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Three Things The World Would Be Better Off Without

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The Dog Fanny Pack – If putting your dog in your purse is out, what’s in?  At roundtable discussions somewhere, some handbag designer (most likely from New Jersey) decided to pitch her idea for a dog fanny pack.  In a move of corporate lunacy, she wasn’t laughed out of the room.  Let’s call her Rita (because giving her a name helps me focus my derision).  Rita has opened up a whole new level of consumer hell. 

People lose their souls over products like this.  What happened to walking your dog?  Why did it have to be updated?  It worked the way it was.  All you needed was a leash.  You got some exercise and so did your dog.  Not anymore.  Don’t come crying to me when the pooch version of Biggest Loser airs next season.

slotMusic – I walked into Best Buy a couple of months ago and started browsing through the music section.  I rounded the corner to head down the next aisle when I saw Secure Digital (SD) cards racked up.  They seemed out of place until I looked a little closer.  They had all been loaded with music.  You could buy a chip, take it home, and you had music to download to your computer.

On the surface it seems like a good idea, but in fact it’s sucking the life out of music.  It used to be that you could buy a record (admittedly, this is a little bit before my time).  That record would have cover art.  It would have a lyrics sheet with more art.  It was big, too.  You could survey that album cover and no detail was too small to notice. Then came CDs.  You got better quality sound, but you sacrificed the size of the lyrics sheet and the art. 

With slotMusic, there is no art – just card.  Granted, there’s art on the chip, supposedly, but that’s just cold.  Anyone want to choose looking at an image of the Mona Lisa on their computer over seeing the original?  Why not just download the music from iTunes?  The beauty of digital music is that you don’t have to leave your home to get it.  Now, thanks to slotMusic, I can spend gas to buy something that I could just as easily get with a click of my mouse.

Xanadu – It’s always in fashion to gut Xanadu.  Never mind that it has been 20-plus years since it was made.  The 1980s suffered through some horrendous movies.  Their flagship was Xanadu.  I confess I’ve never actually seen Xanadu.  You don’t need a nose to know that a skunk stinks.  Just look at everybody else’s face when they smell one.  I’ve seen a lot of movies, and I’ll watch a lot more.  Some are wretched like The Toxic Avenger II; yet, there are movies I will never allow myself to endure.  Xanadu is on that short list, and that’s why the world would be better without it.

In these times of financial uncertainty, let’s all come together and spend our money less frivolously on things that have some redeeming value.  Don’t buy a Dog Fanny Pack.  Don’t but slotMusic.  Don’t buy Xanadu.

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About Luke Johnson

  • Good choices, all three.

  • “I confess I’ve never actually seen Xanadu”

    Then what’s the problem?

  • I guess the problem is I don’t want others smelling skunks.