The Seven Kingdoms is in chaos right now. Tyrion has been arrested, Lord Baelish has a plan, Margaery contemplates her bad luck, and The Mother of Dragons has something to say. Let’s get right to this week’s Game of Thrones.
I’m sure many of you are still mourning/celebrating the end of King Joffrey. After his monstrous death, Cersei has Tyrion arrested for his nephew’s demise. Halfman knows his number is pretty much up since almost everyone in his family, save for Jaime, wants him dead. While in his cell, Tyrion is visited by sex god Podrick, who is able to smuggle in some creature comforts for his lord. He also confesses that Sansa is gone, and that he has been approached to testify against Tyrion in exchange for a higher position. Never a fool, Tyrion urges Podrick to accept or be killed along with him. He bids farewell to Podrick with the hope that his former squire will adhere to his advice.
Sansa and Ser Dontos are making their way to the river, where the young Stark’s savior spirits her into a rowboat. Cloaked in fog (because there’s always fog in situations like this), they make their way to a waiting ship belonging to none other than Lord Baelish. Littlefinger was behind the events at King’s Landing, using Ser Dontos to gain Sansa’s trust. Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said about Lord Baelish, as he signals one of his men to put an arrow in Dontos’ face, tying up loose ends. Has Sansa gone from one bad situation to another?
Back at King’s Landing, Margaery and Lady Olenna are discussing Joffrey’s untimely death. Both were very practical about the situation. Margaery, knowing she married a tyrant, was willing to deal with it in order to be queen. And you have to admit, when she could, Margaery had a way of taming that crazy kid. Unfortunately, having two husbands killed right after being married does not a queen make. Margaery believes herself to be cursed, but her grandmother believed no such thing. Lady Olenna was realistic about her granddaughter’s marriage to the King, saying that it would have been worse than watching him die. “You did wonderful work on Joffrey. The next one should be easier.” Who will be next in line to marry the fair Margaery?
In the Sept, the Brat King is laid out in the tradition of the Seven Kingdoms. Cersei and younger son Tommen are there, staring at the young man who only hours ago was strutting around like a peacock at his wedding feast. Tywin walks in, not wasting any time on his grandson. Daddy Dearest makes it clear to the impressionable Tommen that he will be King, and as King he needs to keep his advisers close until he is of age to take the throne.
Cersei tries to get her father to save the machinations for a later time, but Tywin does as he pleases. He draws Tommen away from the Sept and his mother, making sure he secures his spot as Hand of the King and continues his reign over all. Jaime enters the Sept as his nephew/son and father are leaving. He swears to protect Tommen and then makes his way to Cersei. When everyone has left, his sister begs Jaime to avenge their “baby boy” by killing Tyrion. When Jaime doesn’t say yes immediately, Cersei falls into his arms, kissing her brother. But she pulls away from her lover, which ticks him off since his sister hasn’t touched him since he’s been back. “You are a hateful woman. Why have the gods made me love a hateful woman?” he says, grabbing Cersei and kissing her. Things get very heated and very inappropriate (I mean, Joffrey’s freshly dead body is right there) and the twins end up on the floor.
Prince Oberyn and his paramour Ellaria are enjoying themselves at one of the pleasure houses (they do that a lot, it seems). In between rounds, the Prince waxes poetic on living one’s life to the fullest before becoming too old, unwanted and forgotten. Ellaria, however, states the obvious: that Prince Oberyn will be wanted by all until the day he dies. Before the fun can start all over again, Tywin walks in, requesting an audience with the Prince. He questions Oberyn about Joffrey’s death, who categorically denies any involvement. To satisfy the Prince’s thirst for revenge, and keep his hold on the Seven Kingdoms, Tywin requests that Oberyn be a judge at Tyrion’s trial in exchange for a seat on the Small Council and a “meeting” with Sandor Clegane aka The Mountain. Tywin explains that he needs Dorne to assist with the protection of the realm should Daenerys decide to bring her dragons to Westeros. Will the Prince agree to Tywin’s request?
Near The Wall, the Wildlings attack a village, laying waste to everyone except a young boy who had the misfortune of seeing his parents killed. To make things worse, one of the creepy Thenns tells the scared lad that he is going to eat his dead parents before letting him go. The traumatized boy ends up at Castle Black with Jon and the rest the Night’s Watch. As they bicker over how to proceed against the Wildlings, two rangers return from the mutiny at Craster’s. Jon realizes that his former Brothers, who have no idea that the Wildings are coming, will most definitely spill that The Wall is being defended by barely one hundred men. “Mance has everything he needs to crush us and he doesn’t even know it,” says Jon, who then announces that in order to save themselves, he and his Brothers will have to ride out to Craster’s and kill the men there. Will Jon and his men make it to Craster’s before the Wildlings?
On Dragonstone, Stannis finds out that Joffrey is dead and now more than ever he needs to stake his claim to the Iron Throne. But Ser Davos has been unable to recruit a sufficient army to attack the Red Keep, because basically they’re broke. No one wants to fight for free, especially when the man you’re fighting for has a scary priestess beside him who likes to burn people at the stake. Frustrated, Davos visits Princess Shireen for his reading lesson. While there, he comes up with an idea on how to get enough money to recruit Stannis’ army and asks the Princess to write a letter to The Iron Bank.
On the other side of the world, Dany has arrived at Meereen which is a sprawling, gaudy place. Slaves and master alike look on as the Khaleesi and her people stand outside Meereen’s gates. A lone rider comes through the gates, preening and insulting Dany and her Unsullied, urinating on the ground as a sign of disrespect. The Mother of Dragons, not one to be disrespected, requests a champion of her own. Not surprisingly, Grey Worm and Sers Jorah and Barristan volunteer. Dany let’s each of them know how important they all are to her and refuses them, leaving Sellsword Hottie 2.0 Daario Naharis to volunteer. Unlike Meereen’s champion, he refuses the use of a horse.
As Meereen’s champion charges towards him, Daario pulls out a knife, kisses its blade and then hurls it at the horse, killing it instantly. The preening rider falls off, landing close enough to Daario for him to slice off his head quickly and cleanly. No muss, no fuss. Afterwards, Dany speaks to Meereen’s slaves, giving them the lowdown on their masters and promising them freedom. The masters get scared, some leaving immediately in case of a revolt. Dany then signals to loose the catapults, which shoot barrels of broken slave collars into the city. One of the slaves picks up one of the collars, contemplating what to do next. Will Dany’s words fall on deaf ears? Or will she crush yet another slave city? Stay tuned.
Game of Thrones airs on Sundays at 9 p.m. ET on HBO.
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