Despite the fact that his father stole $200,000 from him last week, Nate was away helping him close up his boat. Chuck was apparently with him, because even though he’s King of the Universe, Chuck is in love with Nate.
In honor of their missing comrades, all the other kids spend the night hanging out at various dive bars and night clubs. In the world of Gossip Girl, nobody cards.
Here is my breakdown of the real world chances of getting into the depicted clubs:
Serena: She’s the bomb, they’ll let her in anywhere.
Dan: No chance, he’ll be carded until he’s 30.
Blair and assorted mini-Blairs: Dressed to kill, looking good, giggling – reasonable shot.
Eric: Are you kidding me? He doesn’t even look like he is really 14. Maybe if he flashes a 100 instead of an ID.
Jenny: No chance, the way she’s dressed, the fact that she’s obviously underage – that’s a bar closing waiting to happen. Later in the episode, she reveals that she doesn’t even have an ID fake or otherwise.
Since Dan revealed this week that he rambles when he’s nervous let’s take a look at:
The Evolution of a Stereotype
The Unsurpassed Original: Say Anything’s Lloyd Dobler (John Cusack) – definitely working class and proud of it, but has no ill will toward anyone – rambles brilliantly funny and lovable monologues when he is nervous – willing to devote his whole life to Diane Cort, a girl seemingly out of his class, and she’s lucky to have him.
The Geekier TV Version: The OC’s Seth Cohen (Adam Brody) – has class issues even though he’s technically of the same class – rambles cleverly when he’s nervous – willing to devote his whole life to Summer Roberts, a girl seemingly out of his class, and he proves himself worthy of her love.
The Beaten Down Stereotype: Gossip Girl’s Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgely) – has class issues – rambles in a fairly boring way when he’s nervous – willing to devote his whole life to Serena van der Woodsen, a girl totally out of his class, when he’s not busy judging her, and so far doesn’t deserve her at all.
In case, you didn’t realize it, this show is not a chick show, but instead is aimed at dorky guys dreaming of sexy true love. I’m one of them, and I definitely enjoyed the sexy, girl on girl kissing, slumber party. Congratulations to the producers of stopping just short of porn.
Dan’s Only Redeeming Feature
He seems to have mastered this suave Don Juan thing when Serena is flirting with him, not very believable, but impressive nonetheless.
How Stupid Is Dan – Let Me Count the Ways
- Says, “I can’t just take Serena to a movie on our first date,” apparently forgetting that he was about to do just that last week, the week before he was going to take her to his dad’s concert. He just keeps steadily regressing.
- Hating the rich kids he goes to school with, but assuming that he has to adopt a similar role to impress Serena.
- Picking a fight with about 14 drunk Wall Street guys.
- No sense of immediacy. When Serena told him she loved Vespas, he should have just stolen it and taken credit for renting one. Who’s gonna miss a Vespa for three hours?
- Loving Serena, but seemingly having no idea what makes her so awesome. And she is awesome. She’s low key. She’s flirty. She’s hot as hell. She seems to have a brain. She’s stylish, but not ostentatiously so. Face it, I deserve her so much more than that loser Dan.
If this is the hero of the show, he needs some work.
The kid is on a first date. Stop being an ass.
Least Surprising Plot Development of the Week
Blair’s must-attend annual sleepover is the same night as Serena’s date with Dan. Hasn’t this happened every single episode? Then again Blair apparently throws a lot of must-attend parties.
How Blair (looking more like Shannon Doherty every week) Deals With This
Unable to credibly lash out at Dan, she passive-aggressively goes after Jenny.
Just Who Is Jenny?
She tells Dan that she knows who she is and maybe she does. Talks her way out of jail by pretending to be Blair and throwing on the charm, passes the Blair 'how bad can you be' social status test, refuses to sleep with Blair, but requests a calm lunch date. Where will Jenny’s class conscious social climbing end? Does she like Blair at all, or is she merely trying to leap to the top of the food chain so she can be Queen Bitch after Blair graduates? I have no idea, and I’m not really that sure that I care.
Melting of the Ice Queen Moment of the Week
Lily wonders why her son tried to kill himself. Then she realizes that it’s because she smothers him like the NYFD reacts to a four-alarm fire.
Three’s Company Moment of the Week
Rufus calls his wife Allison. A guy friend answers and says she is getting out of the shower. Ouch! Of course, when Allison calls back, the woman she is most jealous of, Lily, innocently answers the phone. Well, it was sort of innocent.
I Can Tell You Because You Aren’t Anywhere Close to My Social Stratum
Lily finally admits to someone – Rufus – that Eric tried to kill himself.
Fashion Statement of the Week
Serena wears some kind of necklace that drapes well below her knees.
Comment on the Mini-Blairs That I Stole From Someone Somewhere on the Web
“I'm irked that the only minority actors in this show play oligosyllabic dress-up dollies who look like they belong in a Gwen Stefani music video.”
I’m not even sure what that means exactly, but I’m offering five dollars to anyone who can show that Kati and Isabel have actually ever been called by their names or introduced anytime in the show’s five-week run.Powered by Sidelines