Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall, Who's the Most Evil of Them All?
4. The Mini-Blairs: If you ever needed to know why or how Nazi Germany happened, these girls would be a good group to study. With Blair preoccupied full time Chuck-wise these young storm troopers are completely out of control.
Mini-Blair #1: His dad just died.
Mini-Blair #2: Yeah, like a month ago!
As Blair said, “It’s so hard finding obedient minions.”
As if their treachery wasn’t bad enough, we got to see the next generation accost Dan and Vanessa in a candy store. I’m not sure what to call these evil tweens. The super mini-Blairs?
3. Uncle Jack: While we still don’t know what happened between him and Blair on New Year’s Eve, we do know that something was seriously off with the way the elder Bass men were raised. Did they have parents like Hitler and Stalin or is that just what it takes to succeed in business?
Uncle Jack set up poor Chuck in a maneuver so obvious that only Blair and Chuck couldn’t see it coming a hundred miles away. I understand Chuck being fooled, he’s been going through a lot and he has an obvious weakness for cocaine and whores, but Blair was left heartbroken and empty and we have to wonder why her Machiavellian sixth sense never kicked in.
2. Me: When I heard that Lily and Rufus’s love spawn had died in a sailing accident, I was practically jumping up and down screaming with joy. Enough with this silly plot twist. Sadly, I was taken in just as easily as the former rocker and his troubled “it” girl.
1. The adoptive parents: They lied! Love spawn is alive and well. In the real world, we’d never broach this topic again, but my guess is that Gossip Girl's investigative powers will figure out the real truth in less than three episodes.
The Heartbreak of Blair Waldorf
It’s pretty amazing that Chuck ditched his night with Blair for a night of skanks and blow in about six seconds flat, and yet I still wish these two star-crossed lovers could work things out. Poor Blair, she’s spent the last month as Mother Theresa (albeit perhaps New Year’s Eve) and look what it’s gotten her, nothing but heartache.
That's a Little More Hillbilly Than I Can Handle
Why do I hate everything that is Dan and Serena? Maybe it’s the fact that every fight they have is a silly manufactured misunderstanding. Maybe, it’s the fact that Dan is the most annoying character in serial television history. Probably, it’s that Dan references classic Russian literature and Serena responds with a scene from Clueless.
Jenny is the Third Wheel
Lots of Eric this week, and as usual he continues to be the most sane and fully realized character on the show. Maybe trying to kill yourself and failing leaves you with a Zen understanding of the world. Hopefully, his patience with the insanity of his world will finally help him get laid.
In Other News…
Nate is still a nice guy. Vanessa is still nearly as annoying as Dan. Rufus and Lily got it on (way to hold on to your self-righteous anger, R!). See you next week.