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THF: Long Gray Bearded People Need Not Apply

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This week on the Treehouse Fort:

Suss: The Olympic Ceremony kicked off the 2010 games in Vancouver on Friday night. The only hiccup in the ceremony was when one of the Olympic torch pillars failed to rise from the floor. When later interviewed, the fourth pillar, a devout Islam, said he was too weak to get up because of fasting.

Tuffy: Saturday’s NBA All-Star Game festivities included what many are now calling the worst and most damaging slam dunk competition since the Dunkin’ Donuts Invitational left six competitors with second-degree burns from coffee splashes.Suss: After months of no interest, Johnny Damon is being courted by the Tigers, White Sox, and Braves. Because of his ability to start bidding wars out of thin air, Scott Boras has been hired by the IOC to represent the 2018 Winter Games.

Tuffy: The Daytona 500 was marred by holes opening up in the track designated for re-pavement after this year. Two red flags threatened to push the finish of the race into nightfall or truncation. NASCAR began to fear for the safety of its drivers when Tony Stewart began hovering over the largest hole with Danica Patrick chained to him in a bikini.

Suss: Fred Morrison, the inventor of the Frisbee, passed away in his home at the age of 90. In accordance with his will, his body will remain stuck under some other sports equipment in the garage.

Tuffy: Olympic coverage from NBC continues, though results are not available as of broadcast time as NBC only releases video of competition delayed for prime time viewing so results can be delivered in the following week’s The National newspaper as delivered by Pony Express. Which still makes it more timely than the Treehouse Fort.

Charlie Doherty’s “What Were They Thinking?”

Raptors mascot: Pretending to “devour” a Nets cheerleader:

“Barefoot Burglar” Colton Harris-Moore: stealing and flying a plane into Olympic airspace

Ex-Maryland basketball player Juan Dixon: suspended indefinitely by FIBA after testing positive for steroids

Maple Street Press: Printing a Derrek Lee/Cubs cover photo that spells “Anal” instead of “Annual”

John Calipari and John Wall: taking photo for SLAM Magazine with misspelled “Kentcuky” shirt

Welsh rugby player Andy Powell: stole a golf cart and failed a breathalyzer

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