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THERE’S WHITE… THEN THERE’S DICK CHENEY WHITE

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It is true, I feel, that White people have a lot to answer for in the world. I’m not talking political correctness crap here… But the world’s been in our hands for the past several centuries and a lot of grief has been brought about due to our lack of maturity…

However, to my darker brothers and sisters around the world I feel I need to explain something…

There are two kinds of White people in the world. The bulk of White people are your average hard working, wish-there-were-more-3-day-weekends, can I get a cold beer here kind of folk. Really no different from you. Just trying to make it through the day. Just trying to duck the boss. Just wondering if the bank account is already overdrawn and the power is still on at the house and where the hell are the kids…

But there is another kind of White folk. The scary ones. Ones like Dick Cheney… Actually Dick is the (current) chairman of the MWFLU, (Mighty White Folk Like Us). These are the White folk that cause all the grief…

Wal-Mart was started Mighty White Folk. For those who don’t have a Wal-Mart squatting over your neighborhood (and I think only the people in McMurdo Bay, Antarctica have escaped this) do NOT enter one of these monstrosities. You’ve seen the commercials perhaps. You’ll end up speaking with a southern drawl and getting choked up over a red, white and blue beach towel while clutching (and it sickens me to write this) the Rascal Flatts (a country boy band – the very definition of anathema) newest CD to your chest.

McDonalds was started by MWF. Enough said. Ms. L, if you’re running by there pick me up a double Quarter Pounder with cheese, $1 fry aaaaannndd… a diet coke, would ya?

Poly Ester was a MWF and went on to unleash a plague upon the world and had the gall to name it after herself… Later on, having gotten pregnant during a heated liaison with Latex she gave birth to Britney Spears, who, being mostly plastic doesn’t quite qualify as a MWF. Despite her parents serious connections Britney can only orbit the periphery of the MWF galaxy… This, coupled with the fact that Britney, tragically, is unable to get wet has led to a great deal of Britney’s acting out of late…

Curious George (not that monkey but THE Monkey currently at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave) is not one of the MWF. He was actually found under the back porch of Geo. Bush senior’s house in Kennebunkport, Maine. DNA analysis confirmed that he was indeed Texan, which as we all know is a dead end evolutionary line – technically known as homo idiotes texicanus. He was secreted to a government lab where scientists labored for decades. The final report, given to me while I hid in the dumpster behind the Weekly World News reads, in part: We’ve been able to bring the subject to the point where, with a good deal of coaching… He’ll be able to speak Texican. He should never be moved out of the State. He’ll never be able to speak English and it is our vehement stance that he should never be pushed to try! It will only enrage him and should he be put in a position of power there is no telling how he may lash out…
As an exercise feel free to email here and suggest other MWFs that are out there…

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About Marlowe

  • http://macaronies.blogspot.com Mac Diva

    This is funny. Reminds me of my ex-husband. He called all the running to and fro trying steal everything that is not nailed down MWF do ‘Whitey’s Last Stand.’ Think about it. What’s Ole Dick Cheney gonna do with all that Halliburton bling bling?

  • alethinos59

    Oh, there’ll always be a place for the MWF. They’ve been taking care of one another very well for a long time. Unfortunately. As long as they can still sell the “American dream” to the exhausted, beleaguered middle class everything will be just fine…

  • andy marsh

    I’ve been in a Walmart before and I have never clutched a rascal flats cd! That red, white and blue beach towel though…damn..that thing is SWEET!!!

  • alethinos59

    Video cameras have you REACHING for the Rascal’s CD fella! There was intent there! And we won’t go into what occurred between you and the blanket!

  • http://www.foliage.com/~marks Mark Saleski

    plus, they look really cool with those foam beercan-holder thingies.

  • andy marsh

    I just wanted to see what kinda pick up was on the back of the cd…honest!!!

  • alethinos59

    Well now the beer can holder thingies – you can’t go wrong there…

    But Andy! Fess up man! Let’s start with you putting the towel down…

  • Eric Olsen

    another real funny one, a59, thanks! Regarding Cheney, one word: Wyoming.

  • http://www.foliage.com/~marks Mark Saleski

    wait…Leo Kottke’s from Wyoming!

  • andy marsh

    It’s mine…I was here first…find your own towel!!!

  • alethinos59

    fine… take the damn towel…

  • andy marsh

    How else am I supposed to wipe down the Excursion???

  • Eric Olsen

    You want seriously white folk? Go to Europe – the unfunkiest people with skin. Asians are far funkier, and that’s saying something.

  • bob2112

    I thought ‘Euro’ meant funkay rave style? Isn’t Africa just across the street?

  • Eric Olsen

    But there aren’t a whole lot of black people in Europe – they just haven’t be exposed to the funkitude the way we have, even in Vermont or Iowa or Wyoming or Utah or Alaska.

  • alethinos59

    There’s “funkatude” in Iowa?! Get out! Iowa is so dull it could be hit by a series of nukes and the only reason people would go looking after 3 weeks is because the corn shipment was late!

    Funk in Iowa… Next you’ll be telling us Dorothy is not in Kansas any more.

  • bob2112

    Has anyone ever heard of a Moor? Maybe the unfortunate memory of Milli Vanilli? How about Josepine Baker, or Bob Marley?

    No one talks about the black troops employed by the French after WWI. These men occupied the Saar region of Germany long enough to ‘get around’ at the time a German Mark was only good enough to start kindling.

    Europe made the career of Josephine Baker.(Concidered by many the ‘Black Madonna’ in retrospect) In America she couldn’t even go through the front door of wherever she performed, in her hey day. Europeans have been more respectful, abolishing slavery, & embracing Black folk long before, it seems America ever will. Black centurians helped to conquer Britian for Rome. Moors ruled Spain so long their buldings & baths ‘pepper’ the landscape. Bob Marley is probably the #1 black guy Europeans wish they could be, if they had a choice. Milli Vanilli were Berliners, man.(Though they would suck even if they were the acutal singers)

    I don’t have time this afternoon to give you more info on this subject, but I will advise any of you who have stereotypes of what Europe is, & who you are, don’t let your black heritage scare you. Embrace it!

    P.S.Did I mention the millions of black slaves, white enough to pass into American society over the last 400 years. Boo!

  • gioconda

    I would like to nominate as the mightiest of the Mighty White Folk today — Oprah Winfrey. She only has to hold up a book and giggle, and it sells like hotcakes. Perhaps she should also put her picture on the bottle of maple syrup she pours over those billions of green hotcakes she is stashing in her bank account every single day while we leetle white peeps eat up every word she and voodoo witch doctor phil spew out to our poor befuddled PC consumeristic white brainstems. Mighty Oprah got jealous of Mighty Martha and started a magazine too! We cannot get enough of black people who became white like we all knew that they would if they could!
    Remember when those Mighty White Jacksons ruled the music industry? Boo hoo. You have your Mighty White Russell Simmons and his halfwit, oops, I meant half-white wife with her uniformed maids standing around on her white carpets in her white mansions whilst they drive white Bentleys and live in Saddle Hill with all the other truly Mighty White peoples like, ummm,
    the Rockerfellers? Yeah, it helps if you are Latino and highlite your hair
    so people forget you are Mighty-Lo,
    but it really helps if you are Beyonce who is, I am sure, a natural blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl who is the Mightiest White gal in showbiz today.
    I am getting a headache from looking thru my tinted contact lenses. I have
    an appointment at my dermatologist now,
    going for a bleaching session with 50 cent who is trying to play catch up with the Mightiest White rapper.

  • http://yahoo.com DJ Smith

    Don’t forget Christina Aguilera. I agree absolutely about Oprah. But, hey Althenos59, I used to love going to WalMart, buying my Celine Dion CD and then stopping by to sit with Ronald McDonald,pretend he was Bill Clinton and ask hime for a loan and college tuition for my progeny.
    Oh and note to Eric here’s a “shoulder shrug” to your opinion that I violated Internet etiquette. My therapist had recommended responding to blogs as a way of dealing with my high level avoidant personality disorder and borderline manic depression and agoraphobia. Didn’t mean to step on your toes.

  • Sean

    Eric, this conversation is beneath you.

  • Eric Olsen

    Sean, I’ve been out of it for a while, note the dates, but I was sincere in my statement that my travels through Europe revealed just how integral African-American culture is to American culture – that’s all I was trying to point out.

    DJ, no prob, my toes are fine, communication is good

  • http://victorplenty.blogspot.com Victor Plenty

    Oprah? Beyonce?? What’choo talkin’bout, Willis?

    But seriously, financial and political success finally reaching a few carefully selected people of not-quite-white color doesn’t necessarily prove America has finally overcome its historic racism.

    This merely shows the rising dominance of media corporations, which are happily willing to bestow all the benefits of wealth and fame on anyone they can co-opt.

    In other words, now mighty white people can be any color.