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TV Recap: Steven Seagal Lawman – “Crack War”

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In this week’s episode of Lawman, Seagal and his team respond to the following:

  • A stolen vehicle
  • A drug house investigation
  • Traffic stop of the elderly
  • A drug hotel

This week starts with random footage of some cat meowing, and it then transitions to Colonel John Fortunato announcing that he and Steven Seagal are going to investigate an area of Jefferson Parish that’s prone to narcotics trafficking. Are cats the ancient symbol for drug deals? No one ever really tells us. Anyhow, after the feline premonition, our dynamic duo responds to an alleged stolen vehicle call. An investigation by our heroes reveals that the suspect could be participating in a "rock rental" — loaning a vehicle to someone who wants to score crack. While the police officers interrogate the suspect we are treated to our first Seagal quote of the week: "So the guy’s saying he didn’t do anything wrong — somehow nothing adds up. And this is where years of police work and knowing how to interview somebody kind of, you know, can help you."

Indeed. Nothing does add up – sort of like showing our feline friend at the beginning of the episode. Unfortunately "years of police work" result in nothing. However, Seagal and his team do promise to look for the victim’s stolen vehicle. Here we are once again treated to the power of Seagal’s bionic Zen eye. As they patrol the streets Mr. Seagal uses his magic orb to scan the area and soon it spots the stolen vehicle. Better still, the stolen car is found abandoned with the keys still in the ignition! Our suspect and his vehicle are soon reunited which somehow inspires Seagal to regale us with his celebrity drug use observations.

With the theme of the week set, Seagal then talks about his Hollywood drug use observations. Much like the random cat scene, we are left to figure out what our Zen master is trying to tell us. Whatever it is, he does think that drug use is not a physical defect; rather, it is a mental and spiritual defect. Or, as he whispers knowingly with his throaty fake Cajun growl: "The power of the mind is infinite."

After a commercial break Seagal and his team visit a drug rehabilitation center call Bridge House. This part of the episode is mostly random footage of Seagal chatting with drug addicts; however, the scene does close with one of Seagal’s fellow officers volunteering to participate in a "best legs" charity contest.

With that somewhat disturbing thought on our minds the scene shifts to a complaint about a drug house. Upon arriving on the scene Seagal and his team search the immediate area and find four bags of marijuana. However, since they can’t link the drugs to anyone at the drug house, the suspects have to be released. This prompts Seagal to do what is fast becoming yet another trademark of the show — puffing his cheeks and blowing a hearty sigh of frustration.

Our last interaction with "criminals" that’s worth mentioning involves Colonel Fortunato and Seagal observing an elderly couple driving their car with the trunk and door open. Since the condition of their vehicle is a threat to other drivers, Fortunato and Seagal hit the siren and attempt to pull the vehicle over. Well apparently the elderly lady is a Seagal fan because her response to the siren is to extend her arm and give Seagal the middle finger.

Anyhow, after a quick investigation it is revealed that the couple was hauling a piece of wood and had it improperly stored. The police officers correctly secure it in the vehicle so the doors can be closed and the couple is sent on their way.

The episode closes with the Bridge House "Best Legs" fundraiser. My nerves and stomach won’t allow me to describe what happens so you’ll have to watch the show yourself. I will, however, state for the record that it is less painful to watch than the episode where we hear Steven Seagal sing.

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