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Timmy’s gone missing!

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Another tragic moment at my work the other day… I work as an assistant manager at an upscale gas station located right at the bottom of one of Portland’s numerous Snob Hills… Portland is one of the wealthiest cities in America… At last count 32,000 millionaires – nearly twice as many as Austin, TX. So… Yes there are upscale gas stations…

Anyway, this sad event didn’t get picked up by the media. It never does really. Once in awhile the Weekly World News will try and warn people about this but no one, least of all the writers there actually believe anything their writing…

The tragedy… Another child and dog lost… In the back of a Ford Excursion SUV. It was in Bay 12, way in the hell out there to begin with. It was Tommy McNash that spotted the frantic signaling of the mother and father first.

“Ahhggh! It looks like we’ve got ourselves another ‘ne gone missin’ sir!” Before I could say a thing Tommy was off like a shot.

When I finally caught up to the crazy and somewhat younger Scotsman he was already climbing up into the back seat, binoculars in hand, peering over the head rests.

“What the hell happened?!” I asked, turning on the parents. They both wilted under my gaze. Finally the father said:

“We only turned our back for a second! Little Timmy was playing with our Irish Setter…” At that McNash scoffed. “Irish! Aye! I shoulda known they’d be in the mess!” The mother blinked. “It’s a dog! You know, an Irish Setter!?” McNash stared at them until they began to fidget.
“That’s what they’d have ya think, wouldn’t they now! It makes no never mind lass… Even the word Irish can cause ya trouble!” I felt a mild pity for these idiot yuppies. I don’t know why… I had eaten a lot of bran that morning, mainly because…

“I’m goin’ in sir!” Before I could grab Tommy’s safety vest he was over the side and off into the vast territory that makes up the cargo area of the Excursion. There was a quiet that descended on us there for the moment. I tried to spot Tommy and his bright yellow vest but he was already to deep into the Excursion’s deep interior. I turned to the parents. The mother’s eyes were wide, tears beginning to well up…

“Do you think… Do you think it’ll be long? I’ve got a pilates class in twenty minutes?!”

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About Marlowe

  • Too funny – I don’t have to worry about losing my kids in my Pontiac Vibe 5Dr hatchback


  • andy marsh

    I knew Excursions were big…but DAMN!!!

    gotta watch out for those irish, aye…