Tuffy: The Los Angeles Lakers celebrated their NBA Championship with style this week, sticking two appearances on The Tonight Show and two parades under their belt. The second parade in Anaheim was marred slightly when Andrew Bynum had to sit with the crowd 15 minutes into the parade due to foul trouble.
Suss: HBO’s Joe Buck Live debuted with controversy as scheduled guest Artie Lange, staple of The Howard Stern Show, used a series of homophobic, sexist, and obscene jokes during the show. Producers of the show apologized for the way the segment unfolded, and expects better from next week’s guests: Dennis Eckersley, Ozzie Guillen, and Andrew Dice Clay.
Tuffy: Rafael Nadal will miss Wimbledon due to lingering knee issues that also hindered him at the French Open. Nadal’s orthopedist, Dr. Dodger Pederer, cannot confirm when Nadal can play in major tournaments again.
Suss: OJ Simpson’s former girlfriend Christine Prody is writing a tell-all book about her years dating the imprisoned star running back. Experts say this could ruin Simpson’s image as a jealous, murderous, thief who doesn’t drink milk straight from the carton.
Tuffy: Sammy Sosa became the second victim of the slow leak of 100+ names of PED perpetrators that failed tests in 2003. Sosa declined comment outside of a released statement: “Beisbol been berry berry big pain in my ass. Mostly from the needles.”
Suss: And finally, former Rockets coach and current ABC basketball analyst Jeff Van Gundy announced he will run in the Houston Marathon. He says he wants to be the first person ever to finish a marathon while being dragged by Alonzo Mourning.
Charlie Doherty’s (feat. Lil’ Tuff) “What Were They Thinking?”
John Daly, for driving his RV into a too-short tunnel, spilling his contents onto an oncoming vehicle
Joe Blanton, Phillies pitcher, for not paying attention as Marco Scutaro stole second base immediately after a walk.
David Hernandez, for funding a Chicago sports website using money from a Ponzi scheme
Jim Brown, suggesting Donte’ Stallworth, convincted of DUI manslaughter, may have also smoked marijuana beforehand
Ken Jowdy, who spent NHL players’ investments on parties, escorts, and strippers