Home / TV Review: Prison Break Confidential – Fire/Water

TV Review: Prison Break Confidential – Fire/Water

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A Stab at the Serious

Come on, raise your hands. You all thought Michael “MacGyver” Scofield was going to blow up Sona with all that alcohol and the rubber bags. You thought you’d see prisoners running around in flaming anguish! Instead, angelic Mr. Scofield fixed the plumbing!

Actually, if Fred Silverman were still alive there would definitely be a Scofield vs. MacGyver movie of the week during the summer off season.

Here’s why tonight’s episode was brilliant. Every time I thought of a joke, the writers fooled me and turned it around on me.

Lincoln to Michael: I’d trade places with you in a second.

Nice sentiment Linc, but that wouldn’t be very effective; you’re the brawn, not the brains in this partnership.

Then Lincoln pulls off his smartest move in the show's history. He anticipates that his blackmailer will know about the book he took from James Whistler’s girlfriend. He even does this as his tormentor makes the exact same joke to Lincoln’s face that I did above. Go to the head of the class, Lincoln Burrows.

Fernando Sucre. What didn’t I want to make fun of him for tonight? By far the most incompetent criminal on the show, it looked like he was doomed to once again let his all-consuming love for Maricruz overwhelm his tiny little lovable brain.

The following are the verbal Sucre smackdowns I scrawled down as I watched tonight’s show:

1. The Sucre/Maricruz mystery is over. Bellick didn’t kidnap her. He merely sent her fleeing for her life. Finding one woman in all of South America shouldn’t be that hard for Fernando; after all, he rode his cousin’s motorcycle across the United States in like a day and a half, and every law enforcement agency in the country was looking for him.

2. Maricruz is in Chicago, and Fernando, brilliant as ever, is going to get on to the first bus to the States. Dude, how about perhaps a phone call? Maricruz doesn’t have her photo up in every Post Office in the world.

3. Sucre passing up a bus trip to Chicago has the first second thought of his life!

But then in a brilliant piece of acting by Amaury Nolasco, Sucre tearfully realizes that he needs to get his life together before reclaiming Maricruz. See, maybe all of those people who told you that you had to be okay with yourself before being with somebody else were right!

William Fincher gets the Viggo Mortensen Bad Ass of the Night award for basically taking on the whole prison while going through withdrawal and winding up with a draw. Loved the “halo” crack he fired at Michael.

In other news, Lucero, apparently doesn’t have Sona as well controlled as he led Michael to believe. It’s not a good idea to be feasting upstairs on rat sandwiches, while everyone else is starving. Very reminiscent of Orwell’s Animal Farm, and that was the high culture reference of the week.

Good Things About the Spoiler for Next Week

Thank God, it’s apparently crossed the brothers' minds that it might be easier to free Sara and LJ in a week than it would be to escape from Sona!

More T-Bag! “You best be thinking twice, pretty!”

The Silly

As I watch tonight’s opening scene of Brad Bellick walking around in a diaper, beaten within an inch of his life, begging for water and discussing the joys of eating rat meat, I can only think that the Parents Television Council, source of 99% of all FCC complaints, must really love what Fox and Prison Break have done with “family hour.”

Speaking of Bellick, Wade Williams deserves like 10 million dollars an episode for the stuff they are putting him through. Compared to Bellick, Michael and Mahone look like they’ve been vacationing in the Hamptions.

One second it looks like Michael has like a thimble full of water, the next second his glass is half full! That has to bode well for the optimists among us.

The Company’s sexy liaison tells Lincoln her name is Susan B. Anthony. I’m pretty sure Lincoln knows that she’s lying and that Susan B. Anthony was a famous suffragette, but I wouldn’t bet my life on it. Lincoln does show progress. He’s learned that you don’t threaten your tormentor, you threaten their entire family. Susan, though, doesn’t look like she has a family.

Mahone is totally Jonesing for drugs, but the investigator in him still finds James Whistler in like 30 seconds, nice job.

The kid in the Tracey McGrady jersey – the Latino “Tweener”?

Vera – the Latino Robin Tunney?

Michael – plastic bags and alcohol – the new MacGyver!

I used the MacGyver joke twice, but I’ll attempt to redeem it. My aunt used to work for Hearst. One day she found Richard Dean Anderson. He had locked himself into the Hearst stairwell and couldn’t get out. He begged her not to ruin his rep! True story, if you can trust my Aunt.

T-Bag essentially tells Bellick: I’m a child molester and people like me better than you here. But because he’s T-Bag he says it much better than that, referencing urine and telling Bellick to “scamper.”

Final Thoughts

A brilliantly plotted and realized episode and yet, somehow, I’d trade it all just to have Robert Knepper teach me strange new vocabulary words for an hour.

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About Brad Laidman

  • Oo~

    it was cool to read tho ive gotta say i disagree it u in many places, but still a nice read.

  • I liked the episode too, but I don’t understand how did Michael already know that the water pipe had something in it and found it so easily (He’s just making the bomb and there’s no scene where he actually seems to search for the cause of the lack of water). Michael Scoffield’s part in this McGyver scene was a total deus ex machina, IMO.