I look up to see you walk in the door, and exclaim “Great to see you! Come have a seat, and let me get you a cup of the best Columbian I’ve ever tasted…”
For gosh sake, what are some women thinking.
All those who are in charge of a home they own or lease are confirmed adults, all grown-ups one would presume, many run homes with families and children, yet some women apparently can’t handle direct woman-to-woman communication. What’s with that?
Granted, some of us have seen two decades (or more) than the neighbor across the street, of experiences which bore into our psyche’s the differentiation between such terms as “dignified” or “not dignified”, “worth it” or “not worth it”, etc. But my gosh, in the case of those in their twenties who have their own mothers filtering in and out of their house to visit, didn’t your mother ever tell you how to ‘work with women’ ???
It surely appears not. And ICK.
More than I wanted to know about you little mz neighbor woman (and your mother) really.
OK, so an education is good, at any age. To all those women out there sharing neighborhoods with other women, let me clear up any missing manners, and dignified neighborly conduct, between you and the other WOMEN in your neighborhood, to fill in any missing educational black-holes your mother obviously didn’t take the time to fill with wisdom and social civility.
Your neighbors, are those, particularly of the feminine gender, who live next to, behind, across the street from, and any point to the left or right side of the street of direct ingress/egress of your own driveway. Neighbors would include, those who have lived for a month or more, in any given property, along the map defined above, in relation to your own property.
You owe, particularly the other WOMEN in your neighborhood, the gender-respect of not ASSERTING your needs across their property line or blocking THEIR ingress/egress of their own property. They, in fact, owe you the same. And as ye sow, so shall ye reap – THEREFORE – act FIRST and always out of respect to them in doing the same PRESUMING you shall get the same back from them when the need presents itself down the road.
Doing this voluntarily, without need of forcing others to use the law to insist you do so, and doing so without an attitude, makes for good sense, good future social investment on your part, and makes for great cooperation and respect from your fellow women in the neighborhood. Doing this also cultivates a sort of a gap, for any inconsistencies in your doing so, as in the case that after two years of being a great neighbor you suddenly leave your howling cat outside your (and your neighbors bedroom windows all night)-one burdensome incident is easily worked with and forgiven by your neighbors after a nice long overall period of neighborliness. And doing so, it should be noted here, is not subjective. The law backs up the obligation on paper of ‘not burdening your neighbor’s property rights’ with fines and the possible loss of your property and criminal charges.
Therefore, the differences between the good neighbors and the bad, are that bad neighbors force the rest of the neighborhood to call in a third party to enforce those laws. The bad neighbors, well, they just look bad to all and appear less-than-valueless as a part of their community and residential neighborhoods. They are in fact liabilities in every way, on paper and in principle, to their properties, communities and neighbors. Good neighbors, in contrast, who retain the respect of others around them and many times the space to make occasional indiscretions over time, live thusly and quietly within the framework of those laws BY DEFAULT in their daily living and use of their residential properties, and the rest of us give them credit for it. There is great future benefit, socially and otherwise, to not ‘burdening your neighbor’s use of their property’.
And how does one try to ‘not burden the neighbors’, in order to retain respect, be civil, use your property itself so that YOU TOO can live within your own home ? Well, to naturally nice people, who live automatically by the Golden Rule (even sans religious affiliations), this isn’t a big job really. People are doing it every day out there in ‘not burdening their neighbors’. But for those who’s UPBRINGING wasn’t clear enough, who weren’t educated or raised pro-actively by responsible parents in civic responsibility or duties, it could be a challenge.
And being very clear, there is never an excuse for ones inability to ‘not burden your neighbors property rights’. There are women with many children who manage to do it, there are women with no husband and many children who manage to do it, there are many many women who work and have many children who manage to do it, and there are loads of economically POOR women who work and have many children who manage to do it. There is zero excuse.
And notably too, men in fact do have an equal responsibility, but women hold other WOMEN accountable for the interactivity between a home and it’s neighborhood. Like it or not, this is the way society (USA) behaves.
In ‘not burdening your neighbors’ property rights’, this means, that for example your children’s toys SHALL NOT, if you are a dignified woman who represents her Momma’s raising with any respect at all, ever block the ingress/egress of your neighbors abilities to get in and out of their driveways, mow their yards, or use their properties as their legal rights afford them (whether owned or rented).
I’ve yet myself, to find a community in the U.S., where the law does not side with the neighbor, if you block unreasonably so, their access, use, or exclusion rights to property they own or lease.
For those that don’t get just yet what this ‘don’t burden your neighbors’ access, use, and exclusion rights to their own property’ would include, I’ll share. Your own Mother should have told you long before now by her own actions when you were a child and she took care of your childhood home as you watched at the very least, and then she should have reminded you herself to live thusly when you got your own home, but if not, I’ll step up to the plate. This means that you have at the very least, a LEGAL obligation *OWED TO YOUR COMMUNITY or your LANDLORD or your COMMUNITY ASSOCIATION or your DEED TO YOUR HOME (and therefore your COMMUNITY and your Mortgate Company), etc, regarding not burdening your neighbors related to all persons/places/things you control or which you do not necessarily control directly but which are related to your home or your or your families USE of your home, and the same blanket of obligation applies to all your VISITORS’ use of your home. This ‘don’t burden’ covers the following, which list is not all inclusive:
your toys and bikes, both motorized and not;
this means cars and boats and jet skis and work vehicles, whether running or not and whether on blocks or not,
this means vehicle and motorized equipment maintenance,
this means power tools and lawn mowers and motorized yard tools and construction and hobbies and group meetings,
this means pets whether inside pets or outside pets,
this means parking including the arrival and departure of all types of motorized vehicles by both family and visitors,
this means noise which includes voices, toys, cars, car maintenance and power tools and construction and hobbies and gatherings at your home both party and not,
this includes pools and saunas and hot tubs and illegal fireworks and guns, both toys and not, which expel what your state and community regards as ‘dangerous missile’ projections both automatic and not,
and this includes all burdens placed upon your neighbors regardless of the date/holiday and with additional restrictions with regard to current residential/fire ordinances,
this includes talking in car windows in your driveway, personal arguments both inside and out which carry, drinking binges, and your visitors whether coming, going, or staying for awhile or indefinitely or permanently, whether ten minutes, an hour, a day, or overnight.
This includes bon fires, college frat gatherings, religious and social council meetings, trash and leaf burning, compost piles, fire hazard requirements of your local fire code, hazardous waste storage use and disposal, and unsightly matter/objects stored around the perimeter of your home (strictly by local law/ordinance, not subjective) which is in view of your neighbors’ homes and their visitors.
This means, going by your community association’s community rules, federal and state laws, your communities noise and garbage ordinance laws and all other laws related to residential buildings, and going by your lease with your landlord to-the-letter if you rent your home as well as any DEED requirements which were imparted upon you and which you agreed upon at the time of purchasing your property.
In short, if any of the above, or anything not mentioned, burdens even one neighbors ‘access, use, and exclusion rights’ to their property, you’re quite likely in violation of either local or state or federal law, or your lease with your landlord, or your property’s DEED RESTRICTIONS, and at serious risk therefore, for loss of your right to your OWN home should someone bring it up to the right party. You may also be subject to huge fines, in some states allowable to three-times-the-actual-damage to each damaged party or government entity or legal body per incident, be they your neighbors, your landlord, your mortgate company, your local, county, state, city governmental body, and the cost of legal fees to enforce the neighbors’ rights to not be burdened reasonable across and into their property line. And that’s just mentioning your LEGAL obligations, that’s not even taking into account any CIVIC obligation, or ethical obligation, or moral obligations to at least your fellow women.
So where the law certainly can be called to the table and the BAD neighbor can be forced to remove the burden which is completely OBJECTIVE per-community like-it-or-not and which BAD neighbor risks it all, the GOOD neighbor does so willingly over time and retains * additional * SUBJECTIVE social respect of her peers and risks nothing. There is nothing the BAD neighbor has to gain, but the momentary pathetic power over their neighbors’ property rights along with the knowledge that they’ve forced the neighbor to call them to the legal carpet. For the BAD neighbor there is everything at risk, in that in many cases including leases, they risk losing their own home and credit report history (which includes both civil and criminal law suits). How could it ever make sense then, that being a BAD neighbor is beneficial. There is much incentive therefore, in being a GOOD neighbor by default. It’s just not that hard to do.
In order to receive respect for your UPBRINGING that all women feel is always representative of the quality and character of YOUR MOTHER, you’d additionally need to ensure that your neighbors aren’t burdened by your family regarding the above with a happy heart, without an attitude or bitterness while living so. Otherwise, it just looks like you were raised very badly, by a woman who is of equal social value. And I ask, why put your mother through that publicly ? Civility and social respect raise us up as a being in quality above the animals of the field. That’s why we have specialists in nuclear medicine, why we have huge amusement parks for our families to enjoy on a rare family outing, why we enjoy new big-screen TV’s on our birthdays. Along with the neat little homes and the cute little energy efficient cars we drive to the grocery instead of walking, comes an obligation to those around us to GO BY THE STANDARDS required of your living in a neighborhood. Again, this is something that law and paper backs up for all residents in every community, this is not a subjective ‘request’ of some uptight 80-year-old cat-owner who rarely drives her brand new Lincoln Towncar.
This means too, your TRASH CANS need be presented as required of your Trash Collector, on the day your trash is picked up naturally (some ordinances define where your can need be in relation to the road, for example). And it equally means, that it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to pull those cans back out of the road after your Trash Collector empties them on your collection days, if they are blocking the safe ingress/egress of your neighbors accessing their yard or stipulated/assigned vehicle parking areas. This means, trash should be neatly displayed and wrapped per your trash companies requirements, and not blowing around or cans stuffed with raw garbage and diapers that the lid is open and the sweet smell of sewage then wafts gently into your neighbor’s front window as their guests arrive for dinner. This means, if the trash men dump your can and a loaded diaper falls out of it, on your street which has no other babies on it in diapers, that you yourself get to the road to retrieve it and place it back in your now-empty-can post haste, before your neighbors have to deal with the appearance of it before the community or have to remove it themselves FOR YOU (out of self-respect, but out of much less than NO-respect for you at that time, no doubt). To not do so, makes you look very very very small as a Woman. And to other women, watching you burden their access/use/exclusion rights to property they PAY for every month, you’re not making your Momma look very sharp either (reference the way she raised you).
This goes for dogs (whether off-leash, in or out of your fenced-or-not yard or on government-owned easement), nuisance barking whether daylight or after dark) and cats lurking or laying on the vehicles of neighbors, noise (of any kind which travels to the other property which comes from you or your visitors or property), overnight parties in your front yard with adults standing around, whether in lit areas or in the dark, conversing and drinking, your vehicles blocking roadways or driveways or yards.
Your OBLIGATIONS include, making sure your VISITORS do not block the right of access, use, and exclusion that your Neighbors have to their properties. Should your VISITORS do so, whether against your insistance, in absense of your insistance, or with your blessing be it passive or aggressive, you will be held responsible for your VISITORS misfeasance/malfeasance in the same way as if you’d done it yourself.
Most communities have several laws, ordinances, and-the-like on the books which will and do enforce the above – and the majority afford even more protection than the minimals mentioned above (should one be so uncouth as to FORCE a Neighbor to seek legal (or landlord) help, by not correcting the problem after they’ve noticed has been burdened with a loss of property rights because of them.
So, uncouth is uncouth. Not really good behavior at all. But WOMEN expect, and should expect, more from WOMEN neighbors.
When you NOTICE you’re standing in the way of your Neighbors property right to peaceful access, use, and exclusion of their property – FIX the PROBLEM.
When your Neighbor comes to your door, and says, five, six, or ten times, in an embarrassed tone “Would you mind asking your company to move their three vehicles which are blocking both our cars in, because I have to get to the Emergency Room” – FIX the PROBLEM then *MAKE SURE it NEVER happens Again*. It’s crudly called, woman-to-woman, having a vagina worthy of respect. Don’t want to do it-want to be uncouth, lazy, disrespectful to other women? Then be prepared to have your own womanly respect relegated to the TRASH bin, and have every woman who knows it of you and every woman the women that know it of you speak with, look at you like you were raised in a barn and not worthy of their bored glances (regardless of the visual *appearance* of the size of your bank account).
One final word of advice to the chic who does not value being respected by her female Neighbors -
After having made the decision to disrespect the other women in your Neighborhood, despite their extended and polite requests for your help to remove the problem, do not proceed to tell all your visitors in a loud voice from your front porch, how bad your Neighbor is because they were forced after months of loss to go to a third party to enforce their rights and regain the property rights they had forcibly taken from them by you. One, Neighbors frequently on beautiful days have their windows open, and Two, to lead OTHERS into harrassment against a Neighbor about how much a victim boo-hoo you are based on a lie (and apparently your new embarrassment at your bad judgment) just makes your mistakes as a human-being and a woman even worse, and frankly it’s just much more than the other Women of the neighborhood, those who value being a Woman Amongst Women, want to know about you. But it makes for another good yawn for them. Almost as good as Real-TV.
True story of another neighbor, observed unfortunately between the good and the bad by me (and no doubt several other neighbors whose windows were open at the time) -and how embarrassed I am for them, to know there are women out there like that.
Truth is, every individual who pays for their home, deserves to use it in any legal manner they so choose SO LONG AS it doesn’t remove the rights of another to do the same with their own home. That’s why they ‘pay’ for the property (both owners, and those who lease). The law protects those rights quite well. So whether a person is a respectable Woman to other Women (Neighbors) isn’t really a legal issue – because the law is, and should be, on the side of the property owner (and readily stops the abusive Neighbor who disregards the rights of others). However, this article is about what many women expect out of other women, in a civilized society (which civility separates us from the animals of the field). In addition to requiring of it’s residents OBJECTIVE laws, it’s a REAL woman’s job to know the benefit and feel the SUBJECTIVE debt * and it’s benefit to them * of working with other women in the neighborhood with some respect.
So to all the neighbor women out there, I say, in case your own mother didn’t teach you how to behave in public – as well as, how NOT to make your own mother look bad at how she raised you – let me be the one to enlighten you. You only have one life, best to grow a vagina and get some respect amongst your gender-peers, and develop some good memories of your contribution to your community and some pride at being a good woman. And at the very least, if you can’t muster any dignity as a woman yourself in public for your own future good, then do it so your mother doesn’t look bad to her peers. You’re not the only one to benefit from your own positive civic responsibility. And yes, you’re being asked to conform to a SUBJECTIVE standard to receive other women’s respect, but you’re going to be forced by the OBJECTIVE law and risk losing it all either way, so why not simply be a real woman by default and respect other women’s use of their properties from moving day.
Until next time,
Love to Respectful Women everywhere,
the Snow Rose Commentaries