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TV Recap: 24 Day 5: 7:00 AM – 9:00 AM

If you haven’t seen 24 Day 5: 7:00 AM – 9:00 AM yet, be warned: here are spoilers.

We start off with the now obligatory graphic violence warning. As I mentioned last year, I think the producers just plain forget that frame is in there.

We find out we’re 18 months down the time line. This show really likes to jump in leaps and bounds. Day 4 took place 18 months after Day 3, which took place three years after Day 2, which took place 18 months after Day 1. So by now, Jack is about 98 years old.

We get a glimpse of oil wells in Mojave, California. Is this a subtle hint at the oil politics that drives so much of international relations? We have a Russkie flying in to see President RunLoganRun.

Ah, we find Jack goes by the name Frank Flynn. What’s he doing, is he a wildcatter? I’m going to have to come up with some Thunder Bay or Hellfighters material.

David Palmer is working on his memoirs with his crazy brother, Wayne. Nice to see both of them again. Wayne was in the third season. It was Wayne’s girlfriend who shot crazy Sherry, so Wayne does have the world’s eternal gratitude for that.

Holy Guacamole! Kurt Russell shot David Palmer! Nothing like starting the season out with a bang. And no clearer way saying Palmer is gone from the show for good. (The shooting comes at the 04:30 mark).

We see Mike still works for RunLoganRun. Why? Doesn’t Mike have any marketable skills? Why does he stay around this wet noodle?

Logan mentions his summit with Suvarov and Yalta in the same breath. Does he really want to make that comparison? Yalta was where the West pretty much threw Eastern Europe to the Soviet wolves. Is that the kind of legacy Logan is after?

Ah, we see Logan’s wife continues the tradition of the wives of presidents on 24 being lib-dribbling insane in one way or the other. Martha is a real honey.

Edgar and Curtis are still around. I guess no one ever found out about Marianne coercing Edgar into giving her a high-security code, and no one found about Curtis and Driscoll trying to doctor evidence to cover their heinies last season.

RunLoganRun gets hissy with CTU and asks if they have arrested Palmer’s assassin yet. Um, Logan, babe, it’s the 07:35 mark. Palmer was killed all of about 3 minutes ago. It’s a wonder you know so soon. Give CTU a break, and give them at least five minutes to catch the shooter, will ya? Thanks.

Logan says to Bill, “Don’t give me protocols”. Amen to that. Enough with the protocols. But as you see from the counter below, we’re not off to a promising start.

Hmmm. It’s Chloe! And… Spencer. Okaaaaaay. And I see Chloe still has that winning way about her. Chloe tenderly tosses clothes at Spence at tells him to get out. Yep, it’s easy to see why Spence fell for her. And how lovely, Spence works for Chloe. That’s going to make for some awkward database rekeying.

FAUX News is running a report on the Palmer assassination, and the krazy kaptions don’t even come close to matching what the reporter/voiceover is saying.

At CTU, Bill is spouting terms like search and sweep, and narrow the search area. But what about changing parameters or running a protocol?

Jack is talking to some Surly Teenager. Please tell me we don’t have to put up with this kid for long.

Ah, Frank/Jack lied about the Albatross. Wildcatters are superstitious about the albatross. They’ll do anything to avoid harming an albatross.

Surly Teenager’s mom is named Diane. Did the producers really think this one through, having our love interests named Jack and Diane? I mean, I have no choice but to start making up little dittys, wondering if the thrill of livin’ is gone. Oh yeah.

Hey, Tony and Michelle! Ooh, Michelle has a little hottie top on. Is she going to wear that the whole season?

Michelle says they worked up suspect profiles, and ran scenarios. Well, that qualifies them to wander in off the street and into the heart of a sensitive counterterrorist unit in my book. At least they’re known to CTU, unlike Marianne waltzing into CTU last year.

Holy Guacamole! Michelle is blowed up! And Tony is hurt bad! Yikes, this show is really clearing the decks, isn’t it. That’s why Michelle had on that top, it was just a tease.

Ah, there we go. Edgar is data-mining and sending parameters. Good to hear that old CTU jargon again.

It’s like Old Home Week around CTU! Audrey makes her appearance. She is given Station 5. Yes, it must be hard for her to be there again. All those memories of Jack being responsible for the death of her wet fish Brit hubby, her brother getting tortured there, numerous times, Jack dying, I mean, “dying” before her eyes.

Logan is giving a eulogy of sorts about Palmer, at the 25:45 mark. Palmer has been dead for about 20 minutes. They sure don’t wait for the body to get cold, do they.

Oh, Mrs. Logan is a real bbbt-bbttt-bttt-btttbbbt case.

So why were Mrs. Logan and David Palmer close? Logan and Palmer were in opposite parties. Can you see Laura Bush and Bill Clinton being close? No, I can’t either.

Jack comes driving up in a Toyota Tundra. What happened to all the Ford vehicles? Did they get a new sponsor?

Jack decks some poor guy named Weaver. Man, go to work like any other day and some nut ambushes you. LA is a tough town. And just where was this helicopter?

Derek followed Jack? And Jack didn’t notice he was being followed by a Surly Teenager? Jack’s skills are getting rusty.

Wait a minute. They brought Tony to CTU?! CTU?! After the absolute hash the CTU medical staff made of things last year? There aren’t any other hospitals in LA? Tony’s dead if he’s in the hands of these quacks.

Some doc wants to see a cranial field. All together now, Cranial Fields Forever. Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see. Dying is easy with eyes closed, too.

Did David really call Martha? They’re making such a fuss about it, he must have. But how could he get through to the crazy woman? Surely they have her monitored pretty close, people just don’t get Martha on the phone.

Chloe makes to the rendezvous with Jack and her fabric tears on the fence. Now those Cherokee trackers will be able to pick up her trail again.

Hold the phone! How did the baddies find Chloe? She had ditched them. Oh, not a good sign if the writers are cutting corners just to service the plot this early in the season.

Jack picks off the bad guys. Ha, Jack tells Chloe (a gun expert as we saw last season) to hold her fire, even though the bad guy is turning towards her. I guess defending yourself is not acceptable in Jack’s Army.

Jack coldly dispatches the Kurt Russell-esque bad guy. Ouch.

And the first hour ends, except the 8:00 am mark comes at 53:00. I see we’re playing time travel tricks already.

We start off the second hour with a graphic violence warning. Uh-huh. We start off at the 57:00 mark.

Audrey calls Marcie! A nice touch, Marcie got a mention in last season as well.

Suddenly this has turned into No Way Out. Who is that in the photo? Who will it be? It’s Kevin Costner!

Jack disciplines Surly Teenager by jacking (sorry) him up against the van.

Edgar tells us the video of Jack was not doctored. That’s to clue us in that the bad guys are very good at what they do, if they can fool Edgar, Savior of the Universe last season.

We keep hearing about Adamson, but we haven’t seen him yet.

Edgar is still Edgar; he snippily tells Bill that Spencer talked him out of tracing Chloe’s cell phone.

Whoa, another ripple in the space-time continuum. The 8:06 AM mark comes at the 04:15 mark. Whereas once the 24 clock was 7 minutes ahead, now it’s two minutes ahead. Hey, and at the commercial break it is 4 minutes ahead, where it remains for the rest of the episode! I just hope Jack doesn’t pick up the phone and get Abraham Lincoln on the line.

Diane says to Surly Teenager “I love you.” Surly Teenager says “Me too.” So he loves himself, too?

Chloe, Jack, and Derek drive into a parking garage, a most favored 24 location.

Jack puts the sleeper hold on an FBI agent and presto, Jack is In Like Frank Flynn.

Ah, our first instance of Magic! Chloe instantly sees green dots representing agents in a nice outline of the building.

Heh, the agents are in green, and Jack is a red dot. Last season, in the raid on the Chinese Consulate, all the Chinese were red dots, and Jack was a green dot. I guess technology has changed in these 18 months.

Jack meets Wayne, and they have an uproarious, back-slapping reunion. The IP address of Palmer’s computer is 292.162.12.2, which, with the first octet being greater than 254, is obviously not a real IP address.

Martha and David danced at Palmer’s inauguration? Why? Again, they are in different parties.

Chloe has given out her password?! Yikes. I’d think that would be a big no-no in CTU. (It being a Counter-Terrorism Unit and all. Don’t they recall all the problems they’ve had with computer security in past seasons?) And the password is a hard-to-crack JJ72. I wonder if some producer has a kid with the initials JJ who was born in 1972.

Chloe goes busting out of the garage, but is apprehended. They’re going to bring her to CTU. Oh goody! I wonder if they’ll torture her! Tell Richards to prepare his shiny metal case, or maybe the Mind Defragmentizer.

The krazy kaptions spell Mrs. Logan’s name as “Marty”, whereas earlier it was spelled as “Martie”.

Surly Teenager is an idiot. He hops out of the car and runs into the airport. In service to the plot, of course.

Where is this airport, and why would the terrorists pick this location of all places?

Holy Cow, Baggage Guy immediately commits suicide! What a dedicated flunky.

Walt is a mole! How could we have another season of 24 without a mole! We’ve got all the greatest hits!

And thus ends our first night of 24. Good to see ya again, old friend.

(You’ll notice I expanded the statistics section from last season.)

Number of times Jack says “Now!”: 2
Number of times Jack says “No!”: 1
Number of times a “protocol” is mentioned: 6
Number of moles: 1
Approximate Body Count: 8

About Jeff Kouba

  • http://journals.aol.com/vicl04/THESAVAGEQUIETSEPTEMBERSUN/ Victor Lana

    I thought that bad guy Jack capped looked more like Gary Busey. Just my take on it. This season premiere kicked butt. Too bad there aren’t enough real “Jacks” out there stopping the bad dudes.

  • http://Dracutweblog.blogspot.com Mary K. Williams

    omg I thought it was Kurt Russell too! Or Gary Busey.
    I’m doign my write up now, I can’t get it done quick enough!

  • tim top

    this is funny commentary, ill have to bookmark the blog. Do you do these updates in realtime as you are watching the show?

  • http://www.jeffkouba.com/myblog/blogger.html Jeff

    I take notes in real time, and then do the write up pretty much following what I’ve got written down. I’ll give some thought to whether things make sense, and try to put a snarky or amusing twist on things if possible.

  • Paul

    I’m pretty sure the guy who shot Palmer was in an episode of Criminal Minds a few weeks ago. He played the figment of someone’s psychotic imagination. I think he looks a bit like Eric Roberts.

  • Jo

    I liked your reviews from season 4, but for this particular review, it seems as though you’re clutching at straws, in terms of trying to find something to criticise…

  • Roadie

    Regarding Chloes password JJ72 – It’s an irish rockband trio from Dublin. :-)