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TV Review: Gossip Girl – “The Magnificent Archibalds”

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Well, for 58 minutes I was pretty bored by this week’s episode of Gossip Girl.

One week of zero Chuck/Blair interaction is a felony. Two straight weeks is a capital offense. If I’m supposed to get my weekly sexual sizzle from Serena and Aaron, this show is in serious trouble. If the next Gossip Girl is to have no Chuck and Blair, tell me now so I can watch Hannah Montana reruns instead.

Anyway, up to the last two minutes, the two things that I was the most interested in were:

  1. Chuck has his own personal hair stylist at home who also serves him martinis.
  2. When Blair’s mother calls Dorota, Blair’s Hispanic nanny, the ring tone is Britney Spears’ “I’m a Slave 4 U.” Didn’t Lincoln free the slaves?

But then again there was that last two minutes, where we learned that:

Vanessa is a HEINOUS BITCH! There you are telling Nate to turn his dad into the Feds and then you commit a federal offense by stealing mail! Look, skank — you had your chance with Nate and you blew it. Go off with Dan and become the most annoying couple in the history of the world and leave those cute young lovers to themselves.

Idiotic Statement of the Week: Jenny is shocked when she finds out that she has to notify her parents in order to emancipate herself from them.

Aaron Sucks: Serena has really bad taste in men. There was that dude that died of a coke overdose. Then there was Dan. Now we have Aaron, who is such a pompous twit that he makes Dan look sympathetic. “Serena, I’ve decided to be a one woman man.” What a dillweed.

The Annual Thanksgiving Worst-Parent-Alive Contest: Here are the results from last to first:

  • Rufus — calmly used Sting’s “Set Them Free” advice to end the disharmony in his loft.
  • Lily — concealed her mental problems from her suicidal gay son, but seems to be trying harder of late.
  • Blair’s Dad — he showed up for Thanksgiving, but given Blair’s obsession with every single special occasion on earth, should have foregone the surprise and saved her the angst.
  • Blair’s Mom — Isn’t it time you got to know your daughter about a third as well as your nanny does?
  • Nate's Mom — Is there something about the Captain that I'm missing? What's up with the addiction to that twit?
  • The Captain — He was a clear-cut winner, what with wanting to kidnap his son and all, but he did turn himself in to the Feds to narrowly escape the top spot. As for the FBI, wouldn’t it be more effective to just arrest the dad rather than guilt trip the son? Just asking.
  • Bart Bass — Was there ever really any doubt? Bart wins this week by showing off his J. Edgar Hoover/I’ve-got-a-dossier-on-everyone side. When his family confronts him about his spying habits, he decides that he needs to spy even more. Well done, Bart. You are today’s Worrrrrssssst Person in the Woooorrrrrrrlllllld (Keith Olbermann™).

Note for next week: Can we please have some Chuck and Blair?

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About keithcrime

  • http://advo88.blogspot.com advo

    Bart might not go about it in the right way, but honestly, his intentions are right. He does just want to protect his family. Besides, this guy is a multi-millionaire/billionaire kind of guy, so I’m really not surprised by his need for control. And I thought it was pretty lame that Lily hadn’t guessed he had dossiers on her kids as well, when he had on her. I also thought it was a lame reason for skipping out on Bart to spend Thanksgiving with your ex-boyfriend and his family! Okay, so you are pissed at your husband, but it wasn’t that big of deal. If you are that angry, then yell at him or something. You don’t just run off! Agree with you, overall what a lame episode.