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TV Review: Gossip Girl – “In the Realm of the Basses”

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An official apology

In my last Gossip Girl write up, I may have appeared to have been rooting for Rufus and Lily’s secret love child to have ended its brief secret life as a fetus. I’m not exactly sure how heinous it is to have wanted a fictional character to have been aborted, but let’s say that now that I know that he’s out there and likely doing fine… well, actually I hate the whole subplot and still sort of wish he had been aborted.

Dan and Serena are back together!!!!

I could take Rufus’ view of this reunion: “I’m telling you, this is a mistake.”  Instead, I’ll take Blair’s side: “I’m going to go vomit now.”

“I’m Chuck Bass — No one cares.”

Chuck went through a glorious male version of a slut spiral this week. I probably shouldn’t have been so giddy to see him smoking hash in a Bangkok opium den, but frankly, I loved every second of it.

When his school’s headmistress accused Chuck of smoking marijuana at school, Chuck coolly and thrillingly responded, “It was hash actually, I’ve found that it gives a softer high.” When given a temporary reprieve by said headmistress as long as he promised to never do it again, Chuck pulled out another hash cigarette and eventually explained that he was just doing his best to “live up to his potential” as the anti-Christ we all know him to be. We could talk like that to our elders too if we had a billion dollars!

“This time I looked in his eyes — I couldn't see him anymore.”

This was simply a bravura episode for Leighton Meester as Blair, and the key to the whole episode was that 30 seconds in front of the mirror where she wanted to break out into tears over Chuck, but fought them back through sheer force of will, because she of course had yet another important party to throw. In the end, she dismissed High School politics as "High School;" Colony Club politics as "High School;" and of course, tenderly talked Chuck off a literal ledge of despair.

“He can’t know what happened on New Year’s.”

Blair and Chuck’s not to be trusted Uncle Jack has a secret, and I’m dying to know what it is.

“How Dickensian”

Will Lily’s kids finally decide they’ve had enough of her past? Will Dan still be able to sleep with Serena knowing that their DNA has already been combined once before? Will Rufus and Lily forgive the past and finally be happy? Frankly, I’m not sure that I really care that much. Every time I had to deal with this issue, I found myself thinking "I wonder what Chuck and Blair are up to."

No Vanessa this episode

Priceless

Little J triumphant

Jenny went back to school and tried to free a girl from the storm trooper grip of the mini-Blairs. How Abraham Lincoln of her! As it turned out, the slave didn’t want to be free, she just wanted a new slave master. For a second, Jenny was the Queen Bee of the school, and like Blair finally decided that it’s something worth abdicating.

Massive Eric time

We still don’t know what happened with Eric and his boyfriend, but nevertheless, he was all over this episode. How he got into that strip club of Chuck’s looking about 12, I have no idea, but it was still nice that Chuck, even at the height of his hash induced dementia told him that it was nice being his big brother while it lasted.

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