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TV Review: Gossip Girl – “Pret-A-Poor-J”

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Well, this week on Gossip Girl we clearly need to discuss Dan and Serena’s latest effort to become friends. Uh, yeah, not so much — the main couple on this show could get hit by a bus right now, and I’m not really sure that anyone who watches would care.

New Levels of Inappropriateness: What’s happening in this country? John McCain is tanking in the polls and there isn’t a Bible Belter to be found to protest this show? I feel like a respected adversary has abandoned me.

It was one thing to have Blair and Serena dressing up like Maxim girls and touring the bar scene, but 15-year-old Taylor Momsen? Wow. Little Jenny has a new hairdo. She’s got a new goth look. She’s trolling bars and exchanging dresses in the bathroom with an arguably bisexual, coked-out model and her creepy photographer boyfriend. Hey, look, now she’s dancing in her bra with the model as the boyfriend chronicles the escapade on film! Hmm, how do we top this off? Hey, let’s have her passionately kiss 23-year-old Chace Crawford! Poor Jerry Falwell is somewhere spinning in his grave and the moral majority is nowhere to be found. Does the Parents Television Council know about this show? They’ve been whining about profanity on adult shows for years and this gets a pass?

Oh wait, they were the ones that called the show's porn-like ads “mind-blowingly inappropriate.” You remember the quote that the producers of the show gladly incorporated into their “mind-blowingly inappropriate” ads like a badge of honor. Ten years ago this would have been the apocalypse. Now — yawn! Yes, folks, the election isn’t until Tuesday, but you heard it here first. The right has lost the culture war.

How I Feel About This: I don’t have any kids. I love it. Okay, the 15-year-old dancing in a black bra, I technically have to say I’m uncomfortable with that, but … you know.

The Jenny Coup D'Etat: It’s hard to figure this one. Jenny’s clearly out of her league with her new model friend, who wants to show her the fashion industry and have her start her own line. Her argument that she knows who she is and won’t get sucked in doesn’t carry much weight seeing that this was exactly what she said last season about her flirtation with Blair that ended with her stealing a dress that was worth as much as Papa Rufus has made in his entire life.

On the other hand, mega-titan Eleanor Waldorf has been pretty much reduced to stealing from a 15 year old to save her street cred. Either way, I’m guessing Rufus isn’t going to be pleased when those “we were just dancing in our underwear” pictures hit the net.

Nate the Savior: Uh, dude that was nice what you did there, but how about grabbing the photos from the scumbag photographer who thought he was a sure thing for a three-way?

Nate Has No Survival Instinct: Uh, dude, the Humphreys just took you in off the streets. I'm guessing that Rufus's generosity doesn't include macking on his daughter. You're pretty close to winding up in South America with the Captain.

Back to Dan and Serena: Okay, maybe not.

Blair in Heat: Thank God Leighton Meester is 22 because she practically filmed soft core porn in this episode. If Dan and Serena are at a 7 on the hot meter, then Chuck and Blair have hit 700 degrees Kelvin. Really, this whole plot line makes the proposed Melrose Place reboot look like a possible mid-season replacement for Hannah Montana.

Nanny Knows Best: Blair has an erotic dream about Chuck. Her nanny wakes her. Blair implies that she needs to uh … take care of business. Nanny scolds her. Did I mention that I love this show?

Blair Doesn’t Think Well When in Heat: Oh, how the evil geniuses falter when in lust. She’s suddenly taking romantic advice from Dan?

Dan Goes Rogue: Vanessa informs Dan about last week’s Blair being Blair and trying to ruin her life. Dan sabotages the Blair and Chuck consummation. Of course, Serena yells at Dan and he whines for forgiveness.

Chuck and Blair Get Mature: How credible this was after a build-up worthy of Larry Flynt I’m not sure, but in the end Blair and Chuck touchingly admit to each other that they are too young to be as serious as they feel. Where it goes from here is anyone’s guess, but there’s little doubt that this is the hottest couple on television.

Someone Is Still Slated to Die: Did I mention that I wouldn’t mind if it were Dan?

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  • Molly

    Your reviews on Gossip Girl are brilliant. You say everything exactly how I also see it. I love the show. Are you going to review the last episode??

  • brad laidman

    thanks

    yes, sorry i’m behind – should be up monday and then more prompt after that