A partial transcript of this week’s Treehouse Fort:
Tuffy: Florida’s Tim Tebow left Saturday’s tilt against Kentucky with a concussion. University officials deny the brain injury came after a head-butting contest with Conan O’Brien Friday.
Suss: Tebow showed signs of improvement on Sunday morning, but then again lost consciousness that afternoon when he asked who won the Lions-Redskins game.
Tuffy: The MLB season nears conclusion with relatively few openings in the playoffs still available; the Cardinals clinched the NL Central and the Dodgers claimed another playoff spot this week. In preparation for a relatively subdued final two weeks, TBS has slightly modified sister station TNT’s motto for itself. “TBS: We know a guy that knows drama from a yoga class that guy used to attend a year or so ago.”
Suss: Chicago Bears defensive tackle Anthony Adams wrote in a Chicago Tribune sports blog that the team fines players $20 for passing gas during film sessions. A spokesperson for the Bears confirmed that shitting the bed on Sundays is free.
Tuffy: After a week of hearing that the Detroit Lions have to win sometime, they finally did so against the Redskins 19-14 on Sunday. No word on whether the celebratory parade in Detroit for their first win in nearly two years will interrupt President Nader’s address to Congress.
Suss: And finally, some sad news. New York Times columnist William Safire passed away at the age of 79. He is survived by two run-on sentences and three comma splices.
Charlie Doherty’s “What Were They Thinking?”
• Binghamton basketball player Emanuel Mayben, for allegedly possessing/selling cocaine
• The Russian soccer fan who ran out during a game to score a penalty kick
• Tennessee basketball coach Bruce Pearl for his “inappropriate” off-the-cuff rural area joke at fundraiser
• Cowboys OT Flozell Adams for, tripping/kicking Giants defenders Justin Tuck and Osi Umenyiora
• Washington Redskins rookie LB Robert Henson, calling fans “dim wits” on Twitter
• Formula One’s Team Renault, receiving a 2-year suspension for ordering a driver to crash in ’08 Singapore Grand Prix race