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These Pants

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i’ve done everything possible
there is to do in these pants
except make love
i’ve slept in them
i’ve crept in them
i’ve done downward dog in ’em
i’ve mourned in them
i’ve laughed in them
i’ve gone to town in ’em
i’m the little piggy
who went to market inum
then stayed home inum,
had the roast beef inum
(didn’t like it)
later had none inum
ya hear—i ain’t gettin’ any,

and it’s making me cry “wee, wee, wee”
all the way home inum
i think i’ve even gotten slippery in ’em
and i know i’ve done the crawling
king snake in ’em
but it ain’t, i say no it’ ain’t
the same as makin’ love
so i’ve got no choice
but to put on a dress
’cause I may have pranced in them
been entranced in them
caught your eye in them
and tried to romance in them
i swear i’ve whispered your name
from the inside of ’em
but I haven’t made love in them yet
and that’s just not workin’ for me

For more fore(word)play visit Sleepwalkers’ Glory.

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About mpho

  • http://cowbells.blogspot.com Anon

    cute cute cute!!!

  • http://paperfrigate.blogspot.com DrPat

    Contemplating the impossibility of making love to a woman wearing trousers… And how poetically mpho expresses that simple (and devastating) drawback to an otherwise wonderful garment!

  • http://wp.blogcritics.org willie boy

    Clever. And dare I say, it’s kinda cute.

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    Depends what your definition of “making love” is, DrPat.

    If we use the older definition, such as found in the novels of Jane Austen, making love is an elegant activity of words and gestures calculated to prepare the other person to respond in the affirmative to a proposal of marriage. As that barely even requires touching the other person, it is quite possible to enjoy success even if the other person is wearing trousers.

    Success may also be possible by other definitions of the phrase, but now that the mode of Jane Austen has taken over this comment, all the others suddenly seem far too vulgar to contemplate, much less discuss in the level of detail necessary for bringing such a question to a satisfying climax.

  • http://wp.blogcritics.org ALehm

    oh! oh! I LOVED your poem! it made me smile and frown – I can identify, and it makes me want to help take care of this little problem…what d’ya say?

  • http://wp.blogcritics.org bstani

    well, let’s ask the author! what’s your definition of “making love,” mpho? and as inquiring minds want to know, it seems as if you’ve got at least one offer of assistance. will you take it? is this a cry for help or are you the girl (i guess we’re assuming) who cried wolf?

  • http://wp.blogcritics.org medicineball

    too cute for a man to have written!

  • http://paperfrigate.blogspot.com DrPat

    Victor, mpho makes a clear distinction between “romancing” and “making love,” and so do I.

    As for other physical expressions of love or lust, how do you interpret

    i think i’ve even gotten slippery in ’em
    and i know i’ve done the crawling
    king snake in ’em
    but it ain’t, i say no it’ ain’t
    the same as makin’ love

  • http://www.bossstudios.com pboss

    I LOVE IT!!

  • Tristan

    why do you think they put zippers & flys in pants ANYWAYS !!!!

    I’ve made love in pants with partners wearing pants and she didn’t have a bit of trouble not removing them as we did what we did…….

    Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…………….

    Spongebob Squarepants can probably attest to this fact also!!!!!

  • http://www.ronfaur.com the ron

    Victor sounds like he’s not gettin’ any

  • Bennett

    First poem I’ve read on BC that I actually liked. Great job mpho.

  • http://cowbells.blogspot.com mpho

    oh, the hoopla. who knew?? to be honest, i wrote it during a recent weekend trip when i was a little light on a change of clothing. drpat put the deep spin on it, which, of course, i meant, but i also meant to poke fun at myself and my recent ahem shall we say “dry spell.” they say laughter’s the best medicine, right?

    if it wasn’t autobiographical and the speaker’s gender was unknown, sure, that opens it up to different interpretations. for the record i’m of the female persuasion. and while i agree with Tristan, that one can do a lot with your clothes on–and sometimes its more fun that way–sometimes zippers and buttons just get in the way. But saying so, also sidesteps the issue of gender/orientation politics. I guarantee you that whether we’re talking male-female or butch-femme dichotomies, a woman in a dress is received quite differently than a woman in slacks.

    Alehm’s offer of assistance is very galant, perhaps even in a victorian way, which should satisfy victor. whether or not i follow up should be left to the imagination, don’t you think bstani?

  • http://wp.blogcritics.org kenny

    Oh, my goodness!!!

    If she wants to help, let her. The question is: Is she ready to do everything that’s necessary?

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    Ah, subtle humor, so often misunderstood. A hazard of genius, one might say.

    Definitely a great poem mpho. And to your later comment:

    “…a woman in a dress is received quite differently than a woman in slacks.”

    I say, vive la difference!

    (footnote to “the ron”: I’m saving myself for someone worthy of my charms. I doubt that’s gonna be you, but I thank you for your inquiry nonetheless, and bid you good day.)

  • http://wp.blogcritics.org anon

    I love it. Where can I get me a pair of those?

  • http://www.iamtiny.com E

    Hi, I loved the poem. It was fun, naughty and so you. You my dear have a gift for words that’s me envious.

  • http://wp.blogcritics.org FltcoatRet

    Awesome post!!!!!

  • Bennett

    Pardon?

  • Bennett

    Hey, don’t leave me hangin’ with that one word comment! :-]

    FYI it was an answer to a attack post that did’t need to be on the hot list, or the last post to this thread.

    I love the poem. “Gettin slippery in ’em” is too hot to handle. Thanks for that.

  • http://wp.blogcritics.org anon

    hey that’s an awesome poem…. who are you?

  • http://wp.blogcritics.org soyboy

    get down on it & shake it like you want it-in those pants of course!