Well, clearly the most important thing that happened in this week’s all new Prison Break was that Brad Bellick came dangerously close to trading his beefy man virginity for a tennis shoe! All muscle, indeed. Well done, Bradley!
The big fear with this season of Prison Break has to be that it will simply be a rehash of the first season. New prison, same old plot. After the show, I surfed my way over to the Internet Movie Database to find out the name of this week’s episode and accidentally clicked on the third episode of season one, which turned out to be called "Cell Test," a title that sadly fits this episode, which revolved around a cell phone, just as much as the episode's real name. In short, Michael’s breaking out and eventually everyone knows what he’s up to and he has to take them with him. This week Brad Bellick found out about Mission Whistler, while stealing that precious tennis shoe. Since we found that Whistler, is indeed, just a fisherman, let's hope that this season doesn’t turn into just another far-fetched fish tale.
Have you ever seen the movie Se7en? Well, the producers of Prison Break have and they dropped a little surprise for Lincoln in a plain white box, the contents of which we’re left to ponder for a week. So place your bets on what body part is in Lincoln’s “You unsuccessfully tried to break our hostages loose” present. L.J.’s hand? Sara’s foot? Gwyneth Paltrow’s much maligned Oscar outfit of a few years ago?
The failed rescue attempt pretty much means that this entire episode was little more than filler. We did however sort of get to see Sara this week, and can we all agree? Worst body double ever! That woman looked about 150 pounds heavier than Sarah Wayne Callies. That didn’t sound much like her voice either.
Since this week’s episode also hinged on a haircut, is it okay to wonder why Mahone looks like Abraham Lincoln and Michael looks like he just had a beltway makeover? We also finally found out what drug Mahone is hooked on this week, not that the name means anything to me, as the ex-Fed wound up begging for some after his public defense lawyer informed the poor Jonesing sap that he was lucky to get a court date a year from now. I almost expected to see him tell the lawyer that he really, honestly does have a prescription. Does Mahone really think that Michael would testify for him in a court of law or is that just the wishful thinking of a junkie? Poor Mahone, will he submit to H as a poor substitute for the pills he craves?
Mahone also became yet another character to take a crack at Michael’s morality when he told Whistler that Michael, in effect, would do anything to help the ones he cares about no matter who he screws over. Uh, Alexander, last time I checked, you killed Michael’s father and tried to steal his money and his boat. The only thing he’s done to you is stop you from killing him. How about we lay off of the name calling?
Another week, another case of too little T-Bag. Hopefully, this will change because it sure seems like Teddy has cast himself as Iago in the Othello-like kingdom of Lechero. Isn’t it funny how no matter what a crappy place you live in, someone still is happy to be king of it?
As for escape part two, it’s become pretty clear that Michael has hatched a plan based on the dead bodies that come flowing out of Sona on a daily basis. Let’s continue to try to forget how absurd the notion of a prison that the state just lets run itself like a contained jungle is. I can understand not wanting to retake the prison, but why keep filling it up with more inmates?
In other news, I still have no idea why I should care about the ESPN-obsessed Latino “Tweener,” which reminds us that the real Tweener is unfortunately in a real jail after a drunken outing with some teen fans went sour, and Sucre’s week of nobility came crashing down into a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Be here next week as Monty shows us what’s in Box Number One!