I came back from last night’s romantic Indian dinner and decadent hot fudge sundae (thanks Ilan) to a show I was half dreading. My own sixth sense is akin to the one that Haley Joel Osment channeled in that blockbuster M. Night Shymalan film. RE: We both live in a perpetual state of fear of some tortured event that will likely leave us devastated. In other words, we’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop and last night, as my shoelace kept untying on my walk home from dinner, I knew something was askew.
And it wasn’t just Indian heartburn…
The following is my rebuttal to an initially emotional and irrational reaction to the news that TEAM RINNA was eliminated from Dancing with the Stars.
I’ve been a loyal fan of your broadcasting network for years. Even when I was little, I secretly fancied Peter Jennings over Dan Rather and Tom Brokaw. Sure, he wasn’t as smart a newscaster as Brokaw or as self-righteously indignant as Rather, but Jennings had an air about him. This epiphany clouded my opinion of the three major networks and definitely cast a shadow over NBC and CBS. Having felt this strong alliance and illustrated such an intense loyalty at such an impressionable age, you will be disheartened to know that I’ve now banned your programming for a week.
In response to last night’s results on Dancing with the Stars, I have waged my own variation of a non-violent protest. As a sacrifice, I will not swoon over Dr. McDreamy over at Grey’s Anatomy nor will I ask myself for the umpteenth time what Meredith Grey sees in him while screaming at the TV. Nor will I demand to know the true identity of “the others” over on that Lost island. Such things are trivial now. The minutia that transcends our daily lives and filters into our subconscious and conscious existences seems so trite. I’ve been a fool for you ABC and a tool I will be no longer.
Shame on you ABC for treating us, your loyal viewers, in such a lascivious manner, completely discarding our votes, giving us busy signals when we dialed in for Lisa & Louis. You not only denied them our love, but you neglected your biggest fans.
Moreover, you’ve insulted our collective intelligence week after week by refusing to publicly reveal the number of votes each team received from on-line polls and call-ins. If our vote counts so much (or as least as much as Bruno Tonioli’s and Len Goodman’s) why not show us the figures, the percentages. Speak to us in numbers that mean something.
Instead you further mock our affections by condemning us to a “Results Show” that is essentially a promotional horse-and-pony show for the professional dancers who are no longer competing in the show. And why? Not to teach us anything or to entertain us, but probably because you had some contractual obligation with those dancers. Then you proceed to fill the remaining 25 minutes with montage (more promotional spots for Len Goodman’s podcast) and heart-felt clips that tear at what’s left of our shelled out carcasses and recesses of that pumping fist of an organ that no longer feels.
And for what? To leave us with Tom Bergeron giving us a line to the effect that the contestants staying on to compete in next week’s competition will be revealed to us in NO specific preferential order. And then to parade Jerry’s winning feat around before a timely cut to commercial. Forget Grey’s Anatomy’s “Code Black”, who would know that a dancing competition could unleash such theatrics and smarmy dramatic measures?
Certainly, not I.
The only redemption I can find in Lisa leaving is that you might have fewer viewers tuning in next week and perhaps in the long run your greedy plan to hoard even more crucial ratings will backfire and be sufficiently foiled. After all, I wasn’t the only who noticed that Tom Bergeron (with only a few weeks of training) dances better than Jerry Rice after six weeks.
Aside from the Jerry backlash, there are those jumping on the “We hate Stacy” bandwagon since many viewers feel that 2 males judges will undoubtedly be biased so for the sake of impartial voting, we need to add another woman. I would argue we need someone who can speak in a dialect I can understand without having to pause and think about it. Listening to Bruno and Len, I almost look as intellectually strained as Stacy, making a “mad” face, while pretending to be pissed at Tony as they dance to “Since You’ve Been Gone”.
Inarguably, I’ll stick around till the end of this show. I review it. I have to. I’ll call in as many votes as I can for Drew and then I think I might be done with you for a while. And I know I’m not entirely alone.
Sincerely (or maybe not so much),
Beth Anne Gottfried
P.S. If you really want to appease me, you could just email me Travis’ pick on The Bachelor since I won’t be watching.