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TV Review: Gossip Girl – “Bonfire of the Vanity”

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Wow, am I psychic or what? Just a few weeks ago, I quoted Wallace Shawn in this column, and now here he is dating Blair’s mother. Is that too weird or what? Surprisingly, well not really, Blair isn’t a big fan of the little hugging schnook. Strange, I would have thought Blair to be a big fan of Shawn’s movie Clueless.

Who’s the most cutthroat of all?

Is it Chuck, Dan, Blair, Agnes? No. It’s not even the super evil Bart Bass, who we learned built his entire empire via arson and accidental murder. It’s Jenny by a landslide. She might have been right to ditch ditzy model Agnes, whose head grew too large too quickly, but it took her significantly less than one second to agree to divorce her mom and dad. Are you sure you don’t want to give this emancipation thing some thought Jenny? No, “Let’s do it!” Cold.

Blow out the damn matches, girlfriend!

When Agnes found out that she had been 86’d by little Jenny, she takes all of Jenny’s dresses, tosses them in a garbage can, pours lighter fluid on them, and sets them on fire, and all the while Jenny stands there crying. What? How about doing something to stop Agnes? You had plenty of time and you just stood there like you were helpless.

Where did you sleep last night?

Jenny got booted by both Rufus and Agnes. Whose futon did she wake up on?

Nate’s letter

Nate was still AWOL and the contents of his letter to Jenny… who knows.

Was that Cyndi Lauper or Penny Marshall?

Cyndi seemed less than enthused during her cameo. C’mon girl, don’t you want to have fun?

Blair turns 18

Her nanny did a wonderful job raising her.

Woodward, Bernstein, Humphrey?

Dan’s Charlie Trout story earned him his valued letter of recommendation to Yale. Will he go deep undercover and bring down the Bass family? Yawn. We all knew that Dan’s conscience would catch up with him. Nevertheless, I’m still trying to figure out how Dan’s “Deep Throat” got his email address and just suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Is investigative journalism really that easy?

Sympathy for both devils

The screen hasn’t seen a sadder moment between father and son than Chuck desperately buying his father hockey tickets since James Dean was devastated by Raymond Massey’s refusal of his bean money in East of Eden. I’m glad that Bart sort of put the thought to rest that he hated his son because Chuck’s mom died giving birth to him, but didn’t Bart pretty much acknowledge that it was true all at the same time?

Blair turns 18

Yawn. “I wanted a Harry Winston choker for my birthday instead I got a conscience.” Is that really what any of us want to see?

Aaron is Cyrus’ son and yes he definitely has a posse

What balls this guy has. He was romancing Serena like the most devoted Don Juan of all time and yes, he still wanted to be able to see other girls. Can someone please tell me how this gets resolved? I watched the final conversation between Aaron and Serena about 10 times and I still have no idea what it meant. Did he say that he’d stop spreading his wealth to every hot chick in New York, or did he just convince Serena that being young and bohemian was worth it? Frankly, I’m lost.

Memo to Jenny

Enough with the raccoon look!

Final Judgment

Worst episode of Gossip Girl ever! We were promised Chuck beating down Dan and all we got was him reading a book. Never, never keep Blair and Chuck apart for an entire episode.

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  • hannah

    I agree so completely with you. This was the worst episode of GG ever, and for precisely the reasons you mentioned. I’m crossing my fingers that, come Monday, Chuck and Blair will celebrate Thanksgiving together at least…

  • brad laidman

    thanks for the comment sometimes i feel that no one reads these

  • miya

    hvnt seen d episode yet,but i agree…cant imagine a whole episode without Chuck n Blair

  • http://advo88.blogspot.com advo

    Complete agree. The episode was major fail! However, this weak wasn’t much better, it was by like a smidge.