Because President Allison Taylor cannot resist that charming British accent, she tells all to Dalton, the Brit diplomat. Between giggles and blushes, she stammers out that there are renegade forces that have renegade rods somewhere in the US. No not really. Well she does tell him, admonishing him not to tell anyone but the PM. She’s hoping that the info she just spilled will not show up as a 140-character status update somewhere in cyberspace.
Dana has to take another puzzling private phone call. Of course it’s from Kevin, who has arrived at the impound. Arlo is again suspicious. Chloe just sneers at his conjectures.
At gunpoint, Lugo chauffeurs Jack, still masquerading as Meier, to the chop shop lair (Now there’s a nice oxymoron, chauffeuring at gunpoint). Vladimir chastises Lugo, “don’t call her a whore” – referring to Renee. In private, Jack tells Renee that it’s time for her to be rescued. She balks, afraid that the deal will fall apart if she rides off into the sunset, whore or no whore.
Jack is waiting for Vladimir to start making phone calls, to scare up this “deal”. Instead Vlad tosses back a vodka shot and instructs
the whore Renee how to cut bread. I’m thinking he is going to regret this later.
The dufus(es)? dufi? The two boobs Kevin and Nick finally find the correct cage and correct bin with the $120,000.00. Kevin is all set to leave, but Nick wants to stay and see what other goodies are there for the taking. Weirdly, we almost feel sorry for Kevin.
A confused priest, Father Gregor is trying to understand what Bazhaev is asking him. “Just bury him in the backyard, right next to Fluffy and Champ.” “But no, I cannot do this, prayers –.” Bazhaev cuts him off. “Father, he is a soldier, make like it’s a battlefield and get ‘er done” Poor Oleg, first denied proper medical care, now denied a proper burial.
Next it’s Bazhaev’s turn to be confused when he gets a call from Vladimir, asking if there are any loose nukes floating around. He of course denies that the kind of weapons-grade nukes that Vlad is looking for exist. “There are no fairies, no Easter bunnies, no Sasquatch, and NO NUKES!” (Hey, sounds like a great slogan)
Vlad is ready to give up, but Renee keeps urging him to call the next person on the list. Vladimir starts to grope her; she gives him the promise of sexy-time later – after the phone calls. (And now we know who is really motivating those telemarketers Damn!)
We mustn’t forget our friends at the UN, Hassan, daughter Kayla, and Tarin, who appears to have an intimate relationship with Kayla. Tarin reports to Hassan that their countryman Jamot seems to be innocent. Hassan does not believe him, and recommends arresting Jamot’s family as leverage. Tarin argues that this is not what Hassan should be doing, these strong-arm tactics are not the principles that they believe in. Hassan relents and says that now that his wife is gone, he has no one to speak the truth to him.
As soon as Tarin leaves, Hassan asks another security dude, Nabeel, to go ahead and have Jamot’s family arrested. “But, but you just said…”. “Silence! I am the Great and Powerful Hassan – bring me the broomstick! Failing that, arrest those poor innocents and while you’re at it, look into Tarin’s personal files!” By now Nabeel’s head is spinning, but he complies.
As we’d expect, Tarin goes straightaway to Kayla’s residence. They hug. Aw. Kayla can hardly believe what Tarin is saying about her father. They try to figure out what to do. Suddenly Nabeel and some armed security men knock on Kayla’s door. Now they say that Tarin was involved with Farhad. Tarin denies it but understands that he needs to go with Nabeel. Kayla promises him that she’ll convince her father to stop these actions.
Meanwhile our two would-be thieves, Sin and Bad are still fooling around at the impound. An alarm sounds and the boys panic. Kevin calls Dana. She’s fuming when she finds out that the boys are not out yet. The only way out is through the approaching police officer. Nick surprises him with a whack of a baseball bat. But he doesn’t stop there, he whales on the poor man, kicking and whacking. Kevin pulls him off and they both run away. Dana is shocked and sickened as she watches remotely.
Vladimir has called his last prospect. Nothing. Renee is having none of that. She urges him to keep trying, to call everyone again. The more she insists, the more he resists. Vlad wants to know why she is so desperate for this deal. In anger she admits that she is certainly not there for him. That’s it. Vladimir is incensed and strikes Renee, the second hit sends her to the ground. Things get knocked over and
Martha Renee grabs a knife and plunges it into Vladimir’s eye. His screams alert Jack (and assorted henchmen) who come running. When Jack enters the office, he sees Renee stabbing Vladimir over and over again. He goes to stop her, and as she turns, she stabs Jack in the abdomen.
These are the moments that are known in the industry as “no WAY moments”. At least I imagine that’s what some director somewhere must have coined by now. Some might go as far as to say this was a WTF scene as well. Oh, and it gets better.
Renee is stunned, whispering “oh my God”, as Jack staggers to the ground. Seconds later Lugo steps in the room and draws his weapon. Quick as ever, Jack grabs the knife out of his gut and hurls it with precision at Lugo’s neck. He then finds a gun and starts shooting shadows through the wall. No dear viewer, he’s not hallucinating because of physical trauma, this is Jack Bauer. It’s just that he can easily see where the other henchmen are as they approach. Bang! Bang! They are down.
Renee is a mess. Literally. She sobs that Jack was right, she wasn’t ready for this. It’s all her fault. She sobs about the economy, about global warming. She cries for Paula Abdul, who will be missed at Hollywood week, she wails that she never got to see the movie Precious:Based-on-the-Novel-Push-by-Sapphire. Poor kid, she’s had a bad day.
Jack calls in the incident to CTU. Hastings wants an autopsy and Dana’s attention. She’s wool-gathering in the situation room. Not good. Cole is almost at Vladimir’s place. While Jack and Renee are waiting, their hear footsteps. Realizing that it’s too early to be CTU, Jack and Renee scamper around like three-year olds playing hide-and-seek. No not really. When they hear Russian voices, they know it might be the perfect opportunity to find the nuke rods. Renee hides herself, and Jack allows himself to be taken by the Russians.
Lil’ problem though. When CTU arrives, they tell Renee that there have been no vehicles coming or going from the area. Cole suspects its Old Man Withers having a go with them, but still, where Jack went remains a big mystery. Ruh Roh Raggy.