Ah, America, such a land of contradictions. We celebrate and we destroy, redeem and forget. I remember when I first heard of the Tiger Woods scandal. The first thought that crossed my mind was that he had solved a nagging question I had for as long as he has been dominating golf: what does Tiger do at night, you know, between rounds? Is he hanging with friends? How does he release tension from all of that intense concentration? He plays with such laser focus. At last I know. I don’t have to wait for his Inside Golf book.
The image of Tiger with a big cigar fistbumping Jordan and Barkley around a poker table, surrounded by physically augmented America geishas tending to them, is a little hard for me to accept though. With such a clean-cut brand as Tiger’s it’s a little like seeing a 10-year-old wearing dad’s pants and shoes. Imagining him chasing women around a hotel room has a frat-boy angle to it. No harm, no foul.
The notion that a hundred millionaire should enjoy himself in this way is fine with me. My guess is that the overwhelming majority of men upon hearing of the Tiger saga smiled, at least inside. Move along, nothing new here. It’s the stuff of fantasies centuries old. Like there’s another reason for working your ass off to earn all that money and celebrity. As if! The question of history and legacy is trivial here too. The Bill Clinton silliness is nearly forgotten and all we have left is the dim memory of the legendary Fatty Arbuckle sensation. At least for those of us old enough to have heard about it. So go for it, Tiger. Drop this sex addiction cover, for men aren’t buying it and women aren’t your target audience. Enjoy yourself. Release tension however you need to with consenting adults while playing at the highest level of your profession. At least half the population understands where you’re coming from.
But there is this one other thing. There’s a rumor out that you paid one of your playmates $10 million to keep things quiet. Evidently you negotiated this one yourself and didn’t let your agent handle it. See, this is a problem because you’re raising the threshold for millions of hard-working guys around the globe in similar circumstances. With Kobe and the ring it was easy. With jewelry the range of acceptable giftage is as wide as the prices. But over a million dollars and you put us in a difficult position. This mistake will probably pass but in the future, please, defer to the experts and stick to golf and men everywhere will stick with you.