Opposites often attract when it comes to the amount of talking people do. For example, he admired and was attracted by her bubbly and talkative nature, while she found his quiet contentment both mysterious and relaxing. These differences worked well in the beginning because he felt little pressure to step forward with a lot of words because of her conversational habits. She, on the other hand, did not have to compete with him for the floor.
Down the road, however, a big difference in the amount of talking each partner does commonly becomes a communication problem for couples. Over time, if each does not learn from the other (to talk less/ more), the differences can build to extremes, where he feels worn out by how much she talks while she struggles to engage him in conversation or to get him to listen (or vice versa).
There is no such thing as too much talking…only more conversation than the listener cares to hear. Great communication requires that couples work to balance or negotiate speaking and listening. Not everything in our heads and hearts needs to be said out loud…and sometimes we need to pay attention and engage in conversation when we may feel like being silent or withdrawing.
Great communication in partnership grows when one person learns to dial back on the volume of conversation, which is made more likely by the other dialing up and becoming more communicative. The reverse is is also true. And remember, if you feel overwhelmed by emotional content from your partner, that is only the flip side of – and substantively no different from – her being underwhelmed by a lack of emotional expressiveness or conversation from you.Powered by Sidelines