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THF: Of Gerrymandering And Jerrymathering

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Suss: After much anticipation, the No. 1 seeds in Mr. McGregor’s garden will be potatoes, corn, wheat, and carrots. College horticulturalists are outraged by some of the seeding, placing radishes above turnips and okra before soybeans. Most surprisingly, in the Midwest region, he put the cart before the horse. After all the seeding was done, Peter Rabbit has the clearest path to the Farmable Four.

Tuffy: Those teams believed to have been shunned by the NCAA tourney selection committee include Virginia Tech, Mississippi State, and Xavier, whose Blue Blob mascot was bumped in favor of the cast of The Hurt Locker.

Suss: Twins closer Joe Nathan is in danger of requiring Tommy John surgery to fix his torn ulnar collateral ligament. Experts say the injury occurred when Nathan kept hitting refresh on Ozzie Guillen’s Twitter account.

Tuffy: Brady Quinn joined the Second Chance Quarterback Brigade in Denver as the Cleveland Browns flipped the former Notre Dame star to the Broncos for bits of lint and the random fullback. Denver officials, though, may be trying to undo the trade now that they have heard Quinn’s nickname is “Mile Wide.” not “Mile High.”

Suss: Major League Soccer players voted overwhelmingly in favor of striking if a new collective bargaining agreement is not reached by the next season. Among their demands, they want more guaranteed money, a better free agent system, and to expand the Beckham Rule, allowing each team captain to have their own Spice Girl.

Tuffy: Finally, Tiger Woods is rumored to be returning to his job at the Masters. The final decision may have been made for him today when he kept asking his wife what she thought of all the seeds.

Charlie Doherty’s “What Were They Thinking?”

Quarterback Derek Anderson, for saying the Browns “don’t deserve a winner” after releasing him

University of Oregon quarterback Jeremiah Masoli, for being charged with burglary

Ex-Cubs outfielder Milton Bradley, for suggesting team sent him hate mail in ‘09

Angels outfielder Torii Hunter, for calling black Latino baseball players “imposters”

Serie A, for suspending a coach based on a blasphemic expletive

Islanders owner Charles Wang, for suggesting expansion the NHL include all teams in the playoffs

An unnamed curling fan, for getting ejected from the U.S. Curling Nationals on the first day

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