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Top 10 Worst Song Lyrics… Ever…

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The Challenge

Have you ever heard a lyric that causes you actual physical pain when you hear it? We all have. I put this question to some premier music bloggers. I simply asked, “what song contains the absolute worst lyrics you’ve ever heard”? The resulting playlist contains the 10 worst song lyrics culled from the responses I received. Of course, what constitutes the “worst” is about as subjective as what constitutes “the best”. Bad lyrics have differing effects on different people. Some folks can thoroughly enjoy a song with pathetic lyrics because they either: 1. don’t listen to the words or 2. don’t care about the words. For others, lyrics are the most important part of a song and detest any tune that is lyrically deficient.

Please contribute to the list by adding the song you feel deserves the designation of “Worst Lyrics” to the comments.

And Now For The List…

1. “Your Body Is A Wonderland” by John Mayer from the album Room For Squares – 2001

At least the title of this John Mayer song gives the listener fair warning. So it’s my own fault that I’ve suffered through 4 minutes and 10 seconds of this over sexual, cheese-filled drivel.

It opens really strong with,

“We got the afternoon
You got this room for two
One thing I’ve left to do
Discover me
Discovering you”

So John, this “room for two” you speak of, is that like a Châteaubriand for two? Or maybe like a bicycle built for two? What the hell is a “room for two”? Is it just a small room? Or maybe a room with a bouncer that only allows two people in at one time? More likely, you really needed a word to rhyme with “you”. Brilliant songcraft indeed.

Next…

“One mile to every inch of
Your skin like porcelain
One pair of candy lips and
Your bubblegum tongue”

“Porcelain skin”, “Candy lips”? Let me offer a definition for you Mr. Mayer.

cli·ché n. A trite or overused expression or idea

As for “bubblegum tongue” I must say, I’ve never seen two words put together so badly.

I could do a thesis on why the lyrics in this song are so bad, but I will just leave you with some choice lines. They really do speak for themselves.

“And if you want love
We’ll make it
Swimming a deep sea
Of blankets”

“I’ll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it”

“I know you’re mine all mine all mine
But you look so good it hurts sometimes”

Horny yet?

Selected by Robert of the Radish

2. “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad” by Meat Loaf from the album Bat Out Of Hell - 1977

It is difficult to take lyrics out of context of the song and criticize them. Steve Allen is famous for doing that very thing, ridiculing Little Richard on TV with his deliberate rendition of Tutti Fruiti “Tutti Frutti, aw, rootie/A-wop-bop-a-loo-bop, a-lop bam boo”. Tutti Fruiti is a great song and the lyrics are incidental to the sound, the emotion and the music. Nevertheless, I have no problem divorcing the music from this words of this Meat Loaf song. It is just such pure nonsense sung in an earnest tone (and such a big hit) that it deserves to be called out.. But if you listen to the lyrics….ouch! .

“I poured it on and I poured it out
I tried to show you just how much I care
I’m tired of words and I’m too hoarse to shout
But you’ve been cold to me so long
I’m crying icicles instead of tears”

Okay – he is trying to tell her how he feels….how much he cares! But she is being cold. Why is she being cold?

“And all I can do is keep on telling you
I want you
I need you
But — there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you
Now don’t be sad
‘Cause two out of three ain’t bad
Now don’t be sad
‘Cause two out of three ain’t bad”

Ain’t Bad….it sucks Loaf! Big Time! That is not what a chick wants to hear! Maybe that’s why she is being cold.

It goes on from there….with lines like:
“….there ain’t no Coupe de Ville hiding at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box”

There we have…Meat is a Cracker Jack box. Love is the Coupe De Ville. The reason I love a good metaphor is it is so illuminating!

Of course there are many lyrics that make you shudder when you actually listen. Why did I choose this one? One of the worst things was this song was a big hit. The most inane line was the title and also is in the chorus. Even worse it was catchy and was on the radio all the time. I’d be singing to myself constantly, “Don’t be sad, two out of three ain’t bad”. Well, these lyrics are! And now thanks to this article, they are twirling around in my head again. Grrr!

Selected by Mark Munroe of MusicRocker

3. “MacArthur Park” by Donna Summer from the album Once Upon A Time – 1979

“Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
’cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe again… Oh, no!”

Having already been voted in several polls as the worst song lyrics ever, “MacArthur Park” is perhaps too easy of a target – but the lyrics are just soooo bad, how can you not pick it. Jimmy Webb is a great songwriter… which makes this all the more puzzling. It’s supposed to be a metaphor for love, and (like the music accompanying it) to be taken seriously, but instead lyrically it comes off as a novelty song, the kind that Ray Stevens might write. In the context of a novelty song, it wouldn’t be so bad, but it’s implied levity is ultimately what crushes the song, lyrically speaking.

“Between the parted pages and were pressed
In love’s hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants”

It was originally meant to be part of a 22-minute cantata that ended with this seven-minute coda… that’s the context of a serious piece of music, indeed. Richard Harris’ recording of it was a highly dramatic (ie, serious) reading and charted as high as #2 in the U.S. About a decade later, Donna Summer recorded a disco version of it which went to #1. Now disco… not so serious.

An easy target for parody, the song was redone by Weird Al Yankovic as “Jurassic Park,” detailing the plot to the Speilberg movie. It’s been inexplicably covered more than fifty times, including versions by Glen Campbell, Liza Minelli and Waylon Jennings. But my favorite cover, however, is a version by the band The Negro Problem, who changed the word “cake” to “crack” better reflecting MacArthur Park’s drug-dealing existence today. In that humorous context, the lyrics don’t seem so bad. Seriously.

Selected by Drake of Thus Spake Drake

4. “Fix You” by Coldplay from the album X & Y – 2005

While we have come not to expect too much in the way of lyrics from Mr. Martin, progress had certainly been made from the Let Your Fingers Do the Walking inspired “Yellow” to the “Guessing at Numbers and Figures” in “The Scientist.” Plus, along with the improved lyrics we had more developed and varied music to accompany. So, big expectations for the next installment in the progression of a pop band who perhaps deserves all the attention thrown at it. Unfortunately, this one is going to have to go down as a disappointing setback as lyrics like:

“When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need”

as the opening two lines on the track that the band describes as the seed from which the rest of the album bloomed just don’t cut it.

Sure, I know I’m going to piss off all the hopeless romantics out there who really feel this song about a person trying in vain to help their lover through a difficult time. I agree that the subject matter could be quite moving. It’s just that Mr. Martin leans too heavily on cliche and in the end makes this song, which by the way is quite beautiful musically speaking, very distant and cold. Perhaps because his life is going very well these days (e.g. hot wife, cute baby, lots of money, etc) he just wasn’t able to dig deep on this one… Or perhaps because he spends so much time fighting to keep his life private, it was natural for him to keep the songs at arm’s length.

Or maybe they are just a simple pop band and we’ve already seen the best they can offer…

Selected by Chris of worthyMUSIC

5. “Burrito” by Pete Yorn from the album The Day I Forgot – 2003

There is no way you can use the word “burrito” in a love song and be
taken seriously.

“It’s a 7-11
Do you want to take a walk outside
If you want a burrito
You can have another bite of mine”

Selected by Robert Duffy of Donewaiting

6. “Cherry Pie” by Warrant from the album Cherry Pie – 1990

The lyrics speak for themselves. Coupled with the video featuring a strategically targeted slice of falling pie, Warrant’s Cherry Pie could win the daily double for worst lyrics and music video. We get the reference Warrant! We’re not that dumb.

“Swingin’ in there
Cause she wanted me to feed her
So I mixed up the batter
And she licked the beater”

Selected by the FIQL.com team

7. “One In A Million” by Guns ‘n’ Roses from the album G N’ R Lies – 1988

At its most defensible, one could make the case that this song is the rock ‘n’ roll version of the Michael Douglas movie “Falling Down”, in which the ‘hero’ is driven by the frustrations of life in an urban area, and takes it out on anyone in his path, particularly those of color who are engaged in stereotypical activities that reinforce his supposed helplessness.

“Falling Down”, of course, is bullshit. As is “One In A Million” In it, our hero decides he needs to get away:

“Guess I needed/Sometime to get away /I needed some peace of mind /Some peace of mind that’ll stay
So I thumbed it /Down to sixth and L.A./Maybe your greyhound /Could be my way”

Sixth and Los Angeles is Skid Row; the mission/flop house district. It is indeed full of derelicts of a rainbow of colors, including white. The last stop of the intracity Greyhound lines is at the station at the heart of Skid Row. So Axl thumbs it to the Greyhound station, an unlikely premise from the start, but we’ll stick with it. Maybe your (whose? The station’s?) Greyhound could be his way (or, maybe he means ‘going his way’). So our stage is set: Axl, or a guy like him, standing on Skid Row, squinting around in the L.A. glare for the bus depot.

“Police and niggers/That’s right /Get out of my way
Don’t need to buy none of your /Goldchains today
I don’t need no bracelets /Clamped in front of my back
Just need my ticket till then /Won’t you cut me some slack

We were skating on thin ice already, but here’s where the tautologies come in. The gratuitous “niggers” isn’t an automatic strike against him; literary license allows him such language in the service of a bigger point. The strike against him is that there is no bigger point. Why niggers? Why not wetbacks? Or chinks? Downtown Los Angeles is home to more Mexicans and Chinese than blacks. The subject of this verse “police and niggers” doesn’t work anyway with the object “goldchains”; presumably the cops aren’t selling them, the, er, “niggers” are, except nobody sells gold chains on SKid Row, although guys who look like Axl sometimes get the bracelets clamped in “front” of their backs. But okay, he just needs a ticket, we’ll cut him some slack.

Chorus:
“You’re one in a million/Yeah, that’s what you are /You’re one in a million, babe /You are a shooting star
Maybe someday we’ll see you /Before you make us cry /You know we tried to reach you /But you were much to high
Much to high /Much to high /Much to high”

We’ll just brush this meaningless chorus aside and get back to the meat here, but before we do we have to ask: what is he talking about? Are we all one in a million? Is Axl? Is the “babe” one in a million? WHo’s gonna make who cry? Who was much too high? High on drugs, is that what this is all about? Why the sudden change from future tense to past tense?

“Immigrants and faggots /They make no sense to me
They come to our country /And think they’ll do as they please
Like start some mini Iran /Or spread some fucking disease
They talk so many goddamn ways /It’s all greek to me
Well some say I’m lazy /And others say that’s just me
Some say I’m crazy /I guess I’ll always be
But it’s been such a long time/Since I knew right from wrong
It’s all the means to an end, I,/I keep on movin’ along”

Immigrants and faggots. We’ll take them one at a time. I assume Axl means immigrants of color; I don’t read this as an anti-Dutch screed, or a let’s-throw-the-Swedes-out rant. Once again, our hero attributes the next line “they come to our country” to both the immigrants and the faggots, but most “faggots” here are born here. And what about the faggots? He never gets to why he doesn’t like them. The immigrants think they’ll do as they please (what does Axl think he does?).

Count me among those who say he’s lazy; too lazy to think, too lazy to understand, too lazy to look past his ego, too lazy to have an epiphany, too lazy to make a real case, and too lazy even to release a new album, for that matter.

Number me among those who say he’s crazy; what a career he’s blown, for no sound reason whatsoever. He sure doesn’t know right from wrong, I’ll give him that. Keep on movin’ Axl, move right along.

Chorus:
“Radicals and racists/Don’t point your finger at me/I’m a small town white boy/Just tryin’ to make ends meet
Don’t need your religion/Don’t watch that much TV /Just makin’ my livin’, baby,/Well that’s enough for me”

At least Michael Douglas underwent some kind of catharsis before being blown away by LAPD in “Falling Down”. Axl ends the song just as dumb as he was when he started it. Rather than making a case for his hatred, he says don’t point fingers at him. I ain’t a radical or a racist, and I don’t need no religion either. I’m also a white boy tryin’ to make a living. And I do it without spraying the city with dum-dum bullets. And that’s enough for me.

Selected by uao of Freeway Jam

8. “Muskrat Love” by Captain & Tennille from the album Song of Joy – 1976

The song “Muskrat Love” has some of the worst lyrics of all time. I am sure that there are other more obscure songs with worse lyrics than “Muskrat Love,” but I thought I would keep it to the more familiar. The song was made famous by The Captain & Tennille, though it was originally written by country star Willis Alan Ramsey in 1971. America recorded a version in 1973, however, it is The Captain & Tennille’s version in 1976 on their album Song of Joy that made the song infamous.

What exactly is this song about?

“And now he’s ticklin’ her fancy
Rubbin’ her toes
Muzzle to muzzle, now anything goes
As they wriggle, and Sue starts to giggle”

Is it a G-rated version of rodent pornography? Could Willis have inhaled second hand smoke at a Willie Nelson concert?

“And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
Singin’ and jingin’ the jango
Floatin’ like the heavens above
It looks like muskrat love”

Muskrat Susie and Muskrat Sam apparently do some sort of jitterbug and tango in muskrat land. I assume this is some variation on muskrat foreplay, as surely was documented on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom or perhaps too many bubbles were consumed while watching Lawrence Welk.

A little research on muskrat mating activities led to the discovery that muskrats are promiscuous. Is Susie about to have a one night stand? Didn’t somebody warn her about the likes of Muskrat Sam? Or is Sam the exception to the rule? Stay tuned ……

Selected by Mr. Bond of Covalent Bond

9. “I Write The Songs” by Barry Manilow from the album Tryin’ To Get The Feeling – 1975

My first instinct, when faced with this challenge, was to pick the low hanging fruit of 2Live Crew. That, of course, is the worst and that would be too easy. Then, I came across this little treasure. This song is so bad in so many ways that its hard to know where to start. It’s excruciating to listen to this song. Barry Manilow wrote this song for his album entitled “Tryin’ To Get The Feeling.” As the album title suggests, poor Barry is “tryin'” so hard to get the feeling but I don’t think he got it this time.

The first verse offers quite a metaphorical pronoucement. Barry is no longer just Barry. Barry IS music and Barry wrote the song. In fact, since Barry IS music, he came up with the idea of putting words and melodies together and he wrote the very first song. That’s pretty cool! Way to go Barry! Or eh.. Music! Or whoever you are.

It reminds me of a fingerpainting toddler who looks up, with Barney purple colored hands, and won’t stop saying,”I’m fingerpainting!!” Look I’m fingerpainting!” Yep, that’s right, he’s fingerpainting.

Within the chorus, lies the hook that gets everybody up off their ass: “I write the songs, I write the songs” If Barry could get the whole lounge to sing the words, “I write the songs, I write the songs,” then that really would be SPECIAL.

Did I mention that Barry is still music (metaphorically) when he kicks in to verse two? Well he is until he looks out of someone else’s eyes and starts feeling young again even though he’s very old. Hey wait a second! Barry’s not old! It’s 1975! I guess the metaphor is no longer operational. Oh well. “Music fills your heart. Well, that’s a real fine place to start.” Barry IS DA MAN!! Barry writes the songs.

Selected by Pantagruel of the Radish Message Board

10. “Candy Shop” by 50 Cent featuring Olivia from the album The Massacre – 2005

I had to include this classic piece of literature by 50 Cent. I would expect no less from a guy who has grammar issues with his stage name. This one, like the John Mayer song, falls into the overtly-sexual. Not that I have anything against sex or am standing on a moral soapbox. It has nothing to do with the subject and everything to do with the delivery.

“I’ll break it down for you now, baby it’s simple
If you be a nympho, I’ll be a nympho
In the hotel or in the back of the rental
On the beach or in the park, it’s whatever you into
Got the magic stick, I’m the love doctor “

“Soon as I come through the door she get to pullin on my zipper
It’s like it’s a race who can get undressed quicker
Isn’t it ironic how erotic it is to watch em in thongs
Had me thinking ’bout that ass after I’m gone “

So essentially, we now have a dreadfully disturbing image of Mr. 50 “the love doctor” Cent’s “magic stick”. Thanks a lot Fiddy…

Selected by Robert of the Radish

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  • http://www.dorksandlosers.com Tan The Man

    Anything Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson ever did…

  • http://www.wallybangs.blogspot.com wallybangs

    Barry Manilow didn’t write “I Write The Songs” – Bruce Johnston of Beach Boys fame did. I think he won a Grammy for it. It’s still a horrible tune.

  • Keith Sikora

    “The Crown & The Ring [Lament of the Kings]”- Manowar…oh, wait, I thought this was 10 best song lyrics…

  • http://paskudnyak.blogspot.com The Proprietor

    Apologies for the long comment, but perhaps the best reasons for making oldies radio stations go away are songs like Jimmy Gilmer’s horrid “Sugar Shack”

    There’s a crazy little shack beyond the tracks
    And ev’rybody calls it the sugar shack
    Well, it’s just a coffeehouse and it’s made out of wood
    Expresso coffee tastes mighty good
    That’s not the reason why I’ve got to get back
    To that sugar shack, whoa baby
    To that sugar shack.

    There’s this cute little girlie, she’s a’workin’ there
    A black leotard and her feet are bare
    I’m gonna drink a lotta coffee, spend a little cash
    Make that girl love me when I put on some trash
    You can understand why I’ve got to get back
    To that sugar shack, whoa baby
    To that sugar shack, yeah honey
    To that sugar shack, whoa yes
    To that sugar shack.

    Now that sugar shack queen is a’married to me, yeah yeah
    We just sit around and dream of those old memories
    Ah, but one of these days I’m gonna lay down tracks
    In the direction of that sugar shack
    Just me and her yes we’re gonna go back
    To that sugar shack,
    Whoa uh ohT
    o that sugar shack, yeah honey
    To our sugar shack

    and even more insipid, if possible, The Bobettes’ Mr. Lee:

    One, two, three, look at Mr. Lee
    Three, four, five look at him jive
    Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee, hup
    Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee hup
    Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee hup
    Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee

    I met my sweetie
    His name is Mr. Lee
    I met my sweetie
    His name is Mr. Lee
    He’s the handomest sweetie
    That you ever did see

    My heart is achin’
    For you Mr. Lee
    My heart is achin’
    For you Mr. Lee
    Cause I love you so
    And I’ll never let you go

    Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee, hup
    Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee hup
    Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee hup
    Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee

    Here comes Mr. Lee
    He calls for me
    Here comes Mr. Lee
    He calls for me
    He’s my lover boy
    Let’s jump for joy

    C’mon Mr. Lee
    And do your stuff
    C’mon Mr. Lee
    And do your stuff
    Cause you’re goin’ to be mine
    Till the end of time

    One, two, three, look at Mr. Lee
    Three, four, five look at him jive

    One, two, three, look at Mr. Lee
    Three, four, five look at him jive

    Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee, hup
    Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee hup
    Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee hup
    Mr. Lee, Mr. Lee

  • John Bryson

    Alanis Morrisette – “Ironic” – My God, none of the examples she sings about is ironic! How is rain on your wedding day ironic? It makes me crazy whenever I hear the song…

  • Eric Olsen

    I always thought it was “isn’t it bubonic, don’t you think?”

  • http://www.earvolution.com Rob

    IRONIC by Alanis Morissette.

    She keeps giving so-called examples of ironic situations which are NOT ironic !

    “A traffic jam when you’re already late” – that’s not ironic. That’s just a pain in the ass. There is nothing ironic per se about being stuck in a traffic jam when you’re already late. If you were a town planner and you were late for a seminar at which you were going to give a talk on how you had solved the problem of traffic congestion in the area but you were late for the presentation because of the traffic, THAT would be ironic.

    “A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break” – that’s just inconsiderate office management. A no smoking sign in a cigarette factory would be ironic.

    “It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife” – that’s not ironic. That’s just stupid. How big is your sink, Alanis ?? Who the hell has ten thousand spoons ?? And what is this knife for ?? To stab the guy who keeps leaving spoons all over your house ?!

    “It’s like rain on your wedding day” – no, that’s NOT irony ! It would be ironic if it rained on your wedding day and you were marrying a weatherman, and he set the date.

    The only ironic thing about that song is that it’s called “Ironic” and it is written by a person who does NOT know what irony is.

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    “… ten thousand spoons, when all ya need is a knife…”

    Yeah, well, it’s probably a good idea not to have a knife too handy when that song comes on the radio.

    My favorite commentary on Alanis Morrisette’s song is from Sarah Vowell, if I recall correctly: “Irony isn’t black fly in your chardonnay. Irony is naming your national airport after the president who fired all the air traffic controllers.”

  • Eric Olsen

    all Alanis knows is YOU OUGHTTA KNOW

  • http://dumpsterbust.blogspot.com/ Eric Berlin

    What ought we know though bro?

  • http://www.temptationwaits.com visualsimplicity

    I’m going to have to give worst lyrics to “One Week” by Barenaked Ladies:

    None of the regular lyrics of the song had anything to do with the chorus (which I think is about apologizing???). Here’s an example:

    Chickity China the Chinese chicken
    You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin’
    Watchin’ X-Files with no lights on
    We’re dans la maison
    I hope the Smoking Man’s in this one
    Like Harrison Ford I’m getting frantic
    Like Sting I’m tantric
    Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy

    Like Kurasawa I make mad films
    Okay, I don’t make films
    But if I did they’d have a Samurai
    Gonna get a set a’ better clubs
    Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
    Just so my irons aren’t always flying off the back-swing
    Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
    ‘Cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babes
    That make me think the wrong thing

    Huh?

  • Duane

    Poor Alanis. She just wanted to say

    “Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
    When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right.

    And life has a funny way of helping you out when
    You think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up in your face.”

    and provided a few examples. Pretty simple, really. The original title was “Isn’t Life a Pain in the Ass?” but someone talked her into the “Ironic” title.

    The lyrics were

    “And isn’t it a royal pain in the ass…dontcha think?”

    But it didn’t flow right, so …

    I wouldn’t think that Alanis’s overreaching attempt to sound intelligent should qualify as one of the worst lyrics of all time.

    There’s some truly bad shit out there. How bout this gem from one of the biggest hitmakers, Barry White?

    Uh…
    Oh, baby
    Oh, baby (Keep on)
    Come on, baby (Keep on doin’ it, right on)
    Mmm, mmm, mmm (Right on doin’ it)
    You got it together (Baby, keep on)
    Oh, you got it together, baby (Right on, keep on doin’ it)
    Not yet, baby, oh, not yet
    Mmm, mmm (My-my baby, keep on)
    I swear you got it together, baby (Keep on, keep on)

    etc.

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    “One Week” is brilliant and entertaining. You can read deep meanings into the lyrics if so inclined, or just relax and enjoy the ride on their chaotic stream of consciousness.

    Apology is, among other things, an attempt to transform conflict into a shared experience. The lyrics outside the chorus in “One Week” express how difficult it can be to create any shared experience when we are all steeped in a popular culture crowded with such vast diversity of images and references.

    Also they’re hilarious.

  • http://w6daily.winn.com/ Phillip Winn

    Clearly, Robert, you’ve mastered the skill of drawing attention to your posts. You make ludicrous claims, and people can’t seem to help themselves — they must respond!

    Seriously, man, the John Mayer song rises above cliche to achieve near-perfection. But I’m guessing you know that. :-)

  • http://musical-guru.blogspot.com Mike

    Well, originally I had suggested “MacArthur Park,” but Drake nabbed it.

    So my runner-up vote is “Doo Wah Diddy.” Which is just as stupid as “MacArthur Park,” except that “MacArthur Park” tried and failed to be good, profound lyrics. “Doo Wah Diddy” doesn’t try to be either good or profound, the words just suck. Apart from the obvious (the chorus), how can the girl in the song be both walking down the street AND shuffling her feet? And even if you’re the horniest guy on Earth, isn’t it a little creepy to have a strange woman suddenly holding your hand and walking next to you?

    Did the lyricist suddenly think, “Hmmm, I bet I can write lyrics even MORE meaningless than “Da Doo Ron Ron”?

    (By the way, Robert, I really enjoyed contributing to your last group list. Please do keep me in mind for future ones.)

  • http://www.musicradish.com Robert

    “ludicrous claims”

    hmmm… don’t know about that.. Just opinion. According to dictionary.com (which I checked just to be certain) a “ludicrous claim” would need to make a “statement of something as a fact” which I don’t think I have done.

  • http://www.andrewiandodge.com Andrew Ian Dodge

    There are lots of excruciating lyrics…most of the songs from the 50s for example. As far as really shite ones I can think of…’Stand’ by REM comes to mind.

  • http://www.andrewiandodge.com Andrew Ian Dodge

    A great song but awful. “Give her inches…feed her well.”

    Anyone know what song I mean?

  • http://www.iamcorrect.com Lono

    the Rolling Stones, with this gem

    She blew my nose, and then she blew my mind

  • Paul

    Andrew, you’re thinking of “Rock You Like a Hurricane” by The Scorpions – a pretty good song if you don’t notice the lyrics.

    But if you’re making a Worst Lyrics list, you’ve got to include some Foreigner:

    “Fill my eyes with that double vision
    No disguise for that double vision”

    “Yeah, he’s gotta keep rockin’
    He just can’t stop
    Gotta keep on rockin’
    That boy has got to stay on top”

    “I’m gonna take a little time
    A little time to look around me
    I’ve got nowhere left to hide
    It looks like love has finally found me”

    “But I know, yes I know, how to treat you right
    That’s why you call me in the middle of the night”

  • godoggo

    What I like best about skid row in L.A. is that it’s actually identified by a sign there that says “Skid Row.” Is this a common phenomenon.

  • http://www.dorksandlosers.com Tan The Man

    Alanis wasn’t that special.

  • Marty Thau

    How about YUMMY, YUMMY, YUMMY
    (I got love in my tummy)

  • http://freewayjam.blogspot.com uao

    I always enjoy when Robert posts these because I look forward to seeing what the others have posted, and what suggestions appear in the thread.

    Although I made my pick for worst lyric, I’d like to also mention this immortal line from George Harrison’s “The Lord Loves The One Who Loves The Lord”

    “The leaders of nations/They’re acting like big girls”

  • http://www.mondoirlando.com Aaron, Duke De Mondo

    “”Falling Down”, of course, is bullshit.”

    Uao, THANK YOU

    god almighty, someone else who agrees, i think. offensive right-wing trash. as is One In A Million.

    this is a grand post, robert.

  • http://www.mondoirlando.com Aaron, Duke De Mondo

    re: comment 7

    Rob, you just quoted Ed Byrne’s routine word for word!!!! egads, man, the irish tearaway’s gonna be cacking himself if he finds out

  • http://www.mondoirlando.com Aaron, Duke De Mondo

    what of bad song TITLES? “She Loves My Cock” by Jackyl springs to mind (no pun intended), but it’s one of those numbers that is very very close to being possibly the BEST song title ever. in fact fuck it, She Loves My Cock is the best song title ever by anyone.

    Bright Eyes used to pepper his records with exceedingly pretentious song titles, usually three paragraphs long. Connor got away with it, mind, on account of his fringe, and also, he’s brilliant.

    heh, i dunno if this is a BAD lyric, as such, just one that amuses me maybe in a way contrary to the intention;

    “She’s got a sister
    And on the palm of her hand is a blister
    And god only knows how i missed her
    And i need more time”

    hah, from the wonderful She’s Electric by Oasis

    as to Best lyrics, i dare say this from ICE-T takes some beatin;

    “PMRC such my dick, please,
    You can kiss my ass while you’re on your knees”

  • http://www.musicradish.com Robert

    Who wrote “Light My Fire”?

  • http://akma.disseminary.org AKMA

    What about “Riders On the Storm”?

    Into this house we’re born
    Into this world we’re thrown
    Like a dog without a bone
    An actor out alone

    There’s a killer on the road
    His brain is squirmin’ like a toad

  • Nick Jones

    Ever hear a song that was absolutely ruined by one lyric? Remember Harry Nilsson? On his album Son of Schilsson, he had a song called “You’re Breakin’ My Heart”. Besides being graced by a slide guitar solo by George Harrison, it includes lyrics (chorus first, oddly enough) such as:

    “You’re breakin’ my heart,
    you’re tearin’ it apart,
    so FUCK YOU.”

    Terrific: finally, a song that shows the real feelings behind all those G-rated breakup or you-done-me-wrong songs. But then, at the end, Nilsson blows the whole thing:

    “You’re breakin’ my heart,
    [a line that ends with a rhyme for ‘heart’],
    but I Love You.”

    Destroys the whole raison d’etre of the thing. Pisses me the fuck off. The only critique I can give is to Harry himself:

    “That song was no rave,
    and you’re in your grave,
    so it’s too late for you, ooo-ooo,

    Your best song was lame,
    They’ve forgotten your name,
    So FUCK YOU.”

  • http://drakelelane.blogspot.com drake

    Alanis’ “Ironic” was actually my second choice.

    Is it ironic that she slept through 10th grade English when they went over the concept of irony?

  • http://drakelelane.blogspot.com drake

    FYI – for MacArthur Park, the “Oh no” is part of the lyrics, not my input.

  • http://www.andrewiandodge.com Andrew Ian Dodge

    Paul, yeah you got it in one. I adore that song but man are the lyrics twee.

  • http://www.thesharpthings.com Jim Santo

    I gotta hand my vote to famous fat cokehead Stephen Stills:

    If you’re down, and confused
    And you don’t remember, who you’re talkin’ to
    Concentration slips away
    ‘Cause your baby is so far away

    Chorus
    And there’s a rose, in a fisted glove
    And the eagle flies, with the dove
    And if you can’t be, with the one you love
    Love the one you’re with

    Don’t be angry, don’t be sad
    Don’t sit cryin’ over good times you had
    There’s a girl, right next to you
    And she’s just waitin’, for something to do

    [Chorus]

    Turn your heartache right into joy
    She’s a girl, and you’re a boy
    So get it together, make it nice
    You ain’t gonna need, any more advice

  • Eric Olsen

    I am still pondering this: there is something obvious just out of my reach at the moment, but I’ll find it!

  • http://www.andrewiandodge.com Andrew Ian Dodge

    As someone who listens to/reads lyrics quite a bit (no realising until recently that I was interested in being a lyricist) it amazes me how truly dire some of the lyrics from song faves of mine are in the end. It a good example of how songs work because of both the lyrics & the music…

  • Drum

    Has anyone mentioned Rod Stewart yet? From ‘Do you think I’m sexy?’

    He took her back
    To his high-rise apartment
    At last he could tell her
    Exactly what his heart meant…

  • http://www.scopecreep.com/Rhapsody Pantagruel

    Thank you Wallybangs,

    I guess Barry Manilow didn’t write the songs. haha

    I heard somewhere that Mayer wrote Wonderland for his girlfriend Jennifer Love Huge-tits.

  • Rob

    How about these nuggets:

    Aerosmith, “I don’t want to stop”:
    “I could stay awake just to hear you breathing,
    Watch you smile while you are sleeping,
    While you are far away and dreaming,
    I could spend my life in this sweet surrender,
    I could stay lost in this moment forever,
    Where a moment spent with you is a moment I treasure,”

    I hate that lyric so much. Terrible.

    Poison, “Every Rose Has it’s Thorn”:
    “Every rose has its thorn
    Just like every night has its dawn
    Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
    Every rose has its thorn”

    Avril Lavigne, “Sk8ter Boi”:
    “He was a boy
    She was a girl
    Can i make it any more obvious”
    She’s a teenager, so a bit of forgiveness is in order.

    Spice Girls, “Wannabe”:
    “Yo I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
    So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
    I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
    So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
    I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
    really really wanna zigzag ha.”
    What the hell?

  • http://gratefuldread.net Natalie Davis

    “What ought we know though bro?”

    Alanis does not know the meaning of the word “ironic.” Don’tcha think?

    Must disagree about Barenaked Ladies’ “One Week.” The song is cleverer than it appears — these guys are wicked smart.

    More suggestions:

    “Everybody have fun tonight
    Everybody have fun tonight
    Everybody wang chung tonight
    Everybody have fun”

    Wang Chung, of course, is the duo behind the song, but what is “wang chunging” as a verb? How does one wang chung? And why would anyone want to wang chung? What’s fun about it?

    OK, how about Poison’s “Unskinny Bop”?

    “Unskinny bop
    Just blows me away
    Unskinny bop, bop
    All night and day
    Unskinny bop, bop, bop, bop
    She just loves to play
    Unskinny bop, nothin’ more to say”

    Catchy, but stupid.

    How about this lyrical convolution from 34 years ago:

    “In the desert, you can remember your name
    ‘Cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain”

    Is America lyricist Dewey Bunnelll saying the desert is great because no one will hurt you there?

    And finally — god, there are so many — a song that has always irked me, Amy Grant’s “It Takes a Little Time”:

    “It takes a little time sometimes, to get the Titanic turned back around.”

    No, hon, the Titanic is beyond turning back. Has been for generations. Try again.

  • Antfreeze

    Nancy Sinatra, Boots were made for walkin…

    you keep samin
    when you oughta be changin

    top (or bottom) that…

  • http://dumpsterbust.blogspot.com/ Eric Berlin

    I’m really glad Poison has checked in a few times on this list…

  • sisi

    I would like to add the Hilary Duff song “Come Clean” to this list. “Let the rain fall down/And wake my dreams/Let it wash away my sanity/’Cause I wanna feel the thunder, I wanna scream”. What? It’s not like I try to listen to Ms. Duff, but I couldn’t help but notice these awful lyrics. And I heartily agree with 50 Cent’s “Candy Shop”. I feel so ashamed that there are three artists on this list that I really like–Pete Yorn, Coldplay, and John Mayer. I think the Yorn song is forgivable. It’s not supposed to be a metaphor or anything, it’s actually a story about how he was hanging out at the 7-11, eating a ton microwave burritos and waiting for a girl to call him. Okay, maybe it’s not so forgivable.

  • Sarah T.

    The Thong Song : 8 “songwriter” credits for this : “…dumps like a truck, truck, truck…”
    So, um, about 3 words per “writer”…

  • http://www.yahoo.com Destin

    I’m all for “Wonderland” being a bad song, but the phrase “room for two” confusing you isn’t a valid complaint. It’s a hotel room. For two people. As you might specify when speaking with the desk clerk.

    To add another nitpick, I think it’s funny when someone critizes another’s (50 Cent’s) “grammer” while misspelling “grammar.”

    So here’s a nominee: Cranberries – Free To Decide. Perhaps too obscure for a list, but I remember hearing it on the radio and being deeply offended at the incompetence of this verse:

    You must have nothing,
    More with your time to do.
    There’s a war in Russia,
    And Sarajevo too.

    We’ve got awkward sentence structure to facilitate a cheap rhyme, and random wars suddenly name-checked in a song about one person being kinda bummed out about stuff. There’s no particular depth to the line, nor protest of the wars, but it’s shoehorned in because all the Cranberries wanted to be was U2. Empty seriousness? Awkward grammar? Pretentious “Message?” Lazy rhyme? Smells like bad lyrics.

  • Anne

    Ok–most of these I can agree to on some level. However, I can’t include Cherry Pie on there. I agree that the lyrics are bad, but, lets face it, they were not trying to be good. I also can’t agree with John Mayer’s song. I love that song, it is very sexy, even if it is corny.

    There are so many bad songs but the only one that keeps coming into my head “Can’t Fight This Feeling Anymore” from REO Speedwagon.

  • alliann1288

    How about Chumbawamba’s “Tubthumping”? Those lyrics are horrible…I mean, come’on, “Pissing the night away…”??

  • http://gratefuldread.net Natalie Davis

    I really like John Mayer too, but while listening to “Wonderland,” it’s hard to fight the urge to scream, “Shut up and play your guitar!”

    And oh god, hearing “Thong Song” makes me ashamed to come from Baltimore. Sisqo lives about 10 minutes away from here. Ugh.

    Also, ugh… my daughter posits Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby”:

    “To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
    Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle”

    My dead horse-beating firstborn labeled these as the dumbest lyrics she has ever heard outside of ’70s art-rock à la Genesis and Fairport Convention. My reply, “What do you expect? Consider the source.”

  • Cynthia

    A lot of lyrics can’t stand alone, but need music to resonate. Lots of these lyrics are silly , sure. But you don’t notice or particularly care until it’s pointed out to you. Sometimes silly or cliche lyrics work in the context of a tune.
    Sugar Shack for example, I think, paints a carefree caricature of coffehouse beatniks. It’s fun!
    Pop music and rock and roll should be nothing if not fun!!!

  • Eric Olsen

    good point, that’s part of my problem with this concept: MOST lyrics sound pretty silly on the written page, but that isn’t where they were meant to be experienced. The musical setting and the singers tone can make all the difference in the world

  • http://www.markiscranky.org Mark Saleski

    Got mashed potatoes
    Got mashed potatoes
    Got mashed potatoes
    Ain’t got no T-Bone
    Ain’t got no T-Bone

    Got mashed potatoes
    Got mashed potatoes
    Got mashed potatoes
    Got mashed potatoes
    Ain’t got no T-Bone

    (a sort of Philip Glass thing by way of a canadian hippie)

  • skip tracer

    Why do people still make commentary about “Ironic” and act as if they are the first person to ever make such astute observations? Do you really think you’re the first person to notice that none of the lines are ironic, or that the fact that none of the lyrics are ironic is what makes the song ironic? Give me a break.

    Anyway, some of the worst lyrics ever have to be Dashboard Confessional ones, especially the one from the song from the Spiderman II soundtrack, particularly the line: “Hope dangles on a string, like slow spinning redemption.”

    How can you compare two abstract concepts in this way? Since when does redemption spin slowly? Doesn’t make any sense.

  • http://w6daily.winn.com/ Phillip Winn

    Skip Tracer, you’ve got a bit of a problem with comprehending lyrics, eh?

    Redemption doesn’t spin slowly, but things dangling on strings spin slowly.

    So hope is like redemption, but tenuously, as if dangling on a string.

    Well, that’s how I read that line anyway, isolated from the song I’ve never heard.

  • Eric Olsen

    “Skip Tracer” is a very cool name, though

  • Eric Olsen

    A good (female) friend of mine selected “If You Wanna Be Happy (For the Rest of Our Life)” as her wedding song – how do we fell about that?

  • http://paperfrigate.blogspot.com DrPat

    A song is poetry set to music. Clearly, however, some poetry is doggerel. Even the “best” artists are not immune. I think of Sting for example:

    Lyric:

    This place has changed for good / Your economic theory said it would / It’s hard for us to understand / We can’t give up our jobs the way we should / Our blood has stained the coal / We tunneled deep inside the nation’s soul / We matter more than pounds and pence / Your economic theory makes no sense…

    Doggerel:

    At the still point of destruction / At the centre of the fury / All the angels, all the devils / All around us can’t you see / There is a deeper wave than this / Rising in the land / There is a deeper wave than this / Nothing will withstand

    I say love is the seventh wave [repeat over and over]

    I don’t know, but I suspect “We Work the Black Seam” and “Love is the Seventh Wave” had different writers. So we have the sonnet-like rondeau of “Fortress Around Your Heart,” juxtaposed with the inanity of “Shadows in the Rain.”

  • http://www.JoeMyGod.com Joe.My.God.

    You fucked up on the Donna Summer item.

    “MacArthur Park” was NOT on Once Upon A Time.

    It was on Live And More.

    EVERYBODY knows that.

  • Eric Olsen

    it didn’t last, by the way

  • http://www.temptationwaits.com visualsimplicity

    I still think “One Week” is them trying to make a social commentary while being goofy and silly at the same time, but coming off as just being stupid and unfunny.

    Let me nominate another attempt at social commentary while coming off as stupid. Good Charlotte’s “Boys and Girls”.

    Girls Don’t Like Boys.
    Girls Like Cars And Money
    Boys Will Laugh At Girls When They’re Not Funny

    Couldn’t find something meaningful to rhyme with money? How is boys laughing at girls when they’re not funny a profound observation?

  • http://w6daily.winn.com/ Phillip Winn

    Comments 55 and 58 are related, yes?

    And yeah, Skip Tracer is a rocking nom de plume.

  • Eric Olsen

    yes

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    Yeah, everyone knows Alanis is an idiot who has some weird sort of lyrical dyslexia (either that or she’s hippie Yoda) — “Under Rug Swept Problems of Girl Hippie Canada From.”

    And every freshman grad student TA I had and likely every English teacher who thinks they’re hip and clever make fun of this dated song from ten years ago when they teach you what irony means the first day of class. Give it a break already.

    Alanis did however, write one great song, “Thank You,” which is a beautiful piece of music and melody despite the meandering hippie lyrics about India. I love that song.

    Robert Burke! Not bad, I like your writing.

    Good call on the John Mayer song … that song gives me the creeps. It’s a stalker serial killer anthem to me and sounds like what Jeffrey Dahmer would have played while filleting his victims had John Mayer been around then. “Daughters” is almost as creepy a song because it’s so cynical and calculated to get on adult-contemporary radio so you think John Mayer’s a sensitive sweetheart rather than a big poofy-headed geek who brags about all the women he gets with his horrible music. The man’s a misogynist, through and through, and he’s too wimpy to just write cock rock songs.

    I don’t mind Dashboard Confessional (I just saw them at Lollapalooza and didn’t mind them even though my girlfriend and my other bitches were swooning over that pretty boy lead singer with the high voice). Yeah, Chris Carraba is too damn earnest about every song and seems way too happy to be all that emo with his bad high-school poetry, but that’s to be expected with the genre. That “Vindicated” is still a really good song, though, and I don’t like emo.

    Whoever singled out “Mr Lee” by the Bobettes just doesn’t get it. It’s a great, simple, silly song, like much of early oldies and doo-wop. It was a song made to be heard at sock hops and soda parlors on summer nights. The same applies to “Doo wah diddy” and teenage trifles like “Thong Song.” They’re not trying to say anything deep with their lyrics, so the joke’s not on them.

    Barenaked Ladies is the whitest band ever. Natalie … I’m shocked, to say the least. I have a long story to share about Barenaked Ladies if anyone’s interested … if it gets the post to #1, maybe I’ll contribute it to get more comments going.

    That is all.

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    What exactly is the social commentary of “One Week”? Please enlighten me and elaborate.

    Thank you.

  • http://w6daily.winn.com/ Phillip Winn

    If I recall correctly (probably not, haven’t heard the song in a while), it’s a wry commentary on the foolish self-righteous of most people in relationships. Though the singer clearly recognizes that there is no reason to carry on with the silly tiff that started a week earlier, he doesn’t intend to apologize and move one for another week.

    We would all be better off to avoid that scenario.

  • Mihos

    Diamonds and Pearls by Prince
    This will be the day
    That u will hear me say
    That I will never run away

    I am here for u
    Love is meant for two
    Now tell me what u’re gonna do

    If I gave u diamonds and pearls
    Would u be a happy boy or a girl
    If I could I would give u the world
    But all I can do is just offer u my love

    Which one of us is right
    If we always fight
    Why can’t we just let love decide (Let love decide)

    Am I the weaker man
    Because I understand
    That love must be the master plan (Love is the master plan)

    If I gave u diamonds and pearls
    Would u be a happy boy or a girl
    If I could I would give u the world
    But all I can do is just offer u my love

    D to the I to the A to the M
    O to the N to the D to the pearls of love
    D to the I to the A to the M (To the M)
    O to the N to the D to the pearls of love

    There will come a time (There will come a time)
    When love will blow your mind (Blow your mind)
    And everything U’ll look 4 U’ll find (Take a look inside)

    That will be the time (That will be the time)
    That everything will shine (Forever)
    So bright it makes u colorblind (U will be color blind)

    If I gave u diamonds and pearls
    Would u be a happy boy or a girl
    If I could I would give u the world
    All I can do is just offer u my love

    If I gave u diamonds and pearls (Pearls)
    Would u be a happy boy or a girl (Yeah yeah)
    If I could I would give u the world (Give u the world)
    All I can do is just offer u my love (All I can do)

    If I gave u diamonds and pearls (Diamonds)
    Would u be, would u, would u
    (Would ya, would ya, would ya be happy little baby)
    A happy boy or a girl
    If I could I would give u the world

    Artist: Michael Jackson
    Album: Blood On The Dance Floor / History In The Mix

    Composed by Michael Jackson and Bryan Loren

    A shoo-heh
    Oooh
    Hee hee
    A shoo
    A shoo-heh
    Woh
    A shoo-heh
    Woh
    Hee

    Love ain’t what it used to be
    That is what they’re tellin’ me
    Push it in stick it out
    That ain’t what it’s all about

    He wanna do somethin’ freaky to you
    He wanna wrap his arms all around you girl
    He wanna shake it up, shake it down
    Doin’ it right
    He wanna jump back, half flap, doin’ it right

    He wanna lay you down
    Turn it up
    Kickin’ it loose
    He wanna fly high, nigh high
    Baby for you’s

    He wanna motormouth
    Float around
    Baby the back
    He wanna shake it up, shake it down
    Moving rou-ha-hound

    Love ain’t what it used to be
    (hee)
    That is what they’re tellin’ me
    Push it in stick it out
    That ain’t what it’s all about
    (woh)

    Susie like to agitate
    Get the boy and make him wait
    Mother’s preaching Abraham
    Brothers they don’t give a damn

    He wanna do something freaky to you
    He wanna wrap his arms all around you girl
    He wanna do it up, make it hot
    Deep in the night
    He wanna eye ball
    Get all
    Playin’ it right

    He wanna turn the key
    Work the sheets
    Groove to the left
    He wanna hot stuff
    Hot love
    Making it wet

    He wanna give hot, jump shot
    Groove to the left
    He wanna time bump
    Slam dunk, hump, hump, hump

    Hoo
    Hee (Keep it goin’)
    Party down
    Hoo
    Hoo

    Love ain’t what it used to be
    (hoo)
    That is what they’re tellin’ me
    Push it in stick it out
    That ain’t what it’s all about

    Sister say she love him some
    (She’s doin’ it, she’s doin’ it)
    Got his jimmy on the run
    (hoo hoo)
    Mother’s preaching Abraham
    (hoo)
    Brothers they don’t give a damn
    (oh)

    (What)(ho)

    Johnny’s begging pretty please
    Keep the brother on his knees(Keep the brother on his knees)
    (hee hee)
    Susie likes to agitate
    (She’s doin’ it, she’s doin’ it)
    Get the boy and make him wait
    (uh)

    Sister’s married to her hood
    Sayin’ that she got it good
    Holy Mary Mercy me
    (hee)
    Can’t believe the things I see

    Thinkin’ that they got it great
    (hoo)
    They doin’ what they used to hate
    (uh)
    Push it in stick it out
    (She doin’ it)
    (She doin’ it)
    That ain’t what it’s all about
    That ain’t what it’s all about

    Holy Mary Mercy me
    (She’s holy moly moly Mary)
    Can’t believe the things I see
    (Little things I see)
    (hee hee)
    Mother’s preaching Abraham
    (She’s preachin‘ Abraham now)
    Brothers they don’t give a damn(hoo)
    (hoo hoo)(Holy Mary moly Mary)

    Sister say she loves him some
    (She love him some)
    (hee)
    Got his jimmy on the run
    (His jimmy)
    (hee hee)
    Holy Mary Mercy me
    (She’s holy, she’s moly)(Holy Mary, moly Mary)
    Can’t believe the things I see
    (Keep on goin’)
    (hee)
    (hee)

    She’s doin’ it
    You’re dirty
    She’s doin’ it
    You’re dirty
    She’s nasty
    You’re nasty
    You’re doin’ it
    You’re dirty
    You’re dirty
    You’re doin’ it
    You’re nasty
    You’re doin’ it
    She’s dirty
    She’s dirty
    You really don’t want it
    Oooh
    Hoo
    Hoo
    (Go’on now)
    Hoo
    Hoo

    (Doh)
    Talk a little something’ then close your eyes
    I gotta make her, close the door
    (She’s doin‘ it)
    (She’s doin‘ it)
    (She’s oh)
    (She’s)
    (hoo)
    (Keep on goin’)
    (Party down)
    hoo

    Holy Mary mercy me
    (hoo)
    Can’t believe the things I see
    Push it in stick it out
    That ain’t what it’s all about

    and that veritable chestnut
    Victoria Beckham – Penis Lyrics
    Goddess on the mountain top
    Burning like a silver flame
    The summit of beauty and love
    And Penis was her name

    She’s got it
    Yeah, baby, she’s got it
    I’m your Penis, I’m your fire
    At your desire
    Well, I’m your Penis, I’m your fire
    At your desire

    Her weapons were her crystal eyes
    Making every man a man
    Black as the dark night she was
    Got what no-one else had
    Wa!

    She’s got it
    Yeah, baby, she’s got it
    I’m your Penis, I’m your fire
    At your desire
    Well, I’m your Penis, I’m your fire
    At your desire

    Goddess on the mountain top
    Burning like a silver flame
    The summit of beauty and love
    And Penis was her name

    She’s got it
    Yeah, baby, she’s got it
    I’m your Penis, I’m your fire
    At your desire
    Well, I’m your Penis, I’m your fire
    At your desire

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    Yeah, Phillip, I like you, but that’s not a social commentary.

    The song’s just a bunch of random, Dennis Miller-like geek chic pop culture references that mean nothing. Just like their other hit song that referred to Brian Wilson without saying anything, I think they were all about being snarky white boys who thought they were a lot more clever than they were. I learn nothing about society, music or relationships from that awful band.

    Good God, I’ve wasted a whole afternoon already. I should be fired. Enough from me, although I see I’m back in the top commenters for the day :) How do you folks do it? It’s hard work.

    That is all.

  • http://www.temptationwaits.com visualsimplicity

    That sounds about right Phillip, but I don’t really know exactly what they’re trying to say because I, frankly, can’t stand the song. Victor Plenty seems to have it down though.

    And Bob A. Booey, what is your story on Barenaked Ladies? If it makes them out to be fools, I’m all for reading it.

  • http://www.scopecreep.com/Rhapsody Pantagruel

    You gotta syphon the spinach, you gotta cream the corn
    Sperm scrambles the eggs and a meal is born
    Cookin’ like a beginner, but I’m goin’ up in her
    I had Fritos for lunch I’m havin’ bush for dinner
    Chef Boyardee and the Three Muskateers
    Shove Charleston Chews in their rears like queers
    “Holy moly, guacamole!” said my Chips Ahoy
    I’m gonna pinch a ravioli on the Pillsbury dough…Tall man

    Knick knack paddywhack and give your dog a boner, baby

    We came to pottie…we came to pottie down your throat

    –Mr. Bungle

  • Eric Olsen

    if Mihos can change Venus to Penis, I can change the opening of “New York New York” to “Start spreading your legs …”

  • Beth

    I realize these are obvious considering the bands they come form, but nonetheless I thought I’d share.

    From “Getting away with Murder” by Papa Roach:

    I drink my drink and I don’t even want to
    I think my thoughts when
    I don’t even need to
    I never look back ’cause I don’t even want to
    And I don’t need to
    Because I’m getting away with murder

    Very sad.

    and “Pieces” by Sum 41:

    If you believe it’s in my soul
    I’d say all the words that I know
    Just to see if it would show
    That I’m trying to let you know
    That I’m better off on my own

    I dare you to comprehend those lyrics!

    Whoever mentioned Sk8er Boi was so right, that song is painful.

  • http://www.temptationwaits.com visualsimplicity

    Oh and I realize that I shouldn’t expect much from Good Charlotte (you can lump them in with Papa Roach and Sum 41), but it’s the fact that they are clearly trying to be witty but aren’t, and that bugs me.

  • dan

    Apparently, none of you have ever read the lyrics of Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers….
    Me oh my oh
    Me and Guy O
    Freer than a bird
    Cause we’re rocking Ohio

    The best shit is, he explains his motivations for writing shitty lyrics in his book, Scar Tissue. It’s a study in flawed lyricism. Recommended.

  • Phil

    It’s already been noted that Bruce Johnston and not Barry Manilow wrote “I Write the Songs”; more noteworthy is that he wrote it specifically as a tribute to Brian Wilson, so even given its banality, I’m willing to cut it a little slack.

  • http://bambamentries.blogspot.com bam

    How about the lyrics to “Phoebe Cates” by Fenix TX? It’s pretty horrible!

    Don’t wanna hang around anyone today
    I’m sick of playing the same old games
    Cause I know I can’t win them anyway
    And I will dream a different lie
    Stuck in between her thighs and wonder just when I will meet her
    All I really need is someone like Phoebe
    Someone to excite my fantasy
    And every night I’ll dream that she is here with me
    And i will be the only one for her
    And I’m wasting time going blind thinking she’ll be mine tonight
    Wasting time going blind thinking she’ll be mine
    I’ve been in love since the day I saw fast times
    It’s on a permanent rewind and can you guess my favorite part
    I used to like tossing off to her pool scene
    Now I’m kissing TV screens
    She’s the only star who’s touched my heart on
    All i really need is someone like Phoebe
    Someone to excite my fantasy and every night I’ll dream that she is here with me
    And i will be the only one for her
    And I’m looking for a fast time
    Watching out for bright lights
    Send me off to private school
    When I’m with you it’s paradise
    Looking for a fast time
    Watching out for bright lights
    Send me off to private school
    When I’m with you it’s paradise
    When I’m with you it’s paradise
    When I’m with you it’s paradise
    When I’m with you it’s paradise
    All I really need is someone like Phoebe
    Someone to excite my fantasy and every night I’ll dream that she is here with me
    And I will be the only one for her
    And I’m wasting time going blind thinking she’ll be mine tonight
    Wasting time going blind thinking she’ll be mine tonight
    Wasting time going blind thinking she’ll be mine tonight
    Wasting time going blind thinking she’ll be mine tonight
    Wasting time going blind thinking she’ll be mine tonight
    Wasting time going blind thinking she’ll be mine tonight

  • Duane

    Has anyone besides me noticed that Alanis Morrisette’s “Ironic” is full of examples that are not ironic? Think about it.

    And about Sammy Hagar’s song “I Can’t Drive 55″? Haha. What a dope. The speed limit is 65 on the freeways and 70 on the interstate. What awful lyrics. What a dunce.

  • http://www.thymewarp.com kira

    Re: 47

    I make no claims about ‘Tubthumping’ as a quality song lyric-wise, but you can’t knock on the chorus just because you aren’t familiar with British slang. ‘Pissing the night away’ refers to drinking all night long, which makes perfect sense when coupled with, the lines about drinking whiskey, cider, vodka, and lager.

  • Nick

    Hip Hop Marmalade spic and span,
    Met you one summer and it all began
    Your the best girl that I ever did see,
    The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
    When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
    Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
    Call me Willy Whistle cause I can’t speak baby
    Sumthin in your eyes went and drove me crazy
    Now I can’t forget you and it makes me mad,
    Left one day and never came back
    Stayed all summer then went back home,
    Macauly Culkin wasn’t Home Alone
    Fell deep in love,but now we ain’t speakin
    Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton
    When I met you I said my name was Rich
    You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

    – Summer Girls by LFO

  • Duane

    Zager and Evans:

    “In the year fortyfive fortyfive
    you ain’t gonna need your teeth
    won’t need your eyes
    you won’t find a thing to chew
    nobody’s gonna look at you.”

    Hehe.

    Men Without Hats:

    “I say, we can dance, we can dance
    Everything out of control
    We can dance, we can dance
    We’re doing it from wall to wall
    We can dance, we can dance
    Everybody look at your hands
    We can dance, we can dance
    Everybody takin’ the cha-a-a-ance

    Safety dance
    Is it safe to dance
    Is it safe to dance”

    We should look at our hands?

    BTO:

    “If it were easy as fishin’
    You could be a musician
    If you could make sounds loud or mellow
    Get a second-hand guitar
    Chances are you’ll go far
    If you get in with the right bunch of fellows”

    Not really fair. The song sucks eggs in every possible way. The lyrics just make it worse. Using the word “fellows” in a “rock” tune is just too funny.

    Alanis is a genius compared to 90% of the crap out there.

  • http://www.tobymelt.blogspot.com/ toby

    ANY lyric by solo Sammy Hagar is cringe-worthy. They are all so moronic that it leads me to believe he does it on purpose to appease his core audience, because no one is truly that stupid, right?
    But Loverboy….oh, how I loathe them! Their penultimate putrid moment was the song – and video – “Lovin’ Every Minute Of It:
    I’m not man or machine
    I’m just something in between
    I’m all love, a dynamo
    So push the button and let me go

    You want me to come alive
    Just flick the switch into overdrive
    You and me can let it be
    Ready-Aim-Fire

    All of this sung in the manly register of a yelping French poodle.

  • http://www.temptationwaits.com visualsimplicity

    Ahahaha. I completely forgot about that stupid song, “Summer Girls”. Good call on that one Nick.

  • yeahright?

    i cant believe nobody has mention anything from eminem. theres a whole list just coming from him. i still dont understand why people take him as a serious rapper.

  • randi

    ok i am frine with those lyrics u try writing a fricken song and u see how hard it is i havent looked at all of them but i was listening to the radio today and i heard fix it by coldplay i really like that song and i kno a lot of people do also so if u think u can do better be my guest but i guarentee u, u will suck commpared to them

  • dancer

    Hip Hop Marmalade spic and span,
    Met you one summer and it all began
    Your the best girl that I ever did see,
    The great Larry Bird Jersey 33
    When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
    Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
    Call me Willy Whistle cause I can’t speak baby
    Sumthin in your eyes went and drove me crazy
    Now I can’t forget you and it makes me mad,
    Left one day and never came back
    Stayed all summer then went back home,
    Macauly Culkin wasn’t Home Alone
    Fell deep in love,but now we ain’t speakin
    Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton
    When I met you I said my name was Rich
    You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

    – Summer Girls by LFO

    i love that song and your a boy so u wouldnt understand girl songs its not FOR YOU so dont say anything bout it

  • http://www.andrewiandodge.com Andrew Ian Dodge

    Duane the speed limit was 55 when the song was written. It really does not work as a song that well but as a video its great.

  • http://bloggedyblog.blogspot.com/ Andrew Careaga

    I posted a few you missed, such as:

    “De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da,” by the Police; “My Sharona,” by the Knack; and a few other choice morsels. Stop by and say hello.

  • http://www.auntbeep.blogspot.com Aunt Beep

    Can’t remember who sings the song. But it is the worst song on earth to me:

    “wanna put my tender heart
    in a blender
    wanna settle down to a beautiful oblivian”

    terrible.

  • Mihos

    WHo could forget
    Dont Get Stopped in BEverly Hills?
    Song: Don’t Get Stopped In Beverly Hills ~~ 1984 ~~ 4:24
    Artist: Shalamar
    LP/CD: Heart Break ~~ Solar ~~ 1984
    Writers: Hawk~Howard Hewett~Micki Free

    Don’t get stopped in Beverly Hills
    You better walk soft in Beverly Hills
    Don’t get wild in Beverly Hills
    You gotta have style in Beverly Hills

    You look around thinkin’ your number’s up
    You see the lights flash in your eyes
    It’s goin’ down louder than thunder
    You’re shakin’ hard, thinkin’ those lies

    There’s no escape once they get to you
    There’s no excuse, they’re gonna buy
    They’re comin’ down, boy, let me warn you
    They know it all, so don’t even try

    (Don’t get stopped) Don’t get stopped (Hey) in Beverly Hills
    (Walk soft) You better walk soft (Uh) in Beverly Hills
    (Don’t get wild) Don’t get wild (Hey) in Beverly Hills
    (Have style) You gotta have style in Beverly Hills

    They do it right, everything’s by the book
    There ain’t no slack when they’re around
    You better not give them no reason
    You better stop, don’t make a sound

    You see them out cruisin’ your neighborhood
    It’s always cool when they’re around
    When something’s up, you better dial that number
    ‘Cause they’re the best, the best in this town

    (Don’t get stopped) Don’t get stopped (Hey) in Beverly Hills
    (Oh, walk soft) You better walk soft (Uh) in Beverly Hills
    (Don’t get wild) Don’t get wild (Hey) in Beverly Hills
    (Oh, gotta have style) You gotta have style (Oh) in Beverly Hills

    (Don’t get stopped) Don’t get stopped (Ah) in Beverly Hills
    (Walk soft) You better walk soft (Hey) in Beverly Hills
    (Don’t get wild) Don’t get wild in Beverly Hills
    (Have style) You gotta have style in Beverly Hills (Oh…oh…oh…)

    Oh, get down
    Oh…
    Oh, ooh, ooh…

    (Don’t get stopped) Don’t get stopped (Hey) in Beverly Hills
    (Oh, walk soft) You better walk soft (Yeah) in Beverly Hills
    (Oh, get wild) Don’t get wild (Oh) in Beverly Hills
    (Have style) You gotta have style (Uh) in Beverly Hills

    (Don’t get stopped) Don’t get stopped (Hey) in Beverly Hills
    (Yeah, ha) You better walk soft (Uh) in Beverly Hills
    (Don’t you get wild) Don’t get wild (Ah…) in Beverly Hills
    (Eah…) You gotta have style (Ooh, ooh, ooh) in Beverly Hills

    (Don’t get stopped) Don’t get stopped (Oh) in Beverly Hills
    (Walk soft) You better walk soft (Hey) in Beverly Hills
    (Ooh…ooh…) Don’t get wild (Oh…) in Beverly Hills
    (Oh, baby) You gotta have style (Have style) in Beverly Hills

    (Don’t get stopped) Don’t get stopped (Oh) in Beverly Hills
    (Yeah, ha) You better walk soft (Uh) in Beverly Hills
    (Get wild) Don’t get wild (Ooh…ooh…ooh…) in Beverly Hills
    You gotta have style in Beverly Hills

  • Charles Francis

    One song whose lyrics have always made me sick is “They All Laughed” by the Gershwins. The Tin Pan Alley era lyricists all had to write those idiotic, formulaic songs on command that always had some gay little cleverness to them. I’m totally down with the Great American Songbook, so to speak, but just looking at the title of such a retarded song just gives you the clue that, “oh, gee, I wonder if maybe everyone laughed when the chick/dude went for the person of the opposite gender, but then he gets the girl in the end! Whoa! Too original an idea! Information overload!”

    Man, it’s like when I sit and listen to Nat King Cole songs I’m not familiar with and can guess, verbatim, 50% of the lines that follow by virtue of the word he’s gotta rhyme something with. I sometimes have trouble imagining that these are songs written by professionals for professional singers.

  • James McOmber

    I posted the previous comment under a different name, har har

    These rhymes automatically turn me off to any song, exceptions made in only rare and subjective circumstances:

    love/above
    funny/money
    drink/think
    stupid/cupid
    hear/ear
    song/wrong/along
    life/strife
    (to)night/right/fight
    down/ground
    alone/phone
    seven/heaven
    know (it)/show (it)
    lonely/only
    girl/world
    hold () hand/understand

  • Duane

    James, what other words rhyme with “heaven”? There’s no good reason to have the word “seven” at the end of a phrase in a lyric, though, except to rhyme it with heaven.

    I was just messin’ around, Andrew (#84).

  • Eric Olsen

    leaven

  • Duane

    on a jet plane?

  • http://jessicasuniverse.blogspot.com jessica

    i’m a little late on this one, but i have to throw in the song lyric that makes me cringe: particle man, particle man …

    and what’s up with ssssudio?

  • Davetta

    I can’t believe no one has mentioned “The Reflex” by Duran Duran:

    You’ve gone too far this time
    but I’m dancing on the valentine
    I tell you somebody’s fooling around
    with my chances on the dangerline

    I’ll cross that bridge when I find it
    another day to make my stand oh-woah
    High time is no time for deciding
    If I should find a helping hand oh-whoa

    Why don’t you use it
    try not to bruise it
    buy time don’t lose it

    Why don’t you use it
    try not to bruise it
    buy time don’t lose it

    The reflex is a lonely child
    just waiting by the park
    The reflex is in charge of finding
    a treasure in the dark

    And watching over lucky clover
    isn’t that bizarre
    Every little thing the reflex does
    leaves you answered with a question mark

    I’m on a ride and I wanna get off
    but they won’t slow down the roundabout
    I sold the Renoir and the TV set don’t wanna be around when this gets out

    So why don’t you use it
    try not to bruise it
    buy time don’t lose it

    Why don’t you use it
    try not to bruise it
    buy time don’t lose it

    The reflex is a lonely child
    he’s waiting in the park
    The reflex is in charge of finding
    a treasure in the dark
    And watching over lucky clover
    isn’t that bizarre
    Every little thing the reflex does
    leaves you answered with a question mark

    So why don’t you use it
    try not to bruise it
    buy time don’t lose it

    etc…

    Can somebody please tell me wtf this idiot is going on about???

  • deebee

    Lenny Kravitz’s “I Build The Garden For Us”

    “In this garden
    They’ll be no war
    No racial prejudice
    You’ll be my brother
    Of any color
    You’ll just be okay with us
    We’ll live each day in peace
    In hope that we will one day reach
    The rest of the world
    When they are ready to be teached”

    Teached? TEACHED?!!?

    I understand artistic license when it comes to matters of grammar. However, there are limits and “teached” is beyond those limits.

  • Taloran

    Reading about My Sharona brought to mind another piece of pop dreck from the same period – they may even have been on the charts simultaneously. How ’bout Escape (The Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes?

    Ol’ Rupert is searching the classifieds for a soul mate, looking for someone who likes pina coladas and walks in the rain. (as far as I can remember – I’ve tried to put it out of mind for many years.) Godawful drivel at its worst.

    Another wonderful one from the same time period is Undercover Angel by Alan O’Day (?). An homage to wanking.

  • http://stolenpony.blogspot.com Jones Violet

    I’ve been thinking about this:

    Will Smith’s Miami..

    so we sip a liitle something, leave the rest to spill.
    me and charlie at the bar running up a high bill
    nuttin’ less than ill when we dress to kill,
    and every time the ladies pass they be like “Hi Will”

    or Get Jiggy With It, or whatever the heck it’s called.

  • James McOmber

    Andrew: I’ve actually seen “Heaven” rhymed with “forgiven”, which is not an exact rhyme, but it works very well.

    One might also write a song about, say, one’s new motorcycle – and dedicate it to one’s girlfriend – and have it go as follows:

    “Baby, I’m in Heaven
    When my engine I am revvin’
    Now it’s half past eleven
    I’m out, love Kevin”

  • James McOmber

    sorry, dude, I misunderstood and thought it was Andrew who wrote me back. Duane, it may be one of the only decent rhymes for “Heaven” but that does not mean it isn’t obnoxious and hackneyed.

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    Very funny stuff, particularly the Lenny Kravitz and Will Smith lyrics.

    I totally agree on the 50 Cent “Candy Shop” lyrics — anyone got any other funny rap lyrics?

    Keep em coming, freaks.

    Here’s my nomination, “Freshmen” by long-forgotten poseurs Verve Pipe, an ironic song title since the song evokes really bad freshman poetry:

    “when i was young i knew everything
    and she a punk who rarely ever took advice
    now i’m guilt stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor
    stop a baby’s breath and a shoe full of rice

    i can’t be held responsible
    cause she was touching her face
    I won’t be held responsible
    she fell in love in the first place

    for the life of me i cannot remember
    what made us think that we were wise and we’d never compromise
    for the life of me i cannot believe
    we’d ever die for these sins
    we were merely freshmen

    my best friend took a week’s vacation to forget her
    his girl took a week’s worth valium and slept
    now he’s guilt stricken sobbing with his head on the floor
    thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says

    i can’t be held responsible
    cause she was touching her face
    I won’t be held responsible
    she fell in love in the first place

    for the life of me i cannot remember
    what made us think that we were wise and we’d never compromise
    for the life of me i cannot believe
    we’d ever die for these sins
    we were merely freshmen

    we’ve tried to wash our hands of all of this
    we never talk of our lacking relationships
    and how we’re guilt stricken sobbing with our heads on the floor
    we fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we’d say

    i can’t be held responsible
    cause she was touching her face
    I won’t be held responsible
    she fell in love in the first place

    for the life of me i cannot remember
    what made us think that we were wise and we’d never compromise
    for the life of me i cannot believe
    we’d ever die for these sins
    we were merely freshmen
    we were merely freshmen
    we were only freshmen”

    That is all.

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    I totally disagree with Safety Dance, by the way. Whoever wrote that does not fully appreciate the gestalt of Men Without Hats. Similarly, I think you’re being too serious if you can’t see the tongue-in-cheek value of the Spice Girls, Thong Song, and Wang Chung. Vanilla Ice was a lyrical genius and every boy who grew up around that era knows every word to that song. Just like only a film that aims to be serious and artistically meaningful can be the most horrible movie of all time, only lyrics that are meant to be taken seriously can be truly horrid. That automatically disqualifies most bubblegum pop, other than the ballads. Good-time party songs definitely don’t count among the worst lyrics of all time.

    “Unskinny bop” was a funny one, Natalie, but I think it was mean to be stupid and nonsensical.

    Olsen: was the wedding friend ugly? That’s a funny story. Now that’s a song with great, profound lyrics.

    Barenaked Ladies story on the way, maybe.

    That is all.

  • KYS

    How about The Divinyls:

    “I don´t want anybody else
    When I think about you I touch myself”

    Is that necessary?

  • http://blogcritics.org/author.php?author=Cerulean Cerulean

    I like the lyrics of the first three songs picked. “Your Body is a Wonderland” by John Mayer is affirming and welcome. Barry Manilow, well, that’s a given. “The Burrito” and the Gun’s N Roses song are pretty bad. “Muskrat Love,” I agree. There’s a lot of songs written about love and sex but they seem to be even more prominent on this list than they are in life.

    What’s with all Alanis Morisette bashing? As if I didn’t know. “You Oughta Know” was brilliant for the lyrics. She’s a genius.

    I like the lyrics of “Sugar Shack” They are playful and retro.

    I don’t know what to think of Eric Olsen’s female friends choice of a wedding song except to wonder what it means to her and why she likes that. I know the song’s lyrics, if it is the same one. If it’s cause she thinks she and/or her spouse is ugly then she is remarkable tolerant and bold.

    I like the Ramones but some of their lyrics could have made the list. As someone said, it’s stupid songs from the fifties that would have topped my list, or novelty songs, or songs written on acid in the seventies. The person who wrote this thread knows how to stir up this community, however.

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    “Affirming and welcome,” Cerulean?

    You’re quite a comedian or quite naive. I’m sick of writing about John Mayer, but I’ll just say that you’re being manipulated to buy records by a goofy, dorky, cynical sociopath who writes BS lyrics to get women who are in desperate need of “affirmation and welcoming” into his soft, gooey web of artistic mediocrity and safe, soul-numbing consumerism.

    Cerulean — you’re totally missing the point of the Ramones if you would put them on this list. They were playing characters, pretending to be mook street tough brothers from Queens who were like a musical gang that wasn’t quite right in the head. Hence all the references to lobotomies, medication, psychiatric treatment, shock treatment, idiots, retards, circus freaks, etc., in the lyrics.

    You really think Alanis is a lyrical genius? The only reason anyone remembers that horrible song is the following pandering lyrics written about Dave Coulier’s Bullwinkle moose voice:

    “An older version of me
    Is she perverted like me
    Would she go down on you in a theatre
    Does she speak eloquently
    And would she have your baby
    I’m sure she’d make a really excellent mother

    […]

    You seem very well, things look peaceful
    I’m not quite as well, I thought you should know
    Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
    I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
    It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
    Are you thinking of me when you fuck her

    […]

    Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
    And I’m not gonna fade”

    I think “joke that you laid on the bed that was me” about sums it all up for Alanis as an artist and lyricist.

    I do still love the song “Thank You,” however, and I marvel that it came out of her fuzzy faux-hippie head.

    That Divinyls song is great and the lyrics are great. Whatcha talkin about, KYS?

    That is all.

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    Interesting claim of psychic powers there, Mr. Booey.

    Or is there some documented evidence you can cite to prove your accusations against John Mayer? Disliking his music is a matter of taste; labeling him a “sociopath” is not really justifiable without some strong evidence.

    So far all you’ve done is claim to know his motives without giving anyone the slightest reason to think you remotely know what you’re talking about.

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    Ever heard him interviewed, Victor?

    He goes on TV talk shows and talks about how he doesn’t take dating seriously and doesn’t believe in intimate relationships with serious girlfriends. He goes as far as to portray himself as a wannabe player who has fun with girls based on his rock star status and doesn’t have a care for how they feel about it. Apparently, he had a short-lived reality documentary on either MTV or VH1 that followed him around and he said many of the same jerky things. This is a spoiled little whitebread brat who manipulates women who don’t know better into buying records based on sappy, manipulative, calculated lyrics like “Daughters” while talking about how he treats women poorly in his personal life the next second.

    That sounds borderline sociopathic to me. Or at minimum, he’s a very good con-man.

    Had enough yet? No? I’ll go as far as to quote myself, from this site, on John Mayer (6/25/04):

    “John Mayer is a soulless, wimpy hack. He reaches for the cheapest sentiment possible with his childish yuppie-in-training lullabies — “I wanna run through the halls of my old high school” — and his Dave Matthews Light vocal affectations and facial expressions are annoying. Yeah, we get the point, John. You’re singing about very personal thing because your face is all scrunched up.

    The sensitive mama’s boy sex appeal is BS too. The man isn’t attractive. He’s a big goofy dork and the only reason women enjoy his music is because they perceive it to be non-threatening eunuch background music, the soundtrack to their empty, unfulfilling, paint-by-numbers lives. John Mayer is “the guy friend” who never asks you out and welcomes being emasculated writ large.

    The problem is that I think a lot of his songs are creepy, particularly the ones that are innuendo like “Your Body is a Wonderland.” That may well be the creepiest song I’ve ever heard. It’s the ultimate stalker anthem, replete with the breathy, childish lyrics and obsessive tone. I can’t believe lamoids actually find this song romantic and make it “their song” with their equally ugly, dorky boyfriends.

    Another problem with John Mayer is that he’s clearly influenced by previous wimpy suburban songwriters like Ben Folds and Dave Matthews but without Ben’s irony and scrubbed clean of the hippie stink and ADD-challenging pseudo-world music jams (and threatening multi-racial tokenism) associated with Dave Matthews. John Mayer writes the anthems for the narc generation, songs to plan your future responsibly to, song that quite intentionally exclude or offend no one and challenge no thing. John Mayer represents the epitome of rock’s increasing blandness and asexuality. He welcomes being feminized and welcomes a sensitive world where passion is muted and quiet, insecure meekness is rewarded. What makes it worse is that it’s all calculated, as you others have already pointed out. John Mayer’s targeted directly for the middle, for people without identity or convictions, people who literally reject art and taste in favor of “fitting in” and being super super white. John Mayer is the childish comfort of lullabies for underdeveloped adults who miss their cribs and value safety, security, and conformity above all else.

    No offense to any of you who have posted, but I noticed you’re all soccer moms. Do you like ironing and doing the dishes with a lil John Mayer in the background? Do you rock out and give those expanding hips a lil wiggle as you rock the Palmolive? When you heard him on your alarm clocks, you unknowingly fell back asleep and still haven’t woken from your consumerist, anti-intellectual, Pleasantville slumber. Lyrical genius? Please.

    Any guy who likes John Mayer is questionable. John Mayer represents the death of rock, moreso than even Dave or the various other hideous bands that have emerged in that genre.”

    That is all.

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    I find it hilarious to see you, of all people, complain about someone being insensitive to women’s feelings.

  • nugget

    I’m staying up late at night and what am I reading???

    Grown men. Yes, all growned up with jobz n stuff. Talkin about JOHN FRIGGIN MAYER.

    I listened to a BACH CANTATA today. NUMBER 113. do you idiot tumbleweeds know how many cantatas bach wrote??? over 500! Do you know how wonderfully creative and emotional they are? Do you understand how complicated and intricate and …..shit, I’ll give up.

    Rock n roll!!!

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    Cool, nugget! Where can a fella download some Bachness?

  • nugget

    nah. I’m a stickler for buying albumns for no other reason than to have them. Go buy the Brandenburg Concertos and listen to them for about a month. You’ll see.

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    Actually I prefer the Toccata and Fugue in D Minor. Call me crazy.

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    Victor, don’t claim a high-brow classical music thing now. Not after you stuck up for John Mayer.

    See, the difference between me and John besides millions of dollars (his, not mine) and good looks (mine, not his), is that I ADMIT I’m an asshole and insensitive toward women. John’s goofing on you with the “sensitive guy” schtick and the joke’s on all of you who buy his records. At least I’m honest.

    Nugget: don’t you see John Mayer is the anti-Christ? The death of all music? He’s the anti-Bach.

    That is all.

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    Oh, and despite my crude sense of humor and tactless language choices sometimes, I treat the women in my personal life with respect and love.

    There, I said it. The softer side of BABsie.

    That is all.

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    A quick amendment …

    “I treat the women in my personal life with respect and love….”

    That should be followed by:

    “… if they’re hot.”

    There, that’s better. The world is right.

    That is all.

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    I said I like Bach. Never said I liked Mayer, only that you hadn’t given any justification for calling him a sociopath. You still haven’t, by the way.

  • nugget

    BB;

    what you need to do is ignore John Mayer. you dig? john mayer is only the anti-christ of music if you give him that power. You have the freedom to listen to any type of music for the rest of your life. When I was in middle school MC Hammer was huge. I was never influenced by MC Hammer, just like millions of youth (girls) will grow out of John Mayer.

  • nugget

    oh bother. NOw look at me. a grown-ass man talking about john mayer. the ironiccallicly.

  • nugget

    I take that back. (about MC Hammer)

    I wore hammer pants once and also performed the esteemed hammer dance at a party. It was a hit. Besides that, I’m pretty good at avoiding popular culture and even stupid lists like Robert Burke’s top 10 whatevers on blogcritics.

  • http://gratefuldread.net Natalie Davis

    Obviously, not good enough, Mr. Nugget. ;)

    By the way, liking Bach and John Mayer (for his guitar work, this non-soccer mom must add) are not mutually exclusive. What do you think of Mahler?

    And did I see someone diss the Gershwins???? “They All Laughed” is FABulous and Ira’s lyrics are brilliantly witty.

    To those unfamiliar, dig:

    The odds were 100 to one against me.
    The world thought the heights were too high to climb.
    But people from Missouri never incensed me.
    Oh, I wasn’t a bit concerned,
    For from history I had learned
    How many, many times the worm had turned.

    They all laughed at Christopher Columbus
    When he said the world was round.
    They all laughed when Edison recorded sound.
    They all laughed at Wilbur and his brother
    When they said that man could fly.
    They told Marconi
    Wireless was a phony.
    It’s the same old cry.
    They laughed at me wanting you,
    Said I was reaching for the moon.
    But oh, you came through.
    Now they’ll have to change their tune.

    They all said we never could be happy.
    They laughed at us and how!
    But ho, ho, ho!
    Who’s got the last laugh now?

    What the hell is wrong with that?

    The lyrics, penned for the 1937 Astaire/Rogers musical Shall We Dance, tell a story of love triumphant using pieces of history. You may find the song formulaic and predictable from your 21st century perch, but perhaps you might have thought differently 70 years ago when the world was perhaps a little less jaded. It’s interesting to note that while these days are much more cynical, you will still find many ambulating about who find the rhyme scheme impeccable, the melody appropriately jaunty, and the lyrical constructions sound, precise, and nimble. And, yes, clever.

    You know the song, Mr. Francis: Please recall that George wrote melodies first; Ira’s lyrics came afterward. In the case of “They All Laughed,” George wrote a phrase of ten notes followed by seven more. Then the phrase repeated with a difference — the ten-note run was followed by one note instead of seven. It took great skill to tell a story and evoke a mood so successfully while making the words mesh seamlessly with his brother’s fascinating rhythm.

    Whatever — Ira Gerhswin’s lyric certainly beats some imbecile using “swimming on a sea of blankets” as a metaphor for getting nookie.

    Mr. Francis thinks Ira Gershwin’s lyrics are among the worst ever. Wow. Takes all kinds, I guess. But millions will tell ya: Ira and George Gershwin were geniuses who helped make the Great American Songbook so irresistibly great. My love for the song — and for the Gershwins’ accumulated output — will never die. You can’t take that away from me.

  • http://www.musicradish.com Robert

    QUOTE: “I wore hammer pants once and also performed the esteemed hammer dance at a party. It was a hit. Besides that, I’m pretty good at avoiding popular culture and even stupid lists like Robert Burke’s top 10 whatevers on blogcritics”

    I’ll stick with the stupid lists and you can keep on with your Hammer pants.
    Sound like a good deal?

  • http://gratefuldread.net Natalie Davis

    Hamnmer dance? Esteemed? Lends new meaning to “I’m dope on the floor.”

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    MC Hammer was way better than John Mayer, who’s whiter than anyone this side of Barenaked Ladies. I loved those parachute pants.

    I even thought it was amusing when Hammer tried to turn gangsta after Dre and Snoop changed the whole rap game. And I loved that video for “2 Legit” with all the jocks doing the 2L2– hand motions. That was tight.

    Even Natalie Davis thought Hammer was cool at one point.

    You got 2 Pray just to make it today ….

    That is all.

  • nugget

    “I’ll stick with the stupid lists and you can keep on with your Hammer pants.
    Sound like a good deal?”

    what? Perhaps you should factor in the correlation that exists between age and taste. You see, I only wear Hammer pants at the Vortex club in Atlanta now, because of course they glow in the dark. Glow sticks are so 3 years ago, and X is losing its weight in rave clubs.

    I’m sure Natalie was into Hammer. Robert is still into hammer’s evangelical sham and stupid top ten whatever lists.

  • Bruce Johnston

    Barry Manilow didn’t write that song…Bruce Johnston wrote it, and it’s about Brian Wilson, whom Bruce Johnston subbed for in the mid/late-sixties.

  • sharon

    “We built this city on rock and roll” is a pop song! Possibly the worst pop song in the history of music. “pina Colada” – I have never tried this drink in case it turns me in to a complete wanker that stands in the rain for a quickie from the prsonal ads.

  • kk

    I like the tune to this song but the lyrics are incredibly stupid:

    I think I’m turning Japaneese
    I think I’m turning Japaneese
    I really think so!
    *insert asian jingle*

    Besides, what is that song about?

  • KarmaSartre

    My Boy Lollipop
    Little Millie Small lyrics

    [Words and music are by Johnny Roberts and Morris Levy]

    My boy Lollipop, you made my heart go giddy up
    You are as sweet as candy, you’re my sugar dandy
    Ha, ho my boy Lollipop
    Never ever leave me
    Because it would grieve me
    My heart told me so
    I love ya, I love ya, I love ya so
    That I want ya to know
    I need ya, I need ya, I need ya so
    And I’ll never let you go
    My boy Lollipop
    You make my heart go giddy up
    You set my world on fire, you are my one desire
    My boy Lollipop, my boy Lollipop

  • http://gratefuldread.net Natalie Davis

    When did I ever say MC Hammer was cool? The “Pray” song sucked, save for the message.

  • http://gratefuldread.net Natalie Davis

    “Turning Japanese” was about masturbation. Terrible, offensive song.

  • http://freewayjam.blogspot.com uao

    I’m going to third the notion that “Turning Japanese” sucks, is offensive, and has crummy lyrics.

    Japan is something of an adopted country of mine; I lived there 8 years. As a white guy, I’m probably as acutely sensitve to Asian sterotypes as an Asian is; stuff other guys find funny about Asians always sounds ignorant to me.

    Considering Japan’s culture goes back 2000 years, during which they’ve been at least as advanced as us westerners, and China’s goes back at least 6000 years, and ditto…

    Us dopey American know-nothings ought to come up with more inventive things than cueing catchall “Chinese” jingles whenever we wish to invoke a Japanese or Asian.

    (personal to japanese)

    Nipponjin no minasan e:

    Sono “Taaningu Japaniisu” no uta wa Amerikajin mo daikirai desu. Nippon no rokku no ongaku wa otaku nara ga daisuki desu. Otaku de wa nai hito wa Nihon no ongaku ga amari shiranai desu kedo, don-don motto wakaru yoo ni narimasu, to omoimasu.

    Shouts out to Nippon.

  • L. Robinson

    Check out the following and judge for yourself: “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” Kenny Chesney

    Plowing these fields in the hot summer sun
    Over by the gate lordy here she comes
    With a basket full of chicken and a big cold jug of sweet tea
    I make a little room and she climbs on up
    Open up a throttle and stir a little dust
    Just look at her face she ain’t a foolin me

    She thinks my tractor’s sexy
    It really turns her on
    She’s always staring at me
    While I’m chuggin along
    She likes the way it’s pullin’ while we’re tillin’ up the land
    She’s even kind of crazy ’bout my farmer’s tan
    She’s the only one who really understands what gets me
    She thinks my tractor’s sexy

    We ride back and forth until we run out of light
    Take it to the barn put it up for the night
    Climb up in the loft sit and talk with the radio on
    She said she’s got a dream and I asked what it is
    She wants a little farm and a yard full of kids
    One more teeny weeny ride before take her home

    She thinks my tractor’s sexy
    It really turns her on
    She’s always staring at me
    While I’m chuggin along
    She likes the way it’s pullin’ while we’re tillin’ up the land
    She’s even kind of crazy ’bout my farmer’s tan
    She’s the only one who really understands what gets me
    She thinks my tractor’s sexy

    Well she ain’t into cars or pick up trucks
    But if it runs like a Deere man her eyes light up

  • Low

    The “Hollaback Girl” lyrics by Gwen Stefani are TERRIBLE! “Few times been around the track………” you are wack!

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    How could you not love “This sh– is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!”?

    “My Boy Lollipop” is meant to be bubblegum. It’s about bubblegum lollipops.

    “Turning Japanese” is a great song with some stupid lyrics.

    That is all.

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    Having heard only the radio edit of “Hollaback Girl” I feel terribly deprived. How can I evaluate the lyrical delivery when all I get to hear is the part about the bananas and not the part about whatever it is they’ve edited out?

    Sure, I could just download an unedited version, but my conscience won’t let me take the bread out of Gwen’s mouth like that. She looks too hungry already.

  • Audrey Tautou

    My favorite song lyrics are those of “That Is All. (remix)” by Bob A. Booey.

  • Charles Francis

    Dearest Natalie:

    I love the Gershwins’ songwriting. I also love Cole, Irving, and all the rest of the Brill Building-types. HOWEVER, I think anyone with a brain notices that, from time to time, those songs do get annoying formulaic and predictable. Being of this opinion does not mean that I am on a lower rung than such sophisticated songwriting epicures as yourself or anyone else who believes that the great ones of the Tin Pan Alley era CAN DO NO WRONG. I’ve always believed that total, undying devotion to and faith in any artist’s talent is foolish, no matter how “classic” or terrific he/she is.

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    Audrey, I like that one too.

    You should hear me DJ :) That one brings the house down.

    You’re not actually the actress from that French movie I forgot the name of, are you?

    That is all.

  • Audrey Tautou

    Amélie.

    Oh, Bob. Let’s get married.

    PS: This is the official sign that this thread has gone the way of the buffalo. We aren’t talking about the subject anymore.

  • http://groups.msn.com/EileendEsterno eileen

    i stumbled on this site by accident and haven’t laughed so much at a computer screen in i don’t know HOW long. aspiring to eventually write songs myself, i’m still in the mine your mind phase. but i can’t help but comment on the mc hammer pants. i studied a lot of african dance and drumming… with teachers from senegal, ghana, and the ivory coast… and started wearing em cos i didn’t want to wear a ‘wrap’ the way the women usually do. i just got tangled up too much. and the parachute pants are super comfortable despite the fact that you sort of look like an oversized toddler carrying a load. so poo poo on whoever makes fun of mc hammer pants because they are really not ‘his’.

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    Audrey,

    The subject sucks (well, at least it’s about sucky songs, which is a fun subject, I suppose). Besides, it’s better if the subject is about me. Everything’s better when it’s about me. That’s why I start almost every sentence with “I” — it makes my writing so much more interesting (to me, at least). Know what I mean, darlings?

    You’re not that Amelie chick, are you? I didn’t dig the hair cut, but she was alright :) If you are, you’ll have to read me your favorite bad song lyrics of all time with a straight serious face. No laughing or I’ll spank you :) I expect a perfectly serious line reading of John Mayer, with a slight French accent.

    You’re smart enough to know how to put an accent over the E. I’m such a computer primitive I don’t know how to do that. I’m jealous.

    I don’t believe in marriage, but that doesn’t keep the women of America from wishing.

    Have your people call mine, ladies.

    Eileen: Be honest. You were laughing only at what I said, right?

    That is all.

  • Audrey Tautou

    Bobbo, my keyboard was manufactured in France so that e with the accent over it is a regular key. It’s next to the plus sign.

    I’ll read you my favorite bad song lyrics with a Frogalicious accent, as you wished:

    Make zem say uhh
    Uhh
    Na-na na-na, na-na na-na
    Oui, we will make zem say UNH!

    That is all I know of.

    That is all.

  • Audrey Tautou

    Oh, and PS, my hair is EXTREMELY HOT and you can’t argue with that. I won’t allow contesting.

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty
  • Bob A. Booey

    Audrey,

    That was pretty funny, baby :) They have Master P in France? You missed out on the MTV video with all the rappers playing basketball in a slam dunk contest — it was ghetto fabulous! Don’t ask me to translate “ghetto fab” to French, though. I don’t believe there is an equivalent. Le DMX?

    I always contest because I’m difficult :) Your hair is much hotter longer, as with all women. Only a few women can pull off the Peter Pan hair. Besides, where’s the hair to pull on? Even Julie Andrews freaked me out with that stuff when I was a little kid.

    What movie are you working on now? Make sure you insist that you are allowed to wear long hair, because I will have to have a cross word with your director otherwise. I’ll regulate because I’m quit the diva :) They will have to listen to me because of my certain je ne sais quoi quality, my joie de vivre. Those are the only two French phrases I know because I am a dumb American.

    If you like nightclubs and trance music, have your people contact mine (OK, well, just send me an e-mail by clicking on my name in this comment alone) and we’ll party. We will how do you say make zem say uhh. By “zem” I mean you and your Frogalicious frog legs — we shall drink too much champagne and play ze leapfrog, no?

    I am more charming than all the smelly hairy men in Europe combined, don’t you think, girls? No wonder America has fallen for my charms. Well, some of it. OK, the part of America with a sense of humor and hot hair. I wish :)

    There is a new French house remix of “That is All,” the Audrey’s Hair Too Short Remix.

    That is all (Audrey Likes Me).

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    By the way, does anyone think this is her?

    Either way, I’m still playing hard to get :)

    I got hit on by the girl who played “My Girl” at a party at the college she went to (if you know the school, it’s a a stretch to call anything there a “party,” but she wasn’t hot anymore after she grew up and ditched Macauley Culkin movies. She was smart and nice, but kinda nerdy (which is alright too).

    That is all.

  • Shark

    I don’t have time to read all the comments, but I’ll cut to the chase, folks.

    WITHOUT A DOUBT, the worst lyrics in the history of bipedal grunts were penned by the right-wing, opportunistic Bigass Hat Singer, Daryl Worley in a song called “Have You Forgotten?”

    I mean… he rhymes “forgotten” with “bin laden” — which, imo, is akin to poetic terrorism and qualifies the guy for being hunted down, hit with a nuclear powered TASER, and sent to Gitmo where he’ll have to watch a Rhyming Dictionary wrapped in an American flag be flushed down a toilet.

    Here is the offending excerpt, and if you can stomach the entire song, the above link will take you there.

    ========

    Have you forgotten how it felt that day
    To see your homeland under fire
    And her people blown away?
    Have you forgotten when those towers fell?
    We had neighbors still inside
    Going through a living hell
    And you say we shouldn’t worry ’bout Bin Laden
    Have you forgotten?

    ======

    Oh. My. Gawd.

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    I’ve never heard of the song, Sharky poo.

    When’d you get so political? :)

    You’re stealing my bit with the “I didn’t have time to read the comments, but …” thing :)

    That is all.

  • Shark

    Booey Baby, I NEVER steal anything.

    That is all.

  • http://www.andrewiandodge.com Marty Dodge

    Anyone heard the lyrics to ‘Barbie Girl’ by Aqua? Horrid or what?

  • http://www.kalyr.com/weblog Tim Hall

    Everyone’s forgotten Canada’s finest, April Wine.

    “I like to rock
    Some like it hot
    I like it, you like it
    I like to rock”.

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    Barbie Girl’s meant to be satire of some sort, I think. But it’s an example of when really dumb satire almost confirms what it makes fun of. I knew so many not-so-Barbiesh sorority girls who would insist that the DJ (unfortunately, me in some cases) play this horrible song at after-hours parties in college. I of course refused.

    That is all.

  • Audrey Tautou

    BOBBO

    I’ve actually got a medium-rare part in a movie about the Da Vinci Code that should be done by next spring. I wasn’t a huge fan of the book, but hey, acting pays. So does being French. AND HAVING SHORT SEXY PETER PAN HAIR.

    Also, I don’t totally appreciate your raunchy advances over the internet. Not sexy.

    Oh, one more offering for the worst song ever:

    a sample from “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” by Big & Rich

    (I heard this on American radio once and almost vomited)

    And we made love
    And I saddled up my horse
    and I ride into the city
    I make a lot of noise
    Cause the girls
    They are so pretty
    Riding up and down Broadway
    on my old stud Leroy
    And the girls say
    Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
    Everybody says
    Save a horse, Ride a cowboy

    He goes on to utilise a number of innuendoes and more cheap radio-rap self-glorification antics. I cannot believe what has happened to country music. I was once a fan of ze bluegrass, no?

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    I’m always sexy and those weren’t advances, my French Peter Pan frog :)

    The wedding is off because of your advances toward me :) J/K

    I don’t get that Dan Brown cult following, but I’m sure that’ll be huge. My girlfriend really likes that book, but I can’t get into reading it because I’m not Catholic nor into religious conspiracy stories. She redeemed herself, though, because I caught her reading “I and Thou” by Martin Buber the other day — I was taken aback and if you knew my girlfriend (who’s very blonde, girly and shops for fun), you’d laugh at that too. But she’s smart like that even if she’s not exactly an intellectual, although I think she just picked up the book when she heard me coming home to impress me. It’s not even MY book — it’s hers!

    Medium-rare :) That’s funny. I prefer well-done.

    I don’t understand country music, although I grew up in the South for a while. But I like the weird kind of “O Brother Where Art Thou?” bluegrass, even though I don’t understand it much. Most mainstream country pop music scares me, like “Redneck Woman” or the pro-Bush songs or that new hick-hop black country rapper guy Cowboy Troy.

    Here are some of my favorite bad rap lyrics of all time, especially the lines

    “So what’s it gonna be
    Me or the TV
    Now let me take time to set your mind and your body free
    So why don’t you just stretch
    Stretch for a sec.”

    Brilliant, brilliant stuff.

    I remember dancing to this song at my junior high dance, the same one where the girl I had a crush on (Lori, the prettiest girl in the school) asked me out but I was too scared to say yes, so I made fun of her and run off to my friends on the other side of the gym. She asked me out again later that summer, but my mom was listening on the other line, so I had to act like it was a prank call and hung up. Story of my life :)

    So with no further ado (or should I say “adieu” to be more how do you say Frenchy), this horrible song is just for Audrey.

    Now That We’ve Found Love
    Heavy D. And The Boyz

    Now that we’ve found found love
    What are we gonna do with it. (x2)

    One two, tell me what you got
    Let me slip my quarters inside your slot to hit the jackpot
    Rev me up Rev me up
    My little buttercup
    We can tug sheets snuggle up and get stuck
    Believe it or not
    Here comes the brother with glow
    A strugglin’, Bubblin’ overweight lover hurt prone
    So what’s it gonna be
    Me or the TV
    Now let me take time to set your mind and your body free
    So why don’t you just stretch
    Stretch for a sec.
    ???
    Shake me, Shake me
    Baby Baby bake me
    No need to fake here I am
    Come on and take me
    Wind your body
    Baby move your body
    I see you slip sliding
    Come on now do it hottie
    I’m not quite sure as to what is going down
    But I’m feeling Hunky Dory
    ’bout this thing that I found

    (CHORUS X2)

    I dig the way you wiggle
    You don’t jiggle
    Once you jiggle
    So hand over your love
    Cause it’s heavier
    Than it’ll
    Move like a Mover
    Sye wanted to groove
    So I grooved her
    Then she wanted to learn
    So we’d be schoolin’
    So I schooled her
    (Mary had a little lamb)
    But not like this
    We can waltz and turn
    Rumble tumble and twist
    Then you think you gonna give in
    Phantasies relivin’
    So lay down and relax
    Lover my lady
    Lady love of my baby girl
    Spread your wings
    So we can fly around the world
    ???
    When you drop me kisses
    You’re so cute you drop the bomb on me
    Stretch it
    Stretch it
    Flex it
    Flex it
    Gimme the permission
    Okey, Dokey
    I’ll bless ya
    Blessin’ like buddha
    Buddha as the bless
    You can lay down on the Lover
    Put your head on my chest

    (CHORUS X2)

    What can we do
    What are we gonna do
    Roses are red and Violets are blue
    Love is good and plenty
    If you get plenty good lovin’
    ???
    Do me right
    Do me right
    My lonesome dove
    Tell me one more time
    What is this thing called love
    I’m not quite sure
    As to what is going down
    But I’m feelin’ Hunkey Dory
    ‘Bout this thing that I found

    That is all (“Is Audrey Single?” Remix)

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    By the way, those lyrics ARE not an advance or a come-on, so don’t get carried away with yourselves, girls :)

    I’m still too cool for school.

    That is all.

  • Kathy

    I just chanced upon this site and I’ve been enjoying all of your comments.

    I am so glad someone brought up that John Mayer song- it always gives me the creeps. I think that the Chili Peppers could say just about anything and I would still enjoy them.

    Here is my one of my personal favorites courtesy of Styx:

    I’ve got too much time on my hands, it’s ticking away with my SANITY
    I’ve got too much time on my hands, it’s hard to believe such a CALAMITY

    Ouch; enough said

  • http://none.com Bob A. Booey

    How do you like my Heavy D song, Audrey? I think it’d sound better with a French Frog accent.

    That is all.

  • http://www.billingsgazette.com/blog/citylights/ Ed Kemmick

    I might have agreed with the verdict on “Muskrat Love” … until I heard Ramsey sing it live in Missoula, Mont., 25 years or so ago. It was weirdly moving, as if Loren Eiseley had taken up songwriting. Sure, you had to be there, but still…

  • http://paperfrigate.blogspot.com DrPat

    Sounds like a candidate for this thread, Ed!

    “Explain With One Song Why Someone Should Go See a Band Live”

  • Danielle Iglesias

    I’m afraid I have to severly disagree with your critical remarks of John Mayer’s Body is a Wonderland. Furthermore, to keep you from the “angry John Mayer fan” lashout that this article will surely provoke, I will offer justification rather than a typical teenage “what the hell do you know?” type comment.

    Firstly, I respect your opinion. You seem to know what you’re doing and saying, and are so well versed that you got a whole article posted on your opinpon. Good for you.

    But, how in your right mind do you have the gaul to post John Mayer, who, may I remind you won a Grammy for this song, as a poor songwriter in regards to this song?

    I find this song was very well handled. Most songs having to do with making love will come off as cheesy and cliche, or downright degrading. At least Mr. Mayer took an oversimplified and steryotypical subject and wrote a more mature song dealing with the subject. His reasoning for verses like “bubblegum tongue” and “deep sea of blankets” are not ordinary uses, and show a lot of insight.

    This song is not to be taken literally, and, perhaps if you sat back and though about it, you would realize that it’s pretty insightful considering the overused topic it deals with.

    Oh, and a word of advice, if I may be so bold as to offer it; next time, consider all aspects of the song before pinning a catchy label onto your criticism. Also, never, under any circumstances, put John Mayer’s lyrics rated worse than Meat Loaf’s. Honestly.

    I thank you for your boldness. You humored me. May all other responses be more articulate than mine, otherwise you’ll be looking at a see of teenage girls rioting inside of your inbox.

    Best wishes.
    Danielle Iglesias

  • bodo

    How’s about any of Snoop Dogg’s recent stuff where he spells everything:

    “F, I, F, T, Y,C E, N, T and the S, N, double O, P (that’s me)”

  • bodo

    How’s about any of Snoop Dogg’s recent stuff where he spells everything:

    “F, I, F, T, Y,C E, N, T and the S, N, double O, P (that’s me)”

  • bodo

    or Jeru the Damaga “those skin tight jeans like yeast infection”

  • bodo

    or anything by nu metal heroes (hed)pe:

    “I come into your house
    Make love to your spouse
    Fuck her in the mouth
    Then I’m out.
    What.
    These types of things happens all the time
    You tryin’ to get yours but I’ma kill for mine.
    Nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga please
    I strap on a jimmy cos I don’t want a disease.
    Baby like it when I come inside
    I come into your house and take your daughter for a ride.”

    Awesome stuff.

  • bodo

    limp bizkit win the competition for most consistency in terrible lyrics

    “You wanna mess with Limp Bizkit?
    You can’t mess with Limp Bizkit.
    Why?
    Because we get it on every day and every night.
    See this platinum thing right here?
    Well we’re doing it all the time
    So you’d better get some better beats
    And get some better rhymes.”

    Fred Durst understands irony.

    “I did it all for the nookie
    The nookie
    So you can take that cookie
    And stick it up your
    Stick it up your
    Stick it up your
    Stick it up your”

    etc

  • http://frankieknuckles.fotopages.com farringtongurney

    Spandau ballet:

    gold

    “these are my salad days,
    slowly being eaten away,
    just another play for today,”

    and the same goes for true:

    “Take your seaside arms and write the next line”

    And they said the eighties were drug fuelled days, never

  • bodo

    Smashing Pumpkins

    “life’s a bummer
    when you’re a hummer”

    Hhahahahahaha one of those that is both fucking awful and my favourite lyric.

  • bodo

    sorry to post so many but there just are a lot of shit lyrics such as more (hed)pe

    “I’ma fuck that honey from behind
    She’s a screamer
    Hell yeah
    There’s a party over here
    Party over there.
    Rebels through your fists in the air,
    Bitches throw your tits in the air”

    What? Throw them in the air? Not sure he’s thought that through. Could be messy.

    Paul Simon wrote the best lyric ever

    “She looked me over and I guess that she thought I looked alright,
    Alright in a sort of a limited way for an off night.”

    Hahahahaha genius.

  • http://elsaelsa.com elsa

    This is brilliant.

  • td

    Celine Dion

    MY HEART WILL GO ON

    Including my vote for worst line ever:

    “Love is when I loved You”.

    WTF! Really? Was sight when I saw you, and hear when I heard you. How about choke was when you were drowning. Or headache was when you were singing.

    Brutal. Here’s the rest.

    Every night in my dreams
    I see you. I feel you.
    That is how I know you go on.

    Far across the distance
    And spaces between us
    You have come to show you go on.

    Near, far, wherever you are
    I believe that the heart does go on
    Once more you open the door
    And you’re here in my heart
    And my heart will go on and on

    Love can touch us one time
    And last for a lifetime
    And never go till we’re one

    Love was when I loved you
    One true time I hold to
    In my life we’ll always go on

    Near, far, wherever you are
    I believe that the heart does go on
    Once more you open the door
    And you’re here in my heart
    And my heart will go on and on

    There is some love that will not
    go away

    You’re here, there’s nothing I fear,
    And I know that my heart will go on
    We’ll stay forever this way
    You are safe in my heart
    And my heart will go on and on

  • WTF

    Are we talkin’ 10 worst of ALL time? Or just since the 60’s or what?

    Bang-a-gong T.Rex

    April Wine…. man that’s digging deep into the trove dude.

    Hmmm… this is really difficult.

    Oh My Papa
    My Way

    There are too many bad songs out there.

    Uncle!

  • WTF

    As she abused the sausage pattie!
    And said “why don’t you treat me mean”

    – Zappa

    Actually anything by Zappa is great, when taken into the context that Zappa, really didn’t give a hoot and a hollar, and we’re all crazy anyway.

    Let’s have a Favorite Zappa Lyric Contest. It would be finite, and probably wouldn’t entail too much blather.

  • http://www.bhwblog.com bhw

    Why does it hurt when I pee?

  • http://www.utopia2000.org Barry Stoller

    I hate to mention this on his birthday weekend … but … don’t foget that “voice of a generation,” Mark Farner.

    Ya gotta love this tidbit:

    “I’m afraid of overpopulation.
    I don’t want to die of suffocation.
    The world is full of pollution.
    And Jesus is the solution.”

    Ouch!

  • ANTOM

    Finally someone agrees that john mayer is a fruit

  • Christine

    Well, I’m hot blooded, check it and see
    I got a fever of a hundred and three
    Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
    I’m hot blooded, I’m hot blooded

    You don’t have to read my mind, to know what I have in mind
    Honey you oughta know
    Now you move so fine, let me lay it on the line
    I wanna know what you’re doin’ after the show

    Now it’s up to you, we can make a secret rendezvous
    Just me and you, I’ll show you lovin’ like you never knew

    That’s why, I’m hot blooded, check it and see
    I got a fever of a hundred and three
    Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
    I’m hot blooded, hot blooded

    If it feels alright, maybe you can stay all night
    Shall I leave you my key?
    But you’ve got to give me a sign, come on girl, some kind of sign
    Tell me, are you hot mama? you sure look that way to me

    Are you old enough? will you be ready when I call you bluff?
    Is my timing right? did you save your love for me tonight?

    Yeah I’m hot blooded, check it and see
    Feel the fever burning inside of me
    Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
    I’m hot blooded, I’m hot blooded, I’m hot

    Now it’s up to you, can we make a secret rendezvous?
    Oh, before we do, you’ll have to get away from you know who

    Well, I’m hot blooded, check it and see
    I got a fever of a hundred and three
    Come on baby, do you do more than dance?
    I’m hot blooded, I’m hot blooded

    Hot blooded, every night
    Hot blooded, you’re looking so tight
    Hot blooded, now you’re driving me wild
    Hot blooded, I’m so hot for you, child
    Hot blooded, I’m a little bit high
    Hot blooded, you’re a little bit shy
    Hot blooded, you’re making me sing
    Hot blooded, for your sweet sweet thing

    Foreigner rocks, but man is that bad… awsomely bad

  • mE

    new song by the lovebites;
    ‘you broke my heart, so i broke your nose, and i’m not sorry, i got blood on your clothes’

    and airhostess by busted (RIP)
    ‘i messed my pants, when we flew over france’

  • R. U. Kidding

    Not much time to waste on this, so I’ll be brief. Whatever critics chose numbers 2 and 3 as bad lyrics should hang up their pens and go back to ditchdigging. Jim Steinman and Jimmy Webb, while they have had their lapses, are two of our most amazing English lyric writers (the language, not the country), and are on a par with Robert Burns, Noel Coward, Lorenz Hart, and Jules Shear. The two songs listed, by the way, are _not_ among their (few) lapses. It’s interesting that the first contributor (rightly) pinpointed the cliché “value” of John Mayer’s lyric, but then the second and third contributors took umbrage at songs that were very anti-cliché.

    Re: #2. Have you never known someone so devastated by a failed relationship, having lost so much self-esteem, that his or her future relationships are doomed? Even though someone else may find that person interesting, attractive, and “ultimately salvageable,” is there anything the person who has been hurt can tell the person who desires them other than, “Sure, you’re what I want and need, but I can’t give you love. We started this relationship for sex, I’ve always told you that was all there was to it, and I thought you understood that. And if love is what you’re looking for from me, it’s as futile as mining for rubies in a rockpile or expecting to find a Cadillac in a candy box”? Did you ever stop to think that the first-person narrator has tried to show this person in love with him “just how much [he] care[s]” about his _former_ inamorata, in which case the final verse serves as recapitulation of what he’s expressed to this new wanna-be before. “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad” is a brilliant lyric that expresses that very standpoint, and does so without falling to the level of either pandering or posturing.

    Re: #3. I’ll be the first to admit that Donna Summer’s travesty take on “MacArthur Park” is laughable, and useless for anything more than getting 45-year-olds on the dance floor. And yet this list deals with lyrics, not recordings, and so I must take issue with this being among the worst song lyrics. There is no “implied levity” here–it is a very sad song, dealing with the breakup of a relationship that was very important to the “I” character of the lyric. Take for a moment the _entire_ verse excerpted by the contributor:
    “Spring was never waiting for us, girl,
    It ran one step ahead as we followed in the dance
    Between the parted pages, and were pressed
    In love’s hot fevered iron like a striped pair of pants.”
    Am I alone in understanding what is being said here, and in finding it very poetic? “We didn’t have to wait for spring for us to fall in love, nor did we do it ‘by the book’ in other ways. We got so wrapped up in the ‘heat’ of our love that, just like the colors in the striped fabric, we never realized just how dissimilar we were.” And if you’ve never done much cooking, nor watched a relationship you’ve stuggled very hard to build eventually go bad, I guess you wouldn’t understand why the baking metaphor in the choruses is so accurate. The point of view expressed by the lyricist here could very easily flow, based on the “There will be another song for me . . .” section of the lyric, into the very low self-esteem expressed by the lyric of “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad.”

    One other little thing to remember–in _neither_ of these two lyrics, although their first-person personae are in the depths of despair, ever fall to the level of “poor me,” so apparent in much substandard lyric writing through the ages.

    In summation, although _chacun a son gout_, I suppose, I cannot strongly enough state that although eight out of ten ain’t bad for this list, yet to put these two masterpieces on the same list as the others is to evince either a lack of discernment of the meaning of the lyric, a lack of ability to interpret song lyric as poetry, a lack of understanding of the English language, or a simple lack of taste.

  • http://byebunny.blogspot.com Cade

    …I thought you said you were going to be brief.

  • istykat

    i always thought “turning japanese” wasn’t just about whacking off, but about getting high.

    worst lyrics ever?

    it’s like that and it’s like this
    i took her to the pad and we started to kiss
    now my dick’s all hard, you know what i’m thinkin’
    took the panties off and the pussy was stinkin’…

    i could go on but it simply gets worse to “gimme that nut” by easy e.

    and don’t get me wrong, i happen to LOVE easy e. which is quite a quandry considering the lyrics are so tasteless and i’m a WOMAN.

  • Mark

    ” a squid eating dough from a poly ethelene bag is fast and bulbous , got it.
    – Captain Beefheart

  • fuck off

    sad cunts

  • BWW

    Anything worse than this drivel from Des’ree? Didn’t think so.

    I’m afraid of the dark
    Especially when I’m in the park
    When there’s no one else around
    Oh I get the shivers
    I don’t wanna see a ghost
    It’s the sight that I fear most
    I’d rather have a piece of toast
    Watch the evening news

    Life, oh life
    Oh life, oh life
    Life, oh life
    Oh life, oh life

    I’m a superstitious girl
    I’m the worst in the world
    Never walk under ladders
    I keep a rabbits’ tail
    I’ll take you up on a dare
    Anytime, anywhere
    Name the place, I’ll be there
    Bungee jumping, I don’t care

    Life, oh life
    Oh life, oh life
    Life, oh life
    Oh life, oh life
    Life

    So after all’s said and done
    I know I’m not the only one
    Life indeed can be fun
    If you really want to
    Sometimes living out your dreams
    Ain’t as easy as it seems
    You wanna fly around the world
    In a beautiful balloon

  • http://www.scopecreep.com/Rhapsody/ Robert

    Ha! that kills me BWW!
    I posted this over at the Radish

  • BWW

    I’m not sure I’ve ever heard worse, Robert.

  • Flotsam

    Oh please! Those songs are, at worst, mediocre pop drivel. 10 worst? Come on! In the archives of musical history this is the WORST you can come up with? What are you 12?

    You want a good place to start? This guy has hit the nail on it’s proverbial head: Now his are seriously, earbleedingly bad songs.

    I mean, really…you don’t even have a Celene Dion song on there!

    Well, okay, at least you have MacArthur Park, and Muskrat Love…Kudos for those. No “worst lyrics” list would be complete without those.

  • keti

    WORST SONG LYRICS EVER:

    ANYTHING BY GWEN STEFANI SOLO (ESPECIALLY HOLLABACK GIRL, RICH GIRL, WHAT YOU WAITING FOR)

    “MY NECK, MY BACK” KHIA

    “MY HUMPS” BLACK EYED PEAS

    “SK8ER BOI” AVRIL

  • XaC

    Ok i only got to about 70 postings before all of your pointless squabaling bored me to quickly scan through the rest and post my own two cents.

    First: in those seventie some postings i read, i saw much discusion on john mayer’s “wonderland….thing” which i am not the bigest fan of, but why did not the discust for these lyrics bring about discussion about “If I were invisable” by…. is it Clay Akin? oh well, it is amazing that so many women would be totaly flattered about some guy who wants to watch them change clothes and stare at their naked bodies while while they are unaware. does this not offend many women, cause if it dosent, ill gladly watch some of you in your rooms, or mine if youd like. lol

    second: the origanl comment about one week kinda offends me. how dare anyone say that the bear naked ladies( they do spell it bear like RAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR right)wrote bad lyrics, who else could make you laugh so hard you cry just by saying “under where(wear)” that is true lyrical genious.

    P.S. dont make fun of my spelling, i know i can’t spell.

  • Steve

    I agree with #175, “Hot Blooded” was not a high point in the Foreigner songbook lol.

    I must confess, however, that music is more important than the lyrics of the song to me (unless they have some offensive content, like a number that have been pointed out above). After all, if lyrics were more important, why not just read poetry and forget the music altogether??

    And I now know more about that John Mayer tune than I would ever have wished to know. I guess that’s what Blogcritics are for (smiley).

    Re. “Tubthumping” by Chumbawumba, try “Dive” by Steven Curtis Chapman, musically similar but much better lyrics lol.

  • iain

    hmm if you’re going to try taking the piss out of those lyrics, i agree some of which were crap, at least make good points. there are many much much worse song lyrics out there… im thinking charlotte church, britney etc etc

  • sam

    it has to be P.I.M.P by 50 cent hes a wanker

  • sam

    i also think that even though wolfmother are an unreal aussie band, a lot of their lyrics really dont make any sense at all.

    “Nyssa can you remember me? I’m the one that picked the apple tree”
    absolute garbage but the song is awesome so nobody cares!!

    It’s only their first album though and lyrical poetry is soon to come as they develop as songwriters.

  • mr jollolly

    i just wanted to be on a website…weeeeeeeeeeeeee. the pogues have some funny lyrics…Billy saw the arabs and he had ’em on the run
    When he got ’em in the range of his sub-machine gun
    Then he had the israelis in his sights, went a ra-ta-ta
    And they ran like shiites

  • Slash

    ur an idiot. that stupid song by fifty cent should have been number one.

  • Vanessa

    In defense of Alanis Morissette…

    All the people making fun of this song fail to give a definition of what irony really is. They just quote line and say that’s not ironic blah blah blah…well why not?

    The definition of irony is “incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result.” -merriam-webster

    So I don’t see why her examples don’t fit. I love the song personally. “It’s like rain on your wedding day” is an awesome line. Imagine planning out your wedding day months in advance and then the big day comes, you’re saying your vows and out of no where, it rains. Isn’t that “incongruity between the actual result and the expected result”?

    Something else I found funny is in one comment about the song, someone takes “It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife” literally. They go on to say “Who the hell has ten thousand spoons ?? And what is this knife for ??” Come on, that line was obviously symbolism. No one needs to point out that no one has ten thousand spoons. It’s about having a ton of something unnecessary when all you need is one little thing.

    Anyway whether you like the song or not, there’s no reason to attack the singer over it. There was an honest effort put into writing this song. It’s creative and catchy. That’s what matters.

    I also don’t agree with the people saying stuff against the Barenaked Ladies song because they are really good. You guys are looking way too deep into things. What should be on the list of worst lyrics are the countless songs (mainly rap) where the singer/rapper talks about how many hos and b*tches he has and all that and then some girl voice joins in and agrees with it.

  • Jim Toncar

    Worst lyrics I ever heard were from “Color Him Father” by the Winstons:

    My mother loves him and I can tell
    By the way she looks at him when he holds my little sister Nell.

  • Scott Butki

    Oh, that’s bad!

    ——–
    #102
    KYS
    August 7, 2005
    06:26 PMHow about The Divinyls:

    “I don´t want anybody else
    When I think about you I touch myself”

    Is that necessary?

    Yes it is.
    :)

  • Steve

    No one’s mentioned this yet – from The Who’s “Athena”:

    Consumed, there was a beautiful white horse I saw in a dream stage
    It had a snake the size of a sewer pipe living in its rib cage
    And I felt like a pickled priest who was being flambed
    You got me requisitioned, blondie

    I think Pete Townshend may have had some bad milk that day……

  • Scott Butki

    Bad acid maybe?

  • http://uruguay pedro

    have anyone heard the song dog years by rush

    “… a canine will be chasing cars in doggy heaven…”

  • Destiny’s cunt

    Kelly Rowland ‘Stole’ and ‘Can’t Nobody’
    Don’t be fucking me around widj yo shit grammar sistah!

  • raggatt

    “Timothy” – a 1971 “hit” about cannibalism by the Buoys – sung very earnestly and with much anguish!!!

    Trapped in a mine that had caved in
    And everyone knows the only ones left
    Were Joe and me and Tim
    When they broke through to pull us free
    The only ones left to tell the tale
    Were Joe and me

    Timothy, Timothy, where on earth did you go
    Timothy, Timothy, God why don’t I know

    Hungry as hell no food to eat
    And Joe said that he would sell his soul
    For just a piece of meat
    Water enough to drink for two
    And Joe said to me, I’ll have a swig
    And then there’s some for you

    Timothy, Timothy, Joe was looking at you
    Timothy, Timothy, God what did we do

    I must have blacked out just around then
    ‘Cause the very next thing that I could see
    Was the light of the day again
    My stomach was full as it could be
    And nobody ever got around
    To finding Timothy
    Timothy…

  • raggatt

    Oh, and YES that song about “have you forgotten” 9-11 and finding Osama bin Laden!!!! I HATE that song!! Like the idiot singing it is the only one who remembers, and he feels the need to “remind” us…so sanctimonious, condescending, patronising, puke-worthy, cringe-worthy! Oh, and let’s not forget capitalizing and opportunistic!

  • Paul

    GnR One In A million is in the top ten *BEST* song lyrics.

  • ANNO

    im amazed that some people would even think of making a “comment Policy” and my attention has been drawn to “putting my words carefully” so here i go! Coldplay are a very expierinced band and have released many inspiring songs this web site as you may want to call it?! is not EXACTLY the best to describe one persons opinions yes most of the other songs are very rubbish but coldplay should not be one of them!!! thanks for wasting my time!!

  • Davir

    I totally agree with Vanessa on post #194

  • AMiee

    not sure if anyones mentioned hanson. mmm bop. like… what?

    Oh oh oh oh oh
    Yeah

    You have so many relationships in this life
    Only one or two will last
    You go through all the pain and strife
    Then you turn your back and they’re gone so fast
    Oh yeah
    And they’re gone so fast, yeah
    Oh
    So hold on the ones who really care
    In the end they’ll be the only ones there
    And when you get old and start losing your hair
    Tell me who will still care
    Can you tell me who will still care?
    Oh care

    Mmmbop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, ba duba dop
    Ba du
    Yeah
    Mmmbop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du
    Yeah

    Oh yeah
    In an Mmmbop they’re gone
    Yeah yeah

    Plant a seed, plant a flower, plant a rose
    You can plant any one of those
    Keep planting to find out which one grows
    It’s a secret no one knows
    It’s a secret no one knows
    Oh, no one knows

    Mmmbop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, ba duba dop
    Ba du, yeah
    Mmmbop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du, yeah

    Oh
    Yeah oh

    In an mmm bop they’re gone
    Oh yeah oh
    In an mmmbop they’re gone
    In an mmm bop they’re not there
    In an mmmbop they’re gone
    In an mmm bop they’re not there
    In an mmmbop they’re gone
    In an mmmbop they’re not there
    In an mmmbop they’re gone
    In an mmmbop they’re not there
    Until you lose your hair
    Oh
    But you don’t care

    Mmmbop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, ba duba dop
    Ba du, yeah
    Mmmbop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du, yeah

    Yeah
    Oh yeah oh oh
    So hold on the ones who really care
    In the end they’ll be the only ones there
    And hen you get old and start losing your hair
    Tell me who will still care
    Can you tell me who will still care?
    Oh care

    Mmmbop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, ba duba dop
    Ba du, yeah
    Mmmbop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du, care

    Can you tell me? oh
    No you can’t ’cause you don’t know
    Can you tell me? oh
    You say you can but you don’t know
    Can you tell me? oh
    (Which flower’s going to grow?)
    No you can’t ’cause you don’t know
    Can you tell me? oh
    (If it’s going to be a daisy or a rose?)
    You say you can but you don’t know
    Can you tell me? oh
    (which flower’s going to grow?)
    No you can’t ’cause you don’t know
    Can you tell me? oh
    You say you can but you don’t know
    Oh yeah
    You say you can but you don’t know
    You dont know
    You dont know, oh

    Mmmbop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, ba duba dop
    Ba du, yeah
    Mmmbop, ba duba dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du bop, Ba du dop
    Ba du, care

    Oh
    Can u tell me? oh
    No you can’t ’cause you don’t know
    Can u tell me? oh
    You say you can but you don’t know
    Can u tell me? oh
    No you can’t ’cause you don’t know
    Can u tell me?
    You say you can but you don’t know

  • winston

    Anthony Kiedis of RHCP is pretty bad. I take it more lightly because the band doesn’t exactly adopt a mature mantra, but some people have actually called him ‘poetic’. Can’t agree… he just strings together rhyming words. At least he has a big vocabulary.

    Gavin DeGraw irritates me. He has a wonderful voice, so I still listen to him, but if anybody has heard the lyrics to ‘Belief’… my god, i go insane.

    There’s also a good song by Maroon 5 called ‘Sunday Morning’. I was, at first, very impressed by the song – I thought one of the lyrics stated “God is slow on Sunday morning”, and so I got to thinking about all these sarcastic and cynical connotations about God. Turns out the real lyric is merely “Driving slow on Sunday morning”. It dropped a few points in my book, then… now it’s trite as hell.

  • Pwyll

    From # 194:

    “So I don’t see why her examples don’t fit. I love the song personally. “It’s like rain on your wedding day” is an awesome line. Imagine planning out your wedding day months in advance and then the big day comes, you’re saying your vows and out of no where, it rains. Isn’t that “incongruity between the actual result and the expected result”?”

    No. The expected result of your wedding day would be that you get married. Whether or not it rains is immaterial. If you expect it not to rain just because it’s your wedding day, that just means you have unrealistic expectations. (Unless, of course, you live in the desert.)

  • Richard

    well i dont know any of you. but i must say that the critics are a bit led astray… well some of them. i must disagree with the bare naked ladys song one week. cause that song is awesom. but then again it’s every ones personal oppinion just like i hate rap and dont particularly care for country. btu that is my personal oppinion

  • Jim457

    “On and On” by Stephen Bishop. This song is the worst written song ever. It is abyssmal. I can’t believe it ever made the airwaves. It just goes “on and on and on and on” with no sense of rhyme or rhythm.

  • danny

    wat about The killers mr brightside
    i can’t stand the killers and the lyrics make no sense wat so ever.

  • Scott

    Umm….We all seem to have forgotten Sister Christian by Night Ranger.

    You’re motorin’ What’s your price for flight? It’ll be allright tonight.

    The worst ever.

  • Antares

    The worst lyric in the history of pop music:

    “She blew my nose, and then she blew my mind”.

    (“Honky-Tonk Women”, the Rolling Stones)

    By the way, your (mis)interpretation of *Falling Down* is idiotic.

  • Simon

    These are some pretty bad lyrics here – One True Voice with ‘Shakespeare’s Way With Words’…

    Im too shy, to say I love you,
    I can’t tell you how I feel,
    Don’t ask, I can’t explain it,
    I don’t know why but my lips are sealed.

    I can be your Romeo,
    I wanna be your hero

    Chorus

    If I had Shakespeares way with words,
    I would write a sonnet, put your name upon it,
    How can I be heard?
    In my heart I am a poet, don’t know how to show it,
    If only I had Shakespeare’s way with words.

    I can’t talk, you leave me breathless,
    No sound when I try to speak,
    I try to be romantic,
    But every time im near your I go weak.

    You can be my Juliet,
    And I promise you no regrets.

    Chorus

    If I had Shakespeares way with words,
    I would write a sonnet, put your name upon it,
    How can I be heard?
    In my heart I am a poet, don’t know how to show it,
    If only I had Shakespeare’s way with words.

    If I had Shakespeares way with words,
    I would write a sonnet, put your name upon it,
    How can I be heard?
    In my heart I am a poet, don’t know how to show it,
    If only I had Shakespeare’s way with words.

    Don’t know much bout nothing
    Know nothing much at all,
    But I do know one thing, I love you, really love you,
    And I give anything, to tell you how i feel inside

    If I had Shakespeares way with words,
    I would write a sonnet, put your name upon it,
    How can I be heard?
    In my heart I am a poet, don’t know how to show it,
    If only I had Shakespeare’s way with words.

    If I had Shakespeares way with words,
    I would write a sonnet, put your name upon it,
    How can I be heard?
    In my heart I am a poet, don’t know how to show it,
    If only I had Shakespeare’s way with words.

    By the way – I think the stones lyric mentioned above is quite a good one!!

  • http://www.fucku.net lio

    wpac lyrics are the best ever

  • starrsiren

    Lil’ Somethin’ Somethin’
    Um, mr. jackson, what are you talking about? well, I’ve heard about
    Those parties, they’re immoral. mr.
    Jackson i
    Thought you were a respectable gentleman…
    Now, don’t give me that respectable gentleman bullshit you little
    Bitch.
    Mr. jackson!
    Now stop playing dumb you ditsy cunt!

    (chorus):
    Hey, baby I heard you like to freak. (well, I guess so.)
    Then come out to play with me. (heheh.)
    Baby I heard you like to freak. (well, I guess so.)
    Then come out to play with me.
    (end chorus)

    Hey what’s up I’m new in town. I work for the circus,
    Shaggy the clown. anyway, yo girl I’ve seen you around.
    I guess I’m tryin’ say that I wanna be down, hey!
    We had ice cream, sat in the park.
    I walked her all the way home when it got dark.
    She took me inside and when the door shut,
    Next thing you know, I had my nuts in her butt, uh.
    I wanna bitch that’s down to fuck right away.
    And even does my homies if it’s ok.
    A little bitch that’s down with a quicky, I love checky checky.
    I ain’t being picky though. so you might be a little bit fat.
    You might even stink a bit, I don’t mind that.
    Even if you don’t fuck on the first date.
    Just put my nuts in your mouth and I’ll stray.
    I need a girl that just don’t give a fuck.
    So I’m caught stroking her mom. I mean, so what?
    A little a skins here and there ain’t nothin’.
    I just need a bitch who’s down with a lil’ somethin’ somethin’.

    (chorus)

    My name’s violent j, so I can’t fuck around.
    Who’s the dirtiest bitch in the whole town?
    There she go, she workin’ at dairy queen.
    Bitch couldn’t be a day over fifteen.
    So I threw her in the butt like that.
    I hit it so quick, I made her butt cheeks clap. haha
    Why wait around ’til she gets married.
    Cause I’m ready as long as her neden’s hairy.
    Tootsie, tootsie, pumpkin pie. oops, looks like you nut in your eye.
    My fault I didn’t notice you were still there.
    Now go in and wash that shit out your hair, bitch.
    I want a girl not afraid to bone,
    Even if her mommas and pops is still home.
    And if her daddy suddenly walks in,
    He just might see my nuts on his daughter’s chin.
    Everybody in the hood says that your easy.
    You look a little cracked out, a little sleezy.
    Your a basic, baby, it ain’t shit. I’m still down if you down,
    For a lil’ somethin’ somethin’. somethin’ somethin’

    I am aware that a few of these words are incorrect, but does that really matter when the entirety of the song is just plain wrong? I am sure that this song, as with all “music” by this band is meant strictly for entertaiment and does not make an attempt at serious commentary or literary genious. However, I still had to include it because no one else did. By the way, the band is Insane Clown Posse and yes all their songs are this bad.

  • kev

    Jojo – Leave (Get Out)

    The lyrics of the song generally are not that bad but theres one part that really pisses me off everytime I hear it. It’s this part:

    “you go behind my back and call my friend
    boy you must’ve fall and bumped your head
    because you left your number on her phone”

    It doesn’t sound right in the song, and why would you assume that someone bumped their head just because you left your number on another girl’s phone!?? Clearly just added in there to rhyme with “friend”. anyone else agree?

  • Zayshah

    OK, none of these get even CLOSE to ‘Poo Out my Ass’ by MSI. Search it up, and cry. I can almost promise you your eyes will bleed.

  • g. avila

    i’m commenting on skip tracer’s comment
    about dashboard’s lyrics being worst.

    in these words:

    Hope dangles on a string
    Like slow spinning redemption..
    ——————————–

    don’t you think it has got
    something to do w/ spiderman?
    its a metaphor.
    the string is the web that spiderman
    uses to swing around.
    so it’s telling us that hope(spiderman),
    dangles on a string(spider web)

    i’ll comment the “Like slow spinning redemption..”
    some other time.
    i need to go to school now.

  • stolen name.

    ah these are so right, youre pretty much my hero.

    thats all needed to be said.

  • ClubStyle_DJ

    I know maybe talkin about The Beatles is sacreligious however, some of thier ‘Drug’ induced tunage includes:
    “Lucy in the sky with diamonds”, “We all live in a yellow submarine”, “i’m am the walrus, koo koo ka choo”

    2cents worth of
    CSDJ

  • -Langdon-

    Not sure if the line from ‘Honky Tonk Women’ isn’t actually a reference to using cocaine before sex, but it sure doesn’t make it less funny *g*.

    As for ‘MacArthur Park’, Richard Harris’ rendition made the lyrics even more painful in my opinion, whereas Donna Summer’s version always seemed to be a somewhat misguided parody, something like ‘let’s do a really awkward ballad from way back when…’ But then what do you expect from someone who gave the world 17 minutes of


    I love to love you baby…

    When you’re laying so close to me
    there’s no place I’d rather you be
    than with me here

    (Okay there were two more verses, but this was prevalent, and it’s not a contestant anyway, just ‘fuck music’ *chuckle’.)

    Club Style brought up the topic of ‘sacred’ lyricists — and I think Paul Simon belongs to that category as well. While his songs are almost always comforting to the ear, he’s managed to come up with a couple of lines that still have me baffled — here are a few examples:


    I’d rather be a sparrow than a snail.
    Yes I would.
    If I could,
    I surely would.
    I’d rather be a hammer than a nail.
    Yes I would.
    If I only could,
    I surely would.

    (from: El Condor Pasa). Okay, anyone who wouldn’t?


    Cars are cars all over the world
    Cars are cars all over the world
    Engine in the front. Jack in the back
    Wheels take the brunt. Pinion and a rack
    Cars are cars all over the world
    Cars are cars all over the world

    But people are strangers
    They change with the curve
    From time zone to time zone
    As we can observe
    They shut down their borders
    And think they’re immune
    They stand on their differences
    And shoot at the moon

    (from: Cars Are Cars). How’s that for linking unlinked imagery and topics?

    And finally, even my fav song on ‘Bridge Over Troubled Water’ has its lapses:


    Half of the time we’re gone but we don’t know where,
    And we don’t know where.

    (from: The Only Living Boy in New York). Pretty observant, but of what exactly?

    Besides, to this day I haven’t decided yet if ‘Sounds of Silence’ should be on the ‘potent if early criticism of the emerging singer/songwriter scene’ list — or on that for ‘most pretentious and self-righteous lyrics of all time’ — any suggestions? *ss*

  • Emma

    OK?
    what about:

    Boom Boom Boom I want you in my room
    We’ll spend the night together?

    or possibly:
    Me and my gang we likve to ride we ride to live…

  • Annie G

    With all do respect- some of those songs are pretty bad but seriously- read this:

    Do You Wanna Dance?
    Lyrics by: The Beach Boys

    Do you want to dance and hold my hand
    Tell me baby I’m your lover man
    Oh baby do you want to dance?

    Do you want to dance under the moonlight
    Hold me baby all through the night
    Oh baby
    Do you want to dance?
    Do you, do you, do you
    Do you want to dance
    Do you, do you, do you
    Do you want to dance
    Do you, do you, do you
    Do you want to dance?

    Do you want to dance under the moonlight
    Squeeze me baby all through the night
    Oh baby
    Do you want to dance?

    Do you want to dance under the moonlight
    Squeeze me, squeeze me all through the night
    Oh baby
    Do you want to dance?
    Do you, do you, do you
    Do you want to dance
    Do you, do you, do you
    Do you want to dance
    Do you, do you, do you
    Do you want to dance?

    Do you, do you, do you
    Do you want to dance
    Do you, do you, do you
    Do you want to dance
    Do you, do you, do you
    Do you want to dance

    Do you, do you, do you
    Do you want to dance
    Do you, do you, do you
    Do you want to dance
    Do you, do you, do you
    Do you want to dance

  • PD

    OK, I have to mention a song from late 70’s, “Shake It” by Ian Matthews/Terence Boylan. Here are some especially puzzling excerpts:

    “Here she comes ridin’
    Rollin’ it down the line
    Slipin’ and slidin’
    Takin’ her sweet old time”

    I wonder, what is she riding, that would roll, slip and slide, slowly? Wait a minute – it IS the late 70’s so, a skateboard? But wait:

    “Here she comes slidin’
    Shakin’ it down the hall
    She’s got a picture in her locker
    An autographed basketball”

    Ok, she’s still sliding, but simultaneously shaking? And in the hallway? I’m stumped on her mode of locomation. I give up. I am presuming that the lines refering to the contents of her locker is a convenience, as “basketball” rhymes with “hall” and both can be found at high school. Awkward!

    Onwards to my favourite verse:

    “She’s got a purse that was made in Mexico
    A mind that was made for love
    She’s got a new way of dancin’ slow
    She knows what you’re thinkin’ of”

    Please, can someone help me with the relevance of the Mexican purse? Just needed a preceeding line of somehting made of/by/for/ something, to set up the line for a mind that was made for love?’?

    The rest I leave in here because the chorus may help you remember the song in question, if you’ve ever heard it.

    “Shake it baby, shake it all you can tonight
    Go on and, and break ‘em baby
    Break ‘em all you can tonight
    ‘Cause it won’t last forever
    But do it for worse or for better
    And give the boy somethin’ to dream on later”

    A saucy, taunting tale bejewelled with mislocated, irrelevant lines. Ouch.

  • Bam

    haha. Fallout Boy and Plain White Ts suck ass.

  • Ginger

    Why is there not more outrage over My Humps by Black Eyed Peas. I seriously thought the song was a joke when I heard it. But, I also felt that way when I heard the lyrics “hit me baby one more time.”

  • http://completesports.blogspot.com twins15

    “What if God was one of us?” has some pretty awful lyrics as well.

  • Willio

    Dont get me wrong.. i love System of a down, but the lyrics of this song man,

    “Banana banana banana terricota banana terricota terricota pie”

    Terricota is what you use to make collumns infront of your house, not a food ya stupid stoners XD. t

    Then the rest of the song, goes on about whores… i dont get it

  • skip tracer34

    yo wats up willio yah that song makes no sence to me its point less and what if god was one of us i sung that in school and got a refferal and suspended =) macarthurs park is so pointless two but ym history teacher loves it i love american pie but alota other peopel dont any of you liek that song=P

  • deer hunter 4 life

    skip tracer34 your gay i dont think any of these peopel care what you think or do. ps. who deer hunts lol i do

  • iraq evader

    emma me and my gang that song rocks

  • iraq evader

    any body on here any were?

  • iraq evader

    i just thought of a song that was horrible surfin bird makes no sense like a 2 year odl wrote it am i right or what? i hate that song

  • ev

    Here are some real pearls of wisdom by Natasha Bettingfield:

    Feel the rain on your head, no one else can feel it for you….no one else no one else

    What can I say. Profound.

    And this one by Akon (eminem’s protege):
    Come on over to my place where we can kick it like Taebo (sp?)

    Dude said kick it like taebo, wtf?!

  • Tanuki

    Abracadabra.. By Steve Miller Band. That is just embarrassing. Although the song is catchy, I admit, the lyrics are lame.

  • Liessa

    One modern song which no one has yet deigned to mention is ‘Fast and Furious’ by the Teriyaki Boyz. Not only do the lyrics make zero sense whatsoever, the twee accents and squeaky voices emplyoed by all the singers are enough to put one off racing movies. Forever.

  • Jkate

    okay the song ironic actually does mention ironic things- a traffic jam wen ur already late- its ironic becus every other day wen ur on time its fine and the one day ur late its jammed up! SEE PEOPLE IRONYY IRONY

  • Damillion Malania

    Love to see 50 Cent on this list, Thank you!
    But havn´t you concidered Manowar or Dragonforce for this list? I mean the Roleplaying theme is pretty lame :P “Brothers of metal, we are fighting for power and steel, fighting for metal, that´s all that´s real, brothers of metal will always the there, standing together with hands in the air”…I mean, don´t you find that more lame than “Fix you”? I do.

  • MARIANNA JANE CLOSE

    Friday 15th December 2006

    ooh ooh ooh you’ll go far/shooting star…whatever drivel comes next.
    by elliott smith.

    ooh ooh ooh little boy blue!
    i see through you!
    shoo-bee-doo-bee-doo
    where is my written-apology!?
    ‘cos GENIUS don’t ever come 4 free!
    shoo-bee-doo-bee-doo
    little boy blue
    december frost is gonna get to you
    make sure you got a roof over ya head
    else you may wind-up on skid row layin’ in the gutter -dead.
    so ! who is the bread-winner round here litle boy blue!?
    Is it you!?
    Or is it me!?
    Clock will go tick-tock-tick-tock
    Sitting in my armchair cleaning my GLOCK.23
    ‘Cos GENIUS never comes 4 free
    Little boy blue
    Little boy blue
    Little boy blue
    I ain’t gonna shoot ya
    Jus’ lettin’ you know
    There is a heaven above and a hell-below.
    4sure.
    I know it.
    So does the whore.

    average-joe harvard

  • MARIANNA JANE CLOSE

    sic.
    line 11:little

  • jordan

    omg, make a little bit of sense people!!!!

  • james

    Istanbul was Constantinople
    Now it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople
    Been a long time gone, Constantinople
    Why did Constantinople get the works?
    That’s nobody’s business but the Turks

    Nobody’s business but the Turks? Surely you could go to a library or even do a google search and find out something about Turkish history.

    Nothing like willful ignorance of basic history set to a catchy tune.

  • Will

    Do you remember when MC Hammer dropped the MC and became a “Gangster Rapper”.

    Chorus (4x):
    Pumps and a bump, Pumps and a bump, we like the girls with the Pumps and a bump!

    Verse 1:
    Just when I thought could I hit another one
    So up jumps see me with the pumps and a bump
    All stiggitty stiggity girls, getting on my good nerves
    Looking like ice cream ready to be served
    Wreck it, check it, can I get in it
    If you wanna kick it with a G baby here’s me
    Cause I come equipped, I’m a pimp, a slippity slip, I suppose you take a trip

    Chorus(4x)

    Pumps and a bump, now many say a big butt
    But if you’re hip you know that it’s a phone crud
    It’s making the brothers go crazy in the 2-G
    Shake like a bottle girl fine as wine G
    So when I here I got a step (to a fine thing)
    Never been a coward (cause it’s a eastside thing)
    Just step right up to the girl with the big butt
    Tell her what’s up you got the pumps and a bump

    Bridge:
    Men: Ooooh! Everyone for the rest of your life there’s a girl fucking tight!
    Ladies! All everyone there’s a man who is tight who can hit it all night!
    We gotta get the pumps!

    Chorus(4x)

    I don’t like ‘em stiggity fat! (No!)
    I like ‘em stiggity stacked (Yeah!)
    You wiggity wiggity wack if you ain’t got biggity back (Awwww!)
    So when you hear the rump shaking on the dance floor
    Keep you bottling get your eyes and get hypnotized
    But a nigga like me will dance up to some chopping and chewing
    Keep em bottling you know I keep ‘em bobbing
    I put my fingerprints all over that rump
    I’m guilty as hell but I love the pumps and the bump! (Ow!)

    Chorus (4x)
    Bridge

  • Mar

    Uhhh, there is NOTHING wrong with number 1 or 4…

  • Bob

    Not Bad Not Bad, however some lyrics are actually very degrading!!! How about the best lyrics ever.

  • Beat Babe

    I’m amazed that nobody has mentioned Paul Simon’s “Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver,” uh, I mean “Fifty Ways to Leave your Lover:”

    Just slip out the back, Jack
    Make a new plan, Stan

    I always used to parody it as

    Just sip out the sack, Jack
    Go cop me a gram, Stan

    Or what about Debby Boone’s “You Light Up My Life?” It’s a truly awful song, and everything about the recording–from the arrangements to her voice–makes it possibly the very worst of all time.

  • Guitarded

    As far as I can tell, only about half of these cirticisms are written solely about the lyrics, which I think is the point of this site. whoever wrote #3 about Meatloaf’s “Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad” did a great job, as the catchiness of the tune was acknowledged, though the words, I agree, are horrendus. It is all too obvious that whoever wrote about John Mayer, Guns and Roses and Coldplay dislike the work of these musicians in its entirety. Your criticisms seem to be attempts to justify your distaste by drawing attention to details about the lyrics that would not otherwise be considered bad. I wonder what one might say upon picking apart lyrics that you three have written…wait, have you even written any? Whoever wrote about Guns and Roses could have made a case about taking offense to some of the content, but since youdid not, you have no case. I would also like to ask why, out of all the bad rap lyrics, “Candyshop” was singled out. I usually don’t take the time to comment on web material such as this, but I feel that some talented artists are being discredited unfairly. The lyrics to the songs on the list that remain unmentioned are legitimately bad…props to whoever posted them.

  • Jason

    “if the light is off, then it isn’t on” hilary duff in so yesterday.

  • Beat Babe

    What about this morsel from The Doors:

    Hello, I love you
    Won’t you tell me your name?

    Was Jim Morrison trying to depict psychosis. The problem is that, as the saying goes, an actor can’t play himself.

  • Beat Babe

    Remember the Archies’ song, “Sugar, Sugar?” Because there’s a history of diabetes in my family, I never could listen to it.

  • MCH

    “I Can Help” by Billy Swan

    “If you’ve got a problem, I don’t care what it is
    If you need a hand, I can assure you this
    I can help, I’ve got two strong arms, I can help
    It would sure do me good to do you good,
    Let me help

    It’s a fact that people get lonely, ain’t nothing new
    But a woman like you baby, should never have the blues
    Let me help, I’ve got two for me, let me help
    It would sure do me good to do you good
    Let me help

    When I go to sleep at night, you’re always a part of my dream
    Holding me tight and telling me everything I want to hear
    Don’t forget me baby, all you gotta do is call
    You know how I feel about you, if I can do anything at all
    Let me help

    If your child needs a daddy, I can help
    It would sure do me good to do you good,
    Let me help”

  • Jess

    Bad lyrics?
    errr, how about all of the vengaboys songs?
    wans’t there a girl in the vengaboys?

  • Book Babe

    Nearly any disco song could make the list. Perhaps the most egregious are “Fly Robin Fly,” “That’s Right, Get Up and Boogie” and “Disco Duck.” The first two merely repeat the same inane line throughout the recording, while “Duck” was annoying even when my head was besotted with loud music and intoxicants back in the day. Actually, now that I’m sober, lots of songs seem inane to me now.

  • Emma

    has anyone said anything about “Life is wonderful” by jason mraz? it has some great lines, and then some rediculous ones:

    the song opens with
    “it takes a crane to build a crane”

    the chorus itself is pretty stupid:
    “a, la la la la la life is wonderful,
    a, la la la la la life goes full circle”

    why dont you just see the rest of the lyrics and decide for youself:

    “It takes a crane to build a crane
    It takes two floors to make a story
    It takes an egg to make a hen
    It takes a hen to make an egg
    There is no end to what I’m saying

    It takes a thought to make a word
    And it takes some words to make an action
    It takes some work to make it work
    It takes some good to make it hurt
    It takes some bad for satisfaction

    La la la la la la la life is wonderful
    Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
    Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
    Al la la la la

    It takes a night to make it dawn
    And it takes a day to make you yawn brother
    And it takes some old to make you young
    It takes some cold to know the sun
    It takes the one to have the other

    And it takes no time to fall in love
    But it takes you years to know what love is
    It takes some fears to make you trust
    It takes those tears to make it rust
    It takes the dust to have it polished

    Ha la la la la la la life is wonderful
    Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
    Ah la la la la la la life is so full of
    Ah la la la la la la life is so rough
    Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
    Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
    Ah la la la la la la life is our love
    Ah la la la la la

    It takes some silence to make sound
    It takes a loss before you found it
    And it takes a road to go nowhere
    It takes a toll to make you care
    It takes a hole to make a mountain

    Ah la la la la la la life is wonderful
    Ah la la la la la la life goes full circle
    Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
    Ha la la la la la life is meaningful
    Ha la la la la la life is wonderful
    Ha la la la la la life it is…so… wonderful
    It is so meaningful
    It is so wonderful
    It is meaningful
    It is wonderful
    It is meaningful
    It goes full circle
    Wonderful
    Meaningful
    Full circle
    Wonderful”

  • http://www.antequeravillarental.com Christopher Rose

    I haven’t heard Jason Mraz and after reading that trite drivel I don’t want to!

  • http://www.antequeravillarental.com Christopher Rose

    But if it’s trite banality you want, little can top this “masterpiece” from the hideously over-rated White Stripes:-

    My Doorbell

    I’m thinkin’ about my doorbell
    When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it
    Yeah, I’m thinkin’ about my doorbell
    When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it
    Yeah, I’m thinkin’ about my doorbell
    When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it
    yeah, I been thinkin’ about my doorbell

    Oh, well

    Well with me and chipin’ me and kisses?
    Not the man in my life I know
    And I been going to mystery misses
    I respect the art of the show
    Take back whan you said little girl
    And while you’re at it take yourself back too
    Woman I’m tired sittin here waitin
    whatcha gonna do now, whatcha gonna do about it
    I’m thinkin’ about my doorbell
    When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it
    Yeah, I’m thinkin’ about my doorbell
    When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it oh
    I’m thinkin’ about my doorbell
    When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it
    Yeah, I been thinkin’ about my doorbell
    Oh, yeah
    You don’t seem to come around
    Push your finger and make a sound
    You don’t seem to come around
    Knock knock till you knock it down
    Oh, well
    Make a sound and I’ll make you feel right
    Right at home, yeah
    Yeah, right at home, yeah
    Nobody got ……?
    But how come it’s so easy to you
    You know it’s like me at times I can be careless
    But your words seem so obtuse
    But then again I know you feel guilty
    And you tell me you want me again
    But I don’t need any of your pity
    I got plenty of my own friends
    They’re all above me
    And I’ve been thinkin’ about the doorbell
    When they gonna ring it, when they gonna ring it
    Yeah, I’ve been thinkin’ about the doorbell
    When they gonna ring it, when they gonna ring it oh
    I’ve been thinkin’ about the doorbell
    When they gonna ring it, when they gonna ring it
    Yeah, I been thinkin’ about the doorbell

    Oh, well

    They don’t seem to come around
    Push the finger and make a sound
    They don’t seem to come around
    ??… they’ll knock it down

    Oh, well

    Make a sound and I’ll make you feel right
    Right at home
    Right at home
    I’m thinkin’ about my doorbell
    When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it
    I’m thinkin’ about my doorbell
    When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it
    Yeah, I’m thinkin’ about my doorbell
    When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it
    Yeah, I been thinkin’ about my doorbell
    And when you’re gonna ring it, when you’re gonna ring it
    I’m thinkin’ about my doorbell
    When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it
    Yeah, I’m thinkin’ about my doorbell

    Oh, oh well

  • Millicent

    What about “Get a Job” from way back in the day—-soooo lame!!!

  • Ron Wilson

    Mockingbird Hill
    by Vaugh Horton

    When the sun in the morning peeps over the hill
    And kisses the roses ’round my window sill
    Then my heart fills with gladness when I hear the trill
    Of the birds in the treetops on Mockingbird Hill

    Tra la la twiddely dee dee, it gives me a thrill..

    Convinced yet?

  • Santa Clause

    If “Smells Like Teen Spirit” even has lyrics (which I doubt)it should be included. It’s a tremendous song however just aweful uh… Lyrics (If you can call them that)

  • http://www.rodneywelch.blogspot.com/ Rodney Welch

    You people are so naive. You strip a song down to mere words and then judge it as inferior if it’s not on par with “Ode to a Nightingale.” A lot of great songs have awful lyrics. You all ought to be old enough to know that.

  • mr combs

    Yes, there are a lot of lyrics with “perverted” meanings. But what do you think the words “ROCK & ROLL” refer to?

    As for stupid lyrics, they sell. That fact tells me the majority of people either lack intelligence or refuse to use it when selecting music to purchase.

  • ned samson

    kings of leon is the best band that exists but because of the lead singers illinois drawl the lyrics have no apparent meaning only sound catchy and raw when you hear them
    one example of this is:

    And all the bros
    Try for the girls
    And try to fit you out those tight clothes
    She gotta hide
    And her has is his asshole
    She be botherin me

  • Pernice

    That fine lyric about “the best Soy Latte that you ever had in me” in a song by Train does it for me.

  • Tumshie

    What about this classic (unintentionally?) hilarious verse from a really crap song. The gist of the song is “I’ve got another man, but don’t feel bad about it, it’s not your fault (oh really? thanks!) It’s just that he’s got a bigger dick than you.

    There’s been another man that I’ve needed and I’ve loved
    But that doesn’t mean I love you less
    And he knows he can’t possess me and he knows he never will
    There’s just this empty place inside of me that only he can fill

  • Tumshie

    Sorry, forgot to say. The song is “Torn between two lovers” by Mary MacGregor. It was no 1 on both sides of the pond. A dreadful dirgy tune, whiney vocal and an unbelievably bad lyric

    The song actually inspired a film of the same name, starring Lee Remick

  • Herbert

    What about the Kiss song Dr. Love.

    You need my love baby, oh so bad
    You’re not the only one i’ve ever had
    And if i say i wanna set you free
    Don’t you know you’ll be in misery
    They call me (dr. love)
    They call me dr. love (calling dr. love)
    I’ve got the cure you’re thinkin’ of (calling dr. love)

    And even though i’m full of sin
    In the end you’ll let me in
    You’ll let me through, there’s nothin’ you can do
    You need my lovin’, don’t you know it’s true

    So if you please get on your knees
    There are no bills, there are no fees
    Baby, i know what your problem is
    The first step of the cure is a kiss

    So call me (dr. love)
    They call me dr. love (calling dr. love)
    I am your doctor of love (calling dr. love), ha
    They call me (dr. love), they call me dr. love (calling dr. love)
    I’ve got the cure you’re thinkin’ of (calling dr. love)

    Ooh, they call me (dr. love)
    I am the doctor of love (calling dr. love)
    I’ve got the cure you’re thinkin’ of (calling dr. love)
    Ooh, they call me (dr. love)
    I am your doctor of love (calling dr. love)
    I’ve got the cure you’re thinking of (calling dr. love), yeah
    Yeah, they call me (dr. love)
    They call me dr. love (calling dr. love)
    I’ve got the cure you’re thinkin’ of (calling dr. love)
    Love, love, love, (dr. love)
    Love, love, love, love, (calling dr. love) love dr. love
    (calling dr. love)
    I’ve got the cure you’re thinkin’ (dr. love)
    I’ve got the cure you’re thinkin’ (calling dr. love)
    I’ve got the cure you’re thinkin’ of (calling dr. love)
    They call me dr. love (dr. love)
    They call me dr. love (calling dr. love)
    I’ve got the cure

  • Priya

    I am a huge fan of music as a whole, especially hard rock. In my opinion, lyrics don’t mean everything,; afterall, hard rock tunes aren’t the same without a powerful guitar riff at the top. However, I do believe that songs with the worst lyrics get stuck in your head the fastest. Tremendously irritating. Artists throw trash in your face, then complain about their dropping record sales and condemn people who download music. With titles such as: “My Humps” and “Hollaback Girl”, I wonder sometimes if artists are trying to test my patience, demean my intelligence or prove that they don’t deserve their wealth. When any money-making musician writes poor lyrics and sings ear-pinching tunes like the ones mentioned above, they deserve a slap in the face.

    On that note, here’s ATC’s Around The World:

    The kisses of the sun – Were sweet I didn’t blink
    I let it in my eyes – Like an exotic drink
    The radio playing songs – That I have never heard
    I don’t know what to say – Oh not another word

    Just – la la la la la – It goes around the world
    Just – la la la la la – It’s all around the world
    Just – la la la la la – And everybody’s singing
    La la la la la – And now the bells are ringing

    La la la la la – la la la la la la la – la la la la la – la la la la la la la
    La la la la la – la la la la la la la – la la la la la – la la la la la la la

    Inside an empty room – My inspiration flows
    Now wait to hear the tune – Around my head it goes
    The magic melody – You want to sing with me
    Just la la la la la – the music is the key
    And now the night is gone – Still it goes on and on
    So deep inside of me – I long to set it free
    I don’t know what to do – Just can’t explain to you
    I don’t know what to say – Oh not another word

    Just – la la la la la – It goes around the world
    Just – la la la la la – It’s all around the world
    Just – la la la la la – And everybody’s singing
    La la la la la – And now the bells are ringing

    La la la la la – la la la la la la la – la la la la la – la la la la la la la
    La la la la la – la la la la la la la – la la la la la – la la la la la la la

    The kisses of the sun

    La la la la la – It goes around the world
    Just – la la la la la – It’s all around the world
    Just – la la la la la – And everybody’s singing
    La la la la la – And now the bells are ringing

    La la la la la – la la la la la la la – la la la la la – la la la la la la la
    La la la la la – la la la la la la la – la la la la la – la la la la la la la

    Around – Around – Around the world

  • mat

    this shit was so boring i couldn’t even finish it after the first one i just skimmed to see what other songs you judged and to tell you the turth i am not impressed. I would like to add if you can do better lets hear it but i highly dought that you can be caouse people who critasize normaly are just compisating for talents that they lack

  • Kelis

    Well, My own song, Milk Shake sucks really hard.
    Kelis – Milk Shake -> Worst lyrics ever.

  • Catey

    Hey, I thought it was,
    In the desert… you cahn’t (said like a Brit) remembah yor name,
    Cos there ain’t no one for to give you no name.

    or
    Hold me closah tiny dancah…count tha headlights on tha highway, lay me dahling she’s sub landeddd, you had a face to day to dayyyy

  • Banana Coconut Sunday

    The song “I Need You” by Tim Macgraw and Faith Hill. The chorus is not bad, and the meaning is nice. But the opening i hate.
    It is a love song and it starts out
    “I want to drink that shot of whiskey
    I want to smoke that cigarette
    i want to smell that sweet addiction on my breath”

    Those are the words i want to tell my wife.
    “Hey honey! Im gonna drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes. I need you so much that i need to get drunk before i come home.”

  • timpani

    Okay, I just stumbled across this site, so go ahead and insult what I’m about to say, ’cause I’ll probably never see it.
    First, it bothered me that I liked so many songs on this list…but that’s not a complaint.
    Great job pulling one of Jason Mraz’s songs out and assuming that you wouldn’t want to listen to him, “Wordplay”, “Geek in the Pink” and some of the stuff off of “Waiting for My Rocket to Come” are all very intelligent, in a geeky sort of way.

    At a John Mayer concert I attended he said that he was aware that people were making fun of “Wonderland” and it bothered him at first, but now he doesn’t care.

    Between The Barenaked Ladies and Bowling for Soup you’ll be able to figure out all you need to know about me, because I think they speak the truth about just about everything.

    Red Hot Chili Peppers rock and in several of their songs what seems to the non-creative to be just a stream of nonsensical big words is actually a great story.

    Yes, I know I can’t spell.

    If you want a set of dumb song lyrics to disect try “Honky Tonk Bedonadonk”…
    What does Donkey Kong and slapping your grandma have to do with big butts anyway?

  • SellOutBoy

    “Girlfriend”! Definitely one of THE worst lyrics I’ve ever heard!-right next to “Fergilicious”. UGH!! What’s with these conceited divas? Girlfriend goes like ” ‘Hey hey you you I don’t like your girlfriend no way no way I think you need a new one.’ ” Fergilicious-don’t even get me started-” ‘I blow kisses i’m Fergilicious.’ ” When did lyrics lose their depth and meaning??

  • George Klooney

    [Personal attack deleted] YOu dont know jack SH1t about music or lyrics. And anyone that has ever bashed on meatloaf is by far the biggest dumba$$ ive ever heard of Thanks.

  • Bill

    “It’s a girl my Lord in a flat bed ford slowin’ down to take a look at me ! Cheeziest shit I ever heard !

  • LCC

    Does anyone remember “I’ve Been to Paradise but I’ve Never Been to Me”?

    Ugh–horrible.

  • Listener

    You people have WAY too much time on your hands. Music is meant to entertain the masses, whether or not the lyrics suck. Instead of bashing the gods and goddesses of rock/pop, maybe you should take a look at the ones who never really made it. They’re called “One-Hit-Wonders” for a reason, folks.

  • Apadup

    Anything ever done by that idiot Steve Miller is just plain painful. Anyone who would attempt to rhyme “Texas” with “taxes” is begging for a lobotomy!

  • cliff

    1985

  • Yup.

    Worst: Abra-abra-cadabra, I wanna reach out and grab ya. Makes me wanna reach out and GRAB HIM. How could anyone write such horrible stuff. I can understand reaching for a rhyme when you start out with a good line. But that isn’t a good line and it sure isn’t a good rhyme. Steve Miller Band , I think, right?

  • Rich Giberti

    Really, Really, Really Stupid Lyrics – ya got any? Add to the growing list of misery… by Rich Giberti

    “There were plants and birds and rocks and things”
    –America’s “Horse With No Name”

    Uhuh – dudes, you been smokin’ way too much mary jane. Sounds like you got a-hold of that Tai stick, laced with opium my best friend’s older brother got from a wacked out returning vet in the 70’s. I can just see this band’s lyricist getting started listing what he saw and then just totally spacing out, then coming to and finishing the line with “and things.” Adam and James said you should have seen their first draft; “There were papers, rocks and scissors, man!”

    “Seasons crying no despair, alligator lizards in the air”
    –America’s “Ventura Highway”

    I hate the band America! Of all things for us Venturans to be remembered by…why not Pomona Freeway, or Pasadena Freeway, or even the Victor V. Veysey Expressway – these lyrics discouraged me so much I had to move away from Ventura.

    “Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don’t confuse them with mountains”
    –Shakira’s “Whenever, Wherever”

    Ahh yes, these lyrics really should be on this list. People really like this song; oh wait, they like the video. Shakira’s inclusion of these lyrics are both cleverly and philanthropically a fantastic nod to visit the war-torn Cambodian tourist resort called “Virtuous Woman’s Breast Mountain” (it really exists in Cambodia, but the report is there weren’t enough virtuous woman in America to start a chain). P-Diddy, Snoop Dog and 50 Cent are rumored to be offering guided tours, the ad in High Times reads, “located about 400 Kilometers from Phnom Penh…” Who said today’s artists are all fixated on sex, drugs and money? Not Shakira, you go girl!

    “There’s an insect in your ear, if you scratch, it won’t disappear”
    –U2’s “Staring at the Sun”

    No way, no, no beep beep way. I’m not even going to dignify this song or its syphilitic lyrical offspring by providing a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 running dialogue. I’ll let Bono tell you the best way to fully and completely enjoy his chanté, he provides the answer in the very same song “don’t try too hard to think… don’t think at all.”

    “Coast to coast, L.A. to Chicago”
    –Sade’s “Smooth Operator”

    Lyrics like these are painful, really, ouch, oww, painful. That’s why her fans and followers are called…you got it – sadists. Forgetting for a second the fact that Chicago is not on an ocean coast, it still is a fairly long trip to get from LA (that’s Louisiana in this instance) to the Windy City in time for a Thursday slow dance. If we can but set aside Sade’s being geographically and topographically challenged, this could have been a Beach Boys jam – “yo, Brian, I heard the swell’s killer in Chi-Town, grab your stick and let’s load up the woody now, let’s head to Chicago. Waa waa wipe-out!”

    “Before the cream sits out too long, you must whip it… I say whip it, whip it good.”
    –Devo’s “Whip It”

    Anyone know the name and location of the dude ranch in Arizona where Devo actually saw this act and used it for the song and video inspiration? Honey, repeat after me, “when a problem comes along, you must whip it…” Ahh, I feel much better – who needs a drink or a shrink?

    “You can say that I’m one curly fry in the box of the regular, messing with the flavor oh the flavor that you savor. Saving me for last but you better not eat me at all, living in a fast food bag making friends with the ketchup and salt”
    –Jason Mraz’s “Too Much Food”

    Look at a letter from Jason’s 1st grade teacher: “Dear Mr. And Mrs. Mraz; we are required to inform you that your son is special. He loves the sound of nonsensical rhyming words, and doesn’t appear to live in the same world as his peers. Please find an outlet for him, I would suggest hip-hop, rap or contemporary rhyming.” His rhyming is so awful it leaves me curled up in a corner of the room in a fetal position, banging my head against the wall.

    “Oh tell your Aunt Louise, tell anything you please. Myself already knows that I’m okay. But don’t tell my heart, my achy breaky heart. I just don’t think it’d understand”
    –Billy Ray Cyrus’s “Achy Breaky Heart”

    Myself already knows? Dear ghost of rednecks past – no wonder Miley (who legally changed her name to Miley) is schizophrenic and wants to be somebody, anybody other than who she is.

    “You’re so vain you probably think this song is about you. You’re so vain I bet you think this song is about you. Don’t you? Don’t you? Don’t you?”
    –Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain”

    A version that made sense would have to go along the lines of: You’re so vain that, even if this song wasn’t actually about you, which it is, you would probably think that it was. Not as catchy, but no longer batspit insane.

    “I look at the floor, and I see it needs sweeping. Still my guitar gently weeps.”
    –The Beatles’ “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”

    Really? Why did his guitar weep? Was George so stoned that he picked up his guitar and used it to sweep the floor? To be honest, this is a great melodic Beatles song, which is one of those weird things everyone experiences, like a favorite pizza topping, or a favorite failed TGIF show. However, If George was too busy swapping wives with Eric Clapton to clean or create a coherent rhyme scheme, that’s his problematic legacy.

    “Obla-di, obla-da…”
    –The Beatles’ ‘Obli-di Obli-da?’

    Obla-oh-never-mind! The Beatles proved conclusively that there were two things they could not do: play reggae and feign enjoyment. “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da” was a ska track recorded at a point during the White Album sessions when the Beatles would happily have beaten one another to death if only they had had some clubs on hand. Worst Moment? The woefully unconvincing laughter in the final line: “If you want some fun — heh-heh-heh-heh! — take ob-la-di-bla-da!”

    “Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
    Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday.
    Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.
    I am the eggman (woo), they are the eggmen (woo), I am the walrus,
    Coo coo, kachoo.”
    –The Beatles’ “I am the Walrus”

    Oh man, if you ever want to demystify the 60’s and the whole “turn on, tune in, drop out” era, go back and read the lyrics from the Liverpool boys. These blokes make Brooks and Dunn look positively Shakespearean. Now let’s go boot scootin’ boogie…

    “He wear no shoeshine he got toe-jam football” or maybe

    “He bag production he got walrus gumboot”, no? or maybe

    “He got ono sideboard he one spinal cracker
    He got feet down below his knee
    Hold you in his armchair you can feel his disease
    Come together right now over me”
    –The Beatles’ “Come Together”

    This gem was written during the infamous “Sleep-in” with Lennon & Ono. Nothing good could have ever come from a tumble in bed with either Yoko Ono, Timothy Leary and/or politics. You know, after being stuck so long in the same room (let alone the same bed) with Yoko, John must have called Leary and asked him to bring over the LSD. After meeting Yoko, Leary decided to turn himself in to the police, he was subsequently jailed and never ran for office under his slogan “Come Together.” The world indeed was a better place.

    “I don’t want to see a ghost, It’s the sign that I fear most, I’d rather have a piece of toast.”
    –Des’ree’s “Life”

    A piece of toast!? What the… !? I’m scared of ghosts too, but a piece of toast – is toast to ghosts, like garlic to vampires? I know werewolves got all crazy from grains that grew fungi (Ergot poisoning) that turned into hallucinogens…but toast?

    “Where you gone for tomorrow?
    Where you gone with the mask I found?
    And I feel and I feel when the dogs begin to smell her,
    Will she smell alone?”
    –Kurt Cobain’s “Anything”

    Where you gone for? Whoa! I’m glad I only did heroin once and settled on coke.

    “I want to ride my bicycle
    I want to ride my bike
    I want to ride my bicycle
    I want to ride it where I like…”
    –Queen’s “Bicycle Race”

    Tsk, tsk Brian May, how could you, a modern poet, be a party to this tripe? By the late 70’s I came to expect Freddie “Cliché” Mercury to rip off artists, but ripping off Arlo Guthrie’s “I don’t want a pickle, I just want to ride my motorcycle” – couldn’t you have found a decent song to jack? At least Led Zeppelin had the good sense to rip off great tunes, from the old time great folk and blues artists; When the Levy Breaks, In My Time of Dying, Custard Pie, Dazed and Confused, Babe I’m Gonna Leave You, Gallows Pole, I Can’t Quit You Baby, Bring it on Home – Oh Willy Dixon and Muddy Waters, where have you gone?

    “Your hair/It’s everywhere”
    –Dashboard Confessional’s “Screaming Infidelities

    I don’t care how you think about this line, it’s gross and weird in every context possible. Even in the context of the song, which is about a painful breakup, it’s creepy.

    “Well, I am just a monkey man, I’m glad you are a monkey woman too”
    –The Rolling Stones’ “Monkey Man”

    I bet you didn’t know this was written as the theme to Planet of the Apes? Having trouble placing this song? Imagine you’re in a dentist’s chair with a 10-inch steel drill about to bore into your molars when this non-Muzak classic pipes in through the office speakers. The singer sounds like he could be your cross-dressing, patchouli-scented sixth-grade science teacher, whispering politely about being in love with you. Then the Monkey Man refrain sets in. Then you pray for the sweet, sweet relief of the drill.

    “Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto. For doing the jobs that nobody wants to… Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto”
    –Styx’s “Mr. Roboto”

    Forwards, backwards, it still sounds stupid. You know that jerk in your school who could burp the alphabet? That’s what this song is like, burp burp burp mr. roboto.

    “Uga chacka uga uga uga chacka”
    –B.J. Thomas’ “Hooked on a Feeling”

    If you want really classic lyrics, you must go back to the 70’s and listen to B.J. Thomas’s (I just love saying his name) “Hooked on a Feeling.” Here come the lyrics again, are you ready for this…? “Uga chacka uga uga uga chacka. Uga uga uga chacka. Uga chacka uga uga uga chacka. Uga uga uga chacka…” Really, it does that for ten seconds before normal lyrics start. And it’s a great song, wink wink, tongue in cheek. Check out Hooked on a Feeling when some friends (who are totally altered) are over for karaoke, and get ready to Facebook tag them.

    Oh there’s more, much, much more – but I’m tired and my family is leering at me and leaning in the direction of making a phone call, oh wait, I hear Noelopan VIX (aka Jerry Samuels) at the door! !aaaH-aH ,yawA eM ekaT oT gnimoC er’yehT”.

    By Richard Giberti

  • CP

    Hilarious article. Thoroughly enjoyed it Although Axl was referring to “faggots” in “spread some fucking diesease” ie: AIDS.

    I am a huge GnR fan but this was always a terrible, incoherent and offensive song.

  • slamminman8

    Trogdor by Strong Bad! The song with the tune only makes it worse(If you listen to it good luck having ears left by the end!)
    Here is the lyrics:

    Trogdor!

    Trogdor!

    Trogdor was a man

    I mean, he was a dragon man

    Or maybe he was just a dragon

    But he was still Trogdor!

    Trogdor!

    Trogdor!

    Burninating the countryside,

    Burninating the peasants

    Burninating all the peoples

    And their thatched-roof cottages!
    Thatched-roof cottages!

    Whoa, this has wicked dueling guitar solos

    It’s like squeedly versus meedley over here

    Go squeedly!

    Go squeedly!!

    Squeedly wins!!!

    When all the land is in ruins

    And burnination has forsaken the countryside

    Only one guy will remain

    My money’s on

    Trogdor!

    Trogdor!

    And the Trogdor comes in the night . . .

  • Spurwing Plover

    BIG YELLOW TAZI i absolutly cant stand listening to that ding-pat catterwalling that stupid eco-crap song,JUNKFOOD JUNKIE that jerk should be buried alive in wheatgerm,Anything by BOBBY GOLDSBUGH,DOG & BUTTERFLY

  • ovcma

    My all-time worst lyric is from Chaka Khan’s “Feel For You”, … which, I think, was the catalyst for the infernal craze in which rappers must insert their own names into their songs… that is, if you can even call them “songs.”

  • http://drdreadful.blogspot.com Dr Dreadful

    Any random (and I do mean random) English lyric by Clannad:

    When it’s gone and you want it so badly
    A game of love is a two way street
    And from above there comes inspiration
    Darkest clouds will disappear

    Take it down put it in your diary
    Come around to the pleasant side
    Put it down to another experience
    Come around to the other side

    Fallen words from a broken framework
    Touching hearts scribbled on a street
    And from above here comes inspiration
    Darkest clouds will disappear

    Take it down put it in your diary
    Come around to the pleasant side
    Put it down to another experience
    Come around to the other side

    ‘The Other Side’

    I like to give them the benefit of the doubt because English not their first language, but I have a nasty feeling that their Irish lyrics make just as little sense.

  • Robin Stevens

    worst lyric ever? the one that really makes my skin crawl is the triple negative in “horse with no name” by america… “in the desert you can remember your name ’cause there ain’t no one for to give you no pain.” nobody is that illiterate.

  • brenda

    so retarded

  • http://texshelters.wordpress.com/ Tex Shelters

    Anything by the Black Eye Peas could be on the list.

    Sacrilege follows: You have to admit that “Whole Lotta Love” by Led Zeppelin is pretty lame lyrically.

    I always took “Two out of three” by Meatloaf as a satire, so it never bothered me. I think it’s funny.

    Oh yea, what about “Yummy, yummy, yummy I’ve got love in my tummy” ugh!

    Peace,
    Tex Shelters

  • Oli487

    Is it not ironic that none of the situations Alanis writes of are ironic? No? Just saying…

  • cranly

    Give her inches and feed her well is from Rock You Like A Hurricane by The Scorpions. That lyric almost ruins the song for me. So dumb.

  • KB

    You lost me at John Mayer..

  • John Lake

    This is a really interesting article. Song lyrics are a major part of my life, and I’m certainly not the only one. However, as irrational as the words are, I nearly cry at MacArthur Park Someone left a cake out in the rain…

    And I love the rodent porn (the very lines you quoted)

    “And they whirled and they twirled and they tangoed
    Singin’ and jingin’ the jango
    Floatin’ like the heavens above
    It looks like muskrat love”

    But seriously, what a great idea for an article!

  • devo

    In the meatload song, i always read the two out of three part as the girl saying that to him, not him saying that to her. and that makes a bit of a difference, he loves her, and she doesnt love him but enjoys the sex, and she is saying to him, well you got two out of three and that aint so bad.. I think also you missed the point of falling down, and you know micheal douglas even says it at the end “i am the bad guy” you are sort of supposed to root for him, he starts as almost an everyman, but his anger gets the best of him and he turns down the dark path, the crazy neo nazi is right when he says they are the same. Like you however i miss the days when sexual innuendo was subtle, but those days are long gone

  • trevsonic

    i think the author is way off the mark in many of these. ill put him in my top 10 stupidest articles

  • Alison Aly Paige Newitt

    Interesting article idea. I think genre is important here. You could also have top 10 worst lyrics in every genre. If theres was a classic rock category, Rosalita wins hands down for me

  • RickTheRocker

    Pretty much every America song ever written. Great melodies, well produced, excellent musicianship, professionally done; worst body of song lyrics that I can think of in the entire collective library of published, recorded music over the the past two generations. I challenge anyone to describe a single theme, story line, plot, objective or cohesive idea of any America song? Most surprisingly, the overall style is not the type of music that renders the lyrics inconsequential, like, say, techno or disco, where it really doesn’t matter. America’s style is deliberately folksy, purposely arranged and produced to highlight, actually enhance the vocals and lyrics. Which means that someone with little or no literary skills or background actually thinks it’s good. How embarrassing.

    • Copland35

      I have this idea of their manager at a record company meeting saying,
      ” Well, yeah they do have a unique selling point. A radical, subversive use of lyrics. They use them to leave you conflicted. You know, should I laugh? Will I be the only one laughing? Should I cry?
      For instance, pigeon Fred came to a sad end but, man this guy would’ve had to be a mean shot. C’mon who wouldn’t sing about that and; To save paper, they write something simplistic and then they repeat, repeat, repeat until you’ve got how pointless it is in the first place. See! Radical and Subversive. ”

      Those guys could really play and their arrangements are often amongst the best. I believe that they actually set out to be a parody of Crosby Stills and Nash. The twelve year old school dunce they were paying ten cents a song was the comic genius in the set up.

      Horse With No Name is an unfinished idea but it is the level of lyric writing they should have aimed for. It still has atmosphere and magic aplenty. Imagine them with an album full of lyrics as engaging as that one.

  • Christina

    I think the worst lyrics ever written is the song by Heart, “All I want to do is make love to you”. Every time I hear the song I cringe. Basically a woman gets with a stranger who she picks up in her car with the sole purpose of getting herself up the duff because the man she is in love with is apparently sterile.
    She goes to a hotel which she “knows well”. This is something that she does quite often it would seem. I feel for her poor unsuspecting sterile husband.
    Then the stranger and her make love all night; “love like strangers”, it’s the best type of love isn’t it? Her husband is probably sterile because he caught gonorrhoea or some other nasty off her. Anyway, the stranger is some kind of magical love making genius/sex God because he makes her orgasm “so many times, easily’. This genius love making sex God just happened to be hitchhiking on the side of the road with no wet weather gear and is apparently homeless and probably has a mental illness at the very least or at the very worst he’s a psychopathic serial killer. But this does not enter the woman’s head who’s biological clock is ticking so she must “plant the seed”.
    After the deed is done, she writes him a note saying that they “walked in the garden and planted a seed”. Tell me, how the hell does she know she’s pregnant the morning after? It’s just ridiculous and is bordering on the idiotic.
    Then a few years later, their paths cross and the woman see’s the stranger who is the father to her child. He recognises his “own eyes” in the child????? Is that possible??? And how and why would he remember a woman who he had a one off shag with several years ago when it was dark and raining and the woman didn’t even know his name? And the poor sterile unsuspecting husband of the woman thinks the child is his own. That could get tricky if the child needs a blood transfusion and they do a cross match and they find out the child has a very rare blood group which neither of the parents have…..
    Details. Don’t get bogged down with details.
    To sum up, the lyrics are very corny and the whole premise is like something out of a very bad daytime soap.