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Tuesdays with Bodhi: The Morning After

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The morning after my 21st birthday…

Bodhi: Wake up, I have to go potty.

Chelsea: Unnngggghhhh…

Bodhi: I have to go right now. You have to take me outside.

Chelsea: Arrrnnnnyyyuuggghhh…

Bodhi: Come on. You owe me. I said nothing when your drunk friends picked me up and played “Airplane” with me. I said nothing when you nearly passed out on me. I said nothing when your idiot friend fed me beer and laughed about it. You owe me. I have to potty and I have to potty now.

Chelsea: Okay, today, you have a “poop on the rug free” card.

Bodhi: But that isn’t how it works.

Chelsea: Why? You always poop on the carpet anyway, even if I do take you outside.

Bodhi: I know but I’ve always been a fan of formality.

Chelsea: Why don’t you get me some Tylenol? Lassie would’ve gotten Tylenol for Timmy.

Bodhi: Yeah, but I doubt Timmy was a raging alcoholic like you are. Even Lassie had her limits.

Chelsea: Bodhi, seriously, I feel like crap. Just go piss in the same corner you always go in when you think you’re being so sly, and I’ll pretend I didn’t see it, and we’ll go on as always.

Bodhi: Well, I suppose I’ll find some solace in knowing I wasn’t the only one to urinate in my sleeping quarters today.

Chelsea: What?

Bodhi: Yeah, there’s a reason I didn’t sleep with you in your bed last night. I have standards.

Chelsea: So is that why the last time we went to my parents’ you humped their mutt – I mean, designer dog – Gracie?

Bodhi: The little cock tease was begging for it.

Chelsea: Just go piss in the corner, Bodhi. I’m not getting up.

Bodhi: Fine. But when you find it you still have to act thoroughly annoyed and unamused.

Chelsea: Fine.

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About Chelsea Smith


    I have no idea what you are freebasing on, but that was funny as hell.

  • Matthew T. Sussman

    I don’t trust that dog any farther than I can throw him, which by last calculation was 46 feet.