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TV Review: Dancing with the Stars – Round 5

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This week’s program promised to be “the sexiest show ever.” I don’t know about you, but when someone or something holds up such a disclaimer, chances are, it rarely lives up to the hype.

Still, the Samba, a Brazilian Carnivale dance that features scantily clad dancers jiggling their hips and wiggling their derrieres at an expeditious pace would seem to have all the fixins of such a claim. After all, it’s from South America. Like all those Victoria’s Secret supermodels. How could it not smolder?

Those Crazy ‘80s

First refuting factor of the night was Stacy Keibler talking about her “tickly” butt. The phrase “tickly butt” conjures up bad images of ‘80s Saturday morning cartoons gone very wrong. In fact, I’m quite certain Papa Smurf might have innocently referred to Smurfette as “my tickly butt” and that Adam, Prince of Grayskull, was surely Shira’s “tickly butt.”
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But enough with the pop culture references that would put VH1 to shame, point is that despite her immature, imbecilic descriptions and her Lakers girl get-up, with the overly hair-sprayed teased hair a la Grand Ole Opry circa 1985, Stacy was bootylicious. True, sometimes I just wish she would fall or stumble and judge Bruno Tonioli could stop with the “weapon of mass seduction” talk, but Stacy’s proven herself a leader. Now if only she could chop her 10 inch legs in half, I might be able to take her seriously as a dancer…

George goes Ape. Yet again…

George Hamilton needs to be voted off the show already. His age is showing and his charm and grace are fading. Survey says: More props, less fancy footwork.

Also his partner Edyta looked like a Chiquita banana this week. Were we supposed to equate George with a monkey in this scenario? Wasn’t one week of banana references enough for George? See last week’s comments.

Disco Divas

A few of the couples this week decided to disco the samba up a little. I’m not sure how I felt about this interpretation, especially as I couldn’t quite see the Bee Gees, Donna Summers, or John Travolta dancing the Samba, not would I want to. Lisa and Louis’ Freak Out didn’t fully utilize Lisa’s finest assets: her flexibility, gyrating hips, or fast feet. I thought this was Lisa’s dance to lose and that she would flourish. I was wrong.

And now, a word from our sponsor

Ok, so before anyone jumps down my throat, I didn’t vote in the last presidential election, nor can I remember when I last voted for local representation. I know I’m not taking my democratic responsibilities seriously and that I should be burned at the stake, after having dragged my knees across hot coals, but bear with me. I haven’t felt inspired, like ever.

Thursday night, however, this all changed for me. After watching Jerry finally get his groove on and wiggle those hips, I called in a vote for Jerry and Anna. As a critic, I’m not entirely sure if I should be remaining impartial, but there you go. Finally a bandwagon I could jump on and feel entirely committed to. For a week at least.

While Stacy was the only contestant to receive a perfect score, Drew was the best dancer of the night, in my opinion. He and Cheryl have such impeccable form and chemistry. And is Drew ever hot. I thought I would die when his arm sleeves were ripped off and that was only his arms. Can you imagine what a beefcake he would look like sans shirt? Ok, so it’s been a while for me, but hey, am I right or am I right?

Then there were Five

This week, Tia and Maksim were sent home. I was saddened by this. Mostly because although Tia isn’t the best dancer, she’s far better than George Hamilton. Perhaps the night’s melancholy mood was set by Barry Manilow reducing himself to Dancing with the Stars. I used to worship this guy. In fact, for a few months, “Weekend in New England” was on one of my playlists and one of my most frequently played songs. Sure, I live in New England, but even so…Barry, buy a better agent. You still got it in you. I’ll get behind you.

Tia and Maksim, fare thee well. In the poignant words of another iconic ‘70s ballad-monger, “this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.” Or in this particular case, reality TV.

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About Beth Gottfried

  • http://childoftv.blogspot.com Brent

    Tia’s best dance was – obviously enough – the Tango. Much of the fault for her performance on Thursday goes to the program that Maksim came up with for her. It took too long to develop.

    Apparently it is the producers who select the music and give it to the teams right after the results show.

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