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THF: Yes, Pitchers Win Silver Sluggers Too

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A partial transcript of this week’s Treehouse Fort:
Tuffy: Tom Watson stood atop the leaderboard’s peak at the British Open going into the final round Sunday. When asked how he managed the feat, the 59-year-old mumbled something about Chris Evert being the Annie Savoy of the Champions Tour and shuffled back to the practice green.
Suss: The American League again won the MLB All-Star Game in St. Louis by the score of 4-3, putting the National League win drought at 13 years. As part of MLB’s new “It Counts” policy, Stan Musial’s Hall-of-Fame plaque will have a Yankees hat airbrushed onto it.
Tuffy: Prince Fielder took the All-Star Game’s Home Run Derby crown. To celebrate, Fielder will follow in the footsteps of celebrities like Pamela Anderson and Alicia Silverstone and pose mostly nude in a PETA ad. He will only wear tighty whities and a batting helmet with “Meat is Murder” etched into the side. This will not only prevent the consumption of meat but all food consumption ever.
Suss: Former running back Travis Henry was sentenced to three years in prison for his part in a cocaine trafficking ring. He avoided paying a $4 million fine because of his 11 children with 10 mothers made him unable to afford it, plus his manuscript for Cheaper By The Dozen III was turned down by studios.
Tuffy: Lance Armstrong continues to stay a few seconds behind the yellow jersey at the Tour de France. Oddsmakers at Betfair in the UK have now added a prop bet at 2,000-1 that Lance will win the event when he finally lightens his racing load just enough to regain those crucial seconds by riding the final time trial without his ego in tow.
Suss: And finally, TMZ is reporting that Florida quarterback Tim Tebow is currently without a girlfriend. When asked why not, Tebow simply replied, “You’ll never see any guy in this entire country try as hard to find a girl as I will try the rest of the dating season. You will never see someone push his libido as hard as I will push it the rest of the season. You will never see a group of guys try harder than we will the rest of the season. God bless.”
Charlie Doherty’s “What Were They Thinking?”
Antoine Walker, for having $800,000 in gambling debt, then getting arrested at a Nevada casino bar
Deadspin and the blogosphere, for posting/linking to the Erin Andrews naked video
Jeremy Mayfield, for allegedly failing a 2nd drug test (after fighting a first), then calling her stepmother a whore and accusing her of murdering his father
Dutch gymnast Yuri van Gelder, for being banned two years for cocaine use
Mike Hampton, for missing his own glove, not calling timeout, and allowing a run to score
poll by twiigs.com

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About Suss

  • Add Tuffy to the “who wasn’t thinking” list. That Chris Evert “joke” is tasteless and unfunny.

  • How so? Chris Evert began dating Norman when they were both married to other people, and a month after they wed, Norman almost won last year’s Open. Works on so many levels.