you meant by it.

  • http://www.drumtracksbye.com eric lives

    Howdy Ho,

    Bennett you were exactly right, I found you on Google search, yep…

    Eric