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TV Review: American Idol 6 – Jennifer Lopez Week

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As Ryan Seacrest would say, welcome to another week of American Idol. This week is officially “Latin Week,” but I decided to call it “Jennifer Lopez Week” since most people Googling for related articles would refer to it as such. Search engine optimization, my friends!

I’m amazed that once again the Idol Powers That Be have ensnared a celebrity mentor to whom the contestants and young audiences can actually relate. Still, I couldn’t help but laugh when the contestants pretended to be enthralled by J. Lo. Seriously, Haley and Melinda – cut out the fake awe. It was weird that she sat on a stool while they sat on the floor in front of her, like she was telling them a story during nap time.

Unlike the other mentors, J. Lo’s advice tended to focus more on the performance itself, rather than the song. She taught some of the contestants how to properly pronounce Latin words and also helped them with some moves, which some people desperately needed (Melinda, I’m looking at you, girl).

Here we go with the rating. Once again, it’ll be by letter grade, but expanded. Interesting that most of the ladies sang Gloria Estefan songs, while most of the guys sang Santana songs. Why couldn’t any of them sing a J. Lo song? Didn’t American Idol pay for any? I guess not. Cheap bastards.

B+

Surprisingly, I didn’t give anyone an A this week. I just wasn’t that impressed by any of the performances, even Melinda’s. In fact, she gets a B this week. One of the B+ grades goes to LaKisha, who performed “Conga,” which was vocally strong, lively and fun. However, you can also see similar performances on any cruise ship. Paula and Simon said that it was a safe performance.

The judges are totally grooming Blake to be the next American Idol. I don’t see anything wrong with that since he is awesome, but my god do they kiss his ass. Blake chose Marc Anthony’s “I Need to Know,” and bravely sang it in front of J. Lo. It was a cool performance, though apparently not for Blake since his raised arms revealed pit stains. Yes, that was supposed to be a joke. I thought that he was singing it a half step too high since he seemed to struggle with the song. However, all the judges loved it.

B

I never thought I’d toss Melinda in the B category, but I just wasn’t crazy about her performance this week. Oh sure, technically it was perfect as usual, but her performance of “Sway” was pretty boring. And yes, I agree with Simon in that it was old-fashioned, cabaret, and wooden. And who picked out that dress for her? It was too long for her squat body.

The eternally peppy Jordin sang “Rhythm is Gonna Get You,” which was not bad, but surprisingly boring, considering it’s such an upbeat song. I just wasn’t impressed, and neither was Simon, who said it was okay but not stunning.

B-

Yecchhh. Chris sang one of my favorite songs, “Smooth,” by Rob Thomas and Santana. This song is awesome. It’s seductive and sultry, the kind you want to have dirty, sweaty sex to with a hot guy you picked up at a club. But nooooo, Chris had to ruin my fantasy by Justin Timberfaking it as usual, with all the unnecessary runs. Screw you Randy, encouraging him to do these runs. You can’t R & B-ify every damn song.

C+

Since it was Latin Week, you’d think that some of the contestants would be ballsy enough to actually try to sing something in Spanish. Just when I thought that all of them were gutless cowards, in came Sanjaya with “Besame Mucho.” I still can’t stand him and want him off the show, but I have to give him kudos for having the courage to sing a (mostly) Spanish song. It was boring, but it wasn’t horrible, as Simon said. That poor excuse for a goatee has got to go though. And what was up with Shyamali’s freaky but hot boyfriend?

C

Oh, yay. Haley is wearing short shorts again to distract the audience while she sang. Apparently, her spell has worn off of Simon, because he totally called her on it. Seriously girl, it can’t be any more obvious, and it’s just sad. Her performance of “Turn the Beat Around” was fun to watch, but again she’s just not of the same caliber as the other three ladies. Randy said that it was “really karaoke,” while Simon said the vocals felt rushed in the end.

C-

Finally, we have Phil at the bottom. Good lord, he looked creepier than usual. When did his skin turn gray? Did he trade beauty secrets with Marc Anthony, like only drinking the blood of babies and virgins? What gives? Nos-Phil-atu sang, “Maria, Maria,” and unsurprisingly he couldn’t handle the low notes at the beginning of the song. He tried to make up for it in the middle and near the end, but his voice gave out and he actually squeaked. Man, it was bad. Paula said it was a good vocal, until the end, while Simon said that it was lifeless (heh!) and had no originality.

Frankly, after the surprises from the last two weeks, I couldn’t really tell who would be going home tonight. Haley, Phil, and especially Sanjaya are indestructible, like freaking cockroaches surviving a nuclear attack. But here goes my prediction:

Who will go home: Phil or Haley

Who should go home: Sanjaya, Phil, and Haley

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About Toni Schwartz

  • Grandpa Idol

    I thought this week was a real yawner and none of the contestants really stood out. For Melinda, Lakisha, and Blake you somewhat know what they will be doing each week and I think it’s beginning to take it’s toll especially on Melinda and Lakisha because unless they break out of their current pattern they may falter early even though both are superb singers. Blake puts a little more originality into his numbers and will stay afloat for a while. In no particular order I think Haley, Phil, and Chris will be next and I would not characterize them as indestructible. In addition, I can only pray the Sanjaya voters were asleep or on spring break with the grand parents this week. Maybe they should move the show to 10PM so it will be after their bedtime.

    My big disappointment this week was that Haley did not perform Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie” because that is a really hot song especially the way Shakira does it.

    Oh well, it’s the country genre with Martina McBride next week. Ye Ha!!!

  • Michele

    Go Home HALEY!!!!!

    Okay, we all want Sanjaya to go home, but apparently it ain’t happening.

    Chris R. sucked with my favorite song “Smooth” – lordy…. nobody does it like Rob Thomas, who doesn’t let AI have his songs, don’t know how this one got through the cracks. Rob, please don’t start letting them ruin your songs… we love you. We love your music, don’t let them butcher your music! thank you, sweetie.

    Country week next week? Well…. the great Mandisa got voted off during country week last year… so that must be scary for a couple of people on there who are in that caliber. So listen up Lakisha and Melinda and Jordin – do NOT sing Shania Twain! Yes, Martina McBride has an awesome and powerful voice, make sure you can handle it before you try to sing one of her songs, please.

    I hope Haley is not there next week. Lordy.
    Chris R. sang that one Keith Urban song, which sounded nothing like country… so we’ll see if he’s here next week how he’ll JT up a country song. Blake – a Toby Keith song? I have no idea.

    I wonder if they will have another Elvis week this year? I hope not.

  • http://www.noface4film.com/ Kaonashi

    Grandpa- You are right about Melinda, LaKisha, and Blake. As great as Melinda and LaKisha are, they are stuck in the diva or R&B style. Same goes for Blake. He’s a great performer, but he’s truly a weak singer.

    As for the Sanjaya voters, don’t count on his fans being busy during Spring Break. In fact, since they didn’t have class, they may have had the chance to vote for him even more :(

    Michele- “Smooth” is technically Santana’s song, and it was clear that the contestants had permission to perform his songs.

    It will be very interesting to see how the contestants fare during Country Week.

  • Ty

    I think you will be surprised when LaKisha goes home tonight.

    Her popularity is falling faster than gravity keeps her on this planet.

    LaKisha is a goner, so please don’t cry now that you know.

  • I_H8_LaKisha_Melinda_Timberfake

    “You can’t R & B-ify every damn song.”

    You need to tell LaKisha/Melinda to stop Aretha-izing every song too!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Victoria

    LakiSha should not go home tonight because Lakisha,Melinda,Phil,Haley,Jordin better not go home tonight. Because if they do I am going to scream to the top of my lungs. It should be Sanjiya to go home tonight if he don`t I am never watching AMERICAN IDOL again.

  • Belle

    I’m starting to believe Jordan is the best over all contestant. I originally liked Lakisha and Melinda; however, I see Jordan winning the whole thing. She has a great voice, she is very versatile, she has a pleasant personality, a wide-eyed innocence and she’s beautiful.

    I agree, Phil needs to go home. I also love Rob Thomas, and can’t believe how much Chris R. wrecked the Santana/Thomas song. I would prefer Chris to be voted off, over Hailey.

    Does anyone know if Matchbox Twenty will ever perform together again? They were terrific!! I was under the impression Rob was only taking a “break” from them, but I could be wrong.

  • ShimmeringGirl

    “Smooth” may have been on Santana’s album, but Rob Thomas and Itaal Shur own the publishing rights to it and both of them had to give their permission for it to be used on the show.

    Rob Thomas respects both Carlos Santana and Clive Davis and I think that if either one of them asked him to allow “Smooth” to be used, he wouldn’t have been able to say no.

  • ShimmeringGirl

    Belle,

    Matchbox Twenty are supposed to be getting together this month at Rob Thomas’ house to talk about putting out a greatest hits album with a couple of new songs. RT has said that their record company isn’t too keen on the idea, so he might just put out another solo record while they decide what to do as a band.

  • proud american

    I am not happy that Jennifer Lopez sang a spanish song on “American” Idol. Let her sing on a spanish TV show. I will no longer watch American Idol. That makes me sick!

  • good news

    to proud american-If you’re so adamant about J. Lo singing a Spanish song, then why didn’t you call Sanjaya out for his mostly-Spanish language performance on Tuesday? Also, if you’re going to stop watching the show, do it for a GOOD reason, such as Sanjaya still being on the show (and yes, he still is). I’d also say Haley, but…
    …she’s gone. I knew she wouldn’t last another trip to the bottom two. So much for the Lakisha elimination predictions…until NEXT week, the country genre! I don’t expect it to be much better than Latin week…
    By the way, Phil was in the bottom two for the first time (but isn’t this his FOURTH time in the bottom three?!). Chris R. rounded out the bottom three (the audience booed when they found that out).
    Yep, no Sanjaya in the bottom three, but he DID get the pimp spot and gave a decent performance….

  • Grandpa Idol

    Have you ever noticed the quiet hush that comes over the audience when Sanjaya is pronounced safe yet again? It’s as if they can’t believe he’s still fooling America.

  • http://www.noface4film.com/ Kaonashi

    Ty- Who’s crying now? ;)

    I H8- You do have a point. We’ll see how they do next week.

    Victoria- Jordin isn’t going anywhere for a while, as long as Sanjaya, Chris and Phil are still there.

    Belle- I really didn’t care if Phil, Haley, or Chris went home.

    Shimmering Girl- thanks for clearing that up about “Smooth” and Rob Thomas.

    proud American- Are you for real? So what if she sang in Spanish? She’s promoting her new album, which is all in Spanish. Also, it was Latin Week. Jeez. I’m sure that American Idol won’t be hurt if one measly household stops watching them.

    good news- Glad to finally see Haley out of there. She didn’t look the least bit surprised. She’s been ready to leave for several weeks now.

    Grandpa- I can’t believe it either.

  • http://www.noface4film.com/ Kaonashi

    BTW, they’re turning off the electricity in my building in about 20 minutes to do testing and stuff, so I won’t be able to post a review of tonight’s episode until early tomorrow morning, which means that it won’t go live until possibly late tomorrow afternoon, even evening.

  • http://blogcritics.org/ Phillip Winn

    Ty, LaKisha has never been in the bottom three, and last we saw, she was in the top three. Crying? Um, no. LaKisha gone? Um, no. She’s final-five, easy.

    Victoria, since you’re no longer watching the show, I guess you’ll probably never stop be here again. Too bad, we’ll miss you. Buh-bye!

  • Belle

    Approximately 13% of America’s population is Hispanic, so why not sing a Spanish song? I enjoyed it and I sure wish I had actually paid attention in my highschool Spanish classes, instead of just going through the motions. I’m amazed by those who are bi-lingual.

    Thanks for the information, but why would a record company not support the greatest hits project? I thought Rob Thomas was much more effective with his band.

    So long Hailey, I thought it was going to be Phil, but what do I know?

  • Anna

    What did Simon say to Haley that was so harsh?

  • http://www.noface4film.com/ Kaonashi

    Anna- He said something like, “Haley, you’ve got a good thing going here. All you need to do is wear as little as possible so that the audience is distracted from your singing.”

  • Porlavida

    It makes you “sick” that J Lo sang a Spanish song? It makes me sick that your name is “proud American,” because it’s ignorant people like you that keep the world from being the good place that it could be. And in case you haven’t noticed, America is BECOMING a SPANISH AMERICA. It makes perfect sense that plenty of people here would enjoy a Spanish song, regardless of if they understand it or not. You don’t have to know the words to appreciate her voice or the music. I hope you can open your mind a little bit and become a better person. It’s too bad that other people had to read your disgusting post.