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Treehouse Fort Headlines For March 1 – “Schwing Training”

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A partial transcript of the March 1, 2009 episode of the BC Sports Treehouse Fort.

Suss: As the NFL free agency period dawned on Friday, former Titans defensive lineman Albert Haynesworth signed the biggest contract of the day with a 7-year, $100 million contract with the Washington Redskins. While some question the exorbitant contract, which could reach as high as $115 million after incentives, the Skins were able to make cap room by having Haynesworth stomp on it.

Tuffy: Matt Cassel and Mike Vrabel are now Kansas City Chiefs as the New England Patriots traded both for the 34th pick in this year’s NFL Draft, which is step one in new Chiefs’ general manager Scott Pioli’s plan to quietly sneak the entire Patriots roster to KC. Next step: send Missouri cougars to Bill Belichick’s office to distract him while Mayflower vans back up to the Patriots’ practice field.

Suss: In an upcoming reality show on The Golf Channel, Tiger Woods’ swing coach Hank Haney will undertake the daunting task of improving Charles Barkley’s golf swing. Without giving away the ending, the episode’s finale will consist of Haney singing the famous show tune “I’ve Grown Accustomed To His Slice.”

Tuffy: Breaking news: Jim Bowden has resigned as the Washington Nationals’ general manager. He will now flip a glamorous job in the nation’s capital for a swirl of rumors regarding his involvement with missing bonus money for Dominican Republic prospects and the possibility of a criminal trial. Surprisingly, it’s not close to the worst trade he’s ever made.

Suss: Mets pitcher Johan Santana continues to have elbow problems keeping him out of spring training and perhaps Opening Day. Meanwhile, Indians pitcher Carl Pavano pitched two perfect innings on Saturday. In a related story, the Greek God of baseball injuries, Markpriorysus, admitted to reporters Sunday morning he is struggling with his control but said he hopes to be in midseason form by the end of April.

Tuffy: Michael Vick will reportedly serve the remaining two months of his sentence for his involvement in a dogfighting ring in one of his homes due to overcrowding at halfway houses. While the Falcons have tried to trade the rights to the quarterback, he will still be unable to leave his home for months and have limited contact with the outside world, receiving his information through curiously few sources and possibly only communicating to the public through the Internet. To which we respond: we look forward to your Treehouse Fort co-host application, Mike.

Charlie Doherty’s “What Were They Thinking?”

1) The Syringe Man, for his bizarre encounter with Lance Armstrong

2) Bill “dumbass” Demong, US skier who cost his team a possible gold in the Nordic championships because he couldn’t find his start number

3) Kentucky Senator and former MLB pitcher Jim Bunning, for assuming Justice Ginsburg would be dead in 9 months of pancreatic cancer

4) Safety Officer Sue Watson, for telling sports viewers to sit and shut up except for goals

5) Boxer Humberto Toledo, for biting another boxer last Friday night

6) Gabe Pruitt of the Boston Celtics, for his DUI following loss to Clippers earlier in the week; he stopped at a green light!

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