Today is 2 for 1 on reviews. They should both be short.
To my great shame I missed the premiere episode due to real-life circumstances. I only caught the last 15 minutes of ALIAS. What I saw was just horrible. It was freaky. It was just too much for this reviewer to handle. Jennifer Garner got her lips done and it is just disgusting. Big ugly ass collagen-injected lips. It’s so goddamn distracting that it’s enough to get me not to watch anymore. And that’s all I’m going to say. But I’ll wait for next week to see more. So I won’t grade it. But Garner’s lip job gets a 1 outta 5
Kolchak is back, well sorta. This was probably the worst cut & paste job of a TV show I’ve ever seen for something with such a cult history. The actor playing Kolchak is simply horrible. Stuart Townsend was horrible in Queen of the Damned and he was equally horrible in The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and he sucks just as bad on this show. Gabrielle Union, other than having my favourite first name for a woman, has nothing but a cute smile. She would fare better playing in beer commercials acting cute for the camera. The girl can’t act… she can’t.
The concept is as simple as it gets for the genre. Weird, quirky stick-it-to-the-man about to lose it all journalists gets a new job at the Beacon. He’s assigned to the criminal journalism team, headed by she-with-the-nice-smile. Of course she plays Scully to Kolchak’s Mulder but no chemistry whatsoever can be detected here. Of course our man Kolchak has a dark and mysterious past and he’s all uppity about it. Some strange killings start popping up and of course someone has to be saved. It’s Kolchak to the rescue. Anyone who’s familiar with this genre knows the rest.
Problem with re-hashing old story lines (listen up Berman and Bragga) is that you have to make the characters appealing and engaging. The stories have all been told. You need good characters and some twists to make it work. Night Stalker just doesn’t work. It’s not even a good time filler. Yes it’s that bad. You want to see a good story, with good characters in the same vein as Night Stalker, catch Supernatural on the WB. So much more fun is to be had with Supernatural. Night Stalker is bland, watered down for mass viewing horror – and I use that word loosely – TV.
Everybody got on the genre bandwagon this year and I’m not impressed. It’s all pre-digested story telling. Night Stalker is no different.
It gets an unworthy 1 outta 5.
ABC, I thought you were gonna kill’em all this season, but other than the monster that is LOST, nothing much is showing up on radar.