Witch hunts are my Valium, Serena.
Want a great episode of Gossip Girl? Then both Chuck and Blair need to be properly motivated, and they certainly were this week.
Chuck went after Uncle Jack with anthrax, transsexual prostitutes, and Megan’s list, and Blair reunited with the Mini-Blairs to go after an extremely out-of-her-element Iowa-bred new teacher, who looks younger than Eric, but turned out to be more formidable than Jack.
Who Got Into Yale?
Well, Dan did, and I can only agree with Blair when she likened him to “a cafeteria worker who won the lottery.”
Serena, of course, got in based on her ritzy street cred, but either out of sympathy for the wait-listed Blair or as a form of personal growth decided to give her spot to her best friend and go to Brown, which of course threw the lovesick Dan into another one of his emotionally judgmental tizzies. Seriously, can Chuck just have Dan run over with a truck right now?
Devil or Angel
In a hilarious sequence, Blair, having already gotten everything she ever wanted, played the devil and angel on my shoulder game with her two top Lieutenants, and decided that the new teacher, who dared to give her a B, needed to find out who was really in charge of Constance Billard. Sadly for Blair, it turned out to be the headmistress, leaving her in detention, back on the Yale waiting list, and priming herself for an extreme escalation.
Has there ever been a funnier moment on this show than Derota asking Blair, “Are we going to war?”
Funny that tonight's episode referenced You've Got Mail, where Tom Hanks instructed Meg Ryan to go to the mattresses, because that appears to be exactly what Blair is about to do.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend
Chuck desperate to take down his Uncle Jack decides to ally himself with Lily. Lily almost gets raped by Uncle Jack (it’s that kind of family), but in the end she adopts Chuck, who is happy to be adopted, and all’s well that ends well. How strange was it to see Chuck rescuing someone from a rape with a well-timed uppercut instead of the other way around? That boy is truly growing.
Jack is back to Australia
Will we never find out what happened between him and Blair on New Year's Eve?
Dan and the new teacher
Was I supposed to have recognized some sexual attraction there? Is it really time for a Mary Kay Letourneau subplot on Gossip Girl?
Nate takes Vanessa to the opera
Vanessa tries to retain her bohemian sensibilities; sells out in the end. Saw it coming and slept through it. Nate did look interesting with his hair slicked back, though.
Lily and Rufus finally together
Dan is creeped out. Serena is creeped out. Chuck is furious. But luckily Eric gets his best line in the history of the show when he says, “I would say get a room, but yours is right over mine. I would remember that.” Bravo, Eric!