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TV Review: ABC’s Dancing With the Stars

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Premiered Thursday, 1/5/06 on ABC at 8 p.m. Will be featured for ten weeks on ABC, Thursdays at 8 p.m. Voting is half by the judges and the other half by phone-in votes from the audience.

Judges – Len Goodman, Bruno Tonioli , Carrie Ann Inaba.

Celebrity Dancers

George Hamilton
Lisa Rinna
Kenny Mayne
Stacy Keibler
Drew Lachey
Tia Carriere
P. Miller-Master P
Giselle Fernandez
Jerry Rice
Tatum O’Neal

Okay, with all the details out of the way, let’s go through mine own wise assessment of the premiere show. Later, the winners and losers of the first week’s competition.

George Hamilton Still has a sun tan, still can move his legs enough to dance. I’m surprised this fellow is still around.

He and his partner did get good reviews from the judges but their final score was a mediocre 18 out of 30.

Lisa Rinna Lisa and her partner performed what I thought was a rather sexy ballroom waltz. I love the ballroom waltz and dream of someday drifting across the floor fluidly my own clunky self. Even with my wise approval, this dance team scored but a 19 out of 30. I thought they deserved better.

Kenny Mayne I’m no dance expert but I know walking when I see it. And walking’s not dancing, even I know that. Judge Bruno described the dance as “Pinocchio chasing Jiminy Cricket.” Heh. This dance team scored a mere 13 out of 30.

Stacy Keebler What’s weird is this lady is a wrestler! She’s very pretty. She and her partner performed a lovely waltz. Judge Bruno, the “Simon Cowell” of this competition gave her great reviews. Len described the performance as being “like Cirque Du Soleil”. Stacy and her partner scored a 22 out of 30.

Drew Lachey Drew and his partner did a great cha-cha, a rather complicated one at that. I loved the song they picked. Actually it’s the first time I heard the original version of “She Bangs” sung correctly. My only previous exposure to this song was by that awful American Idol loser. Drew and his partner scored an impressive 24 out of 30.

Tia Carriere Tia just had a baby and had a tiny baby-belly. She and her partner performed a waltz with what I thought was great footwork. All the judges pronounced that Tia has “great potential. She and her partner scored a 20 out of 30.

Giselle Fernandez– I’m not sure who this lady is but I can tell she’s no spring chicken. During one part of her dance, Giselle’s partner literally dragged her across the dance floor. It was different. Giselle scored a 23 out of 30.

P. Miller This fellow is a rap singer and claims he was doing this to benefit the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Methinks Mr. P. should stick to rap singing. He has huge lumbering legs at any rate. If anything else, he gives the rest of us hope. Judge Bruno described his dancing as “an Emperor penguin protecting his chicks.” Heh. I’d call that an accurate description. P. Miller and his partner scored a 12 out of 30.

Jerry Rice As I understand it Jerry is a football player. I thought he did a terrific job. He and his partner performed a cha-cha. At one point during their routine, Rice did that thing football players do where they stand in place and move their feet, left-right, left-right, quickly over and over. Damn, that was clever as all get-out and added something different to the dance. Rice and his partner got very good reviews and scored a 21 out of 40.

Tatum O’Neill Well Tatum does need a career boost. She’s touted on the show as an Academy Award winning actress but she got an Oscar, when? When she was 13 or something? Judge Len said Tatum knocked his socks off but frankly my socks didn’t even move. I think we’ll see Tatum get higher scores than she’ll likely deserve to keep her on until the finals. Tatum and her partner scored what I considered an undeserved 23 out of 30.

Highest and Lowest Scores
So it would seem that Drew Lachey and his partner got the highest scores of the night. So I paid a visit to ABC’s web site for the show to find out a bit more about this fellow.

Image hosted by Photobucket.comDrew Lachey is a baritone singer with the rock group 98 Degrees. A native of Cincinnati, OH, he worked in a deli, served in the army and was an emergency medical technician. It was while he was working as an EMT in New York that he got a call from his brother, Nick, inviting Drew to join the band that Nick had formed with two friends. Drew accepted the offer, the group changed their name to 98 Degrees, and began to record with Motown Records.

I am surprised that Lachey is a singer so I search the archives of Blogcritics to find out more about this fellow. Heh. I had to go back a bit, but what I found caused me to smirk. For the Blogcritic commented on a list published by Blender magazine of the worst 50 artists of all time. Said list included Drew Lachey. The Blogcritic agreed.

Maybe it’s a good thing Lachey’s turned to dancing.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

The following night and after the audience votes were compiled, Kenny Mayne and his partner were eliminated. He wasn’t happy about it. So far as I’m concerned, Mayne can walk. He can’t dance.


Pat Fish is a published author and her books have drawn attention from her fellow reviewers on Blogcritics. Reviews of Memoirs of Josephine Fish and Mystery and Mirth have been conveniently provided for your reading pleasure.

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About pat fish

  • Anyone who accuses reality TV of being ratings whores can’t do this with Dancing with the Stars after they kicked my boy Kenny off the first week.

  • Giselle Fernandez is a journalist who has worked for CBS and ABC and is currently the anchor on the Morning News show at KTLA in Los Angeles. Does that qualify her to be on the show? Who knows.

  • please, somebody tell me what happened to lisa rinna’s lips. they’re frightening.

  • Bennett

    This was an entertaining show! My wife described Kenny Mayne as dancing like Steve Martin, and we would have like to see more of his goofiness.

    Jerry Rice is m’main man, and he did me proud. His partner is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen on the telly.

    Drew Lachey and his partner absolutely sizzled! They deserved the highest score of the evening, and it gave a big boost to the integrity factor of the judges.

    I think the phone-in audience kept the lumbering (Lurch) rapper in the show to see if he’s going to make an even bigger fool out of himself. Why agree to do this show if you have no intention of trying?!?