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The Sports Blob: Braylon And The Brownies Squish The Fish

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Watch out, LeBron James, there is a new “King” in Cleveland: His name is Braylon Edwards. And hey, hey, hey, hey: To add grumbling insult to grievous injury, Edwards (a graduate of the University of Michigan) is not afraid to dot the “i” in “O-h-i-o” either!

Passed over by the Miami Dolphins in favor of running back Ronnie Brown, Edwards (the No. 3 overall pick of the Cleveland Browns) helped to fillet the Miami Dolphins in a 41-31 oar-thumping at “The Big Brown and Orange Sombrero” on Sunday. Looks like Cleveland Browns Stadium is not “dolphin safe” for Joey Porter – or any other Fish for that matter. (“Sorry, Charlie!” – Try not to get caught in the net.)

Not only are the Cleveland Browns (3-3) back up to a respectable .500 record in the sometimes awesome (sometimes awful) AFC North, but Edwards is currently the second-best wide receiver (at least statistically) behind Randy Moss of the “vaunted” New England Patriots – and we salute you.

Gone Baby Gone

The one-time “brazen” Edwards has put his money where his mouth is (this season) and continues to connect with “backup quarterback” Derek Anderson to complete one of the best throwing guy-catching guy combinations since… well, Tom Brady and Randy Moss.

At this rate, after only six games, Braylon Edwards is on pace to finish the season with 17-to-19 touchdowns as the scrappy Cleveland Browns continue to turn disbelieving heads in the AFC North. Now, for all of you NFL scrooges, just take a look at their upcoming schedule, won't you:

November 4 vs. Seattle Seahawks
November 11 @ Pittsburgh Steelers
November 18 @ Baltimore Ravens
November 25 vs. Houston Texans
December 2 @ Arizona Cardinals
December 9 @ New York Jets
December 16 vs. Buffalo Bills
December 23 @ Cincinnati Bengals
December 30 vs. San Francisco 49ers

No game is “a gimme” to be sure but The Sports Blob likes the odds that (outside of some major injuries) the Browns could win AT LEAST six of their remaining nine games (if not more) and finish their season with a 9-7 record (and a possible wildcard berth). Damn you Lane Kiffin and your treacherous time-out trickery!

The Patriots will win the AFC East. The Chargers should win the West. The Colts in the East. And the Steelers (shudder) take the North Division. That leaves the wildcard up for grabs between the Ravens (nah), the Broncos (are you mile-HIGH???), the Chiefs (“They play to LOSE the game”), the Titans (Madden curse!) and the Jaguars (yeah, maybe, if they don’t cough up a hair ball).

So can the “new and improved” Cleveland Browns be the “the Baby Patriots” of the AFC North like a recycled '80s cartoon looking for a hip, new audience? Well, maybe not with their problems in regards to stopping the run quite yet, despite being coached by Belichick-prodigy, Romeo Crennel (Where’s the defense, Big Daddy?). But these “AFC upstarts” (at least offensively and on special teams) seem to be on their way.

Look, no one really cares about the NFC teams because they are about as noteworthy as the Libertarians, to be sure.  Despite the record of the Dallas Cowboys, their head coach, Wade Phillips, still looks like a "Bum."  And even though ESPN is always on the lookout for the latest, greatest "pretty people" to party with, I think Tony Romo will win a Super Bowl around the same time Lindsay Lohan wins an Academy Award.

But with all due respect to Brett Favre, the AFC wildcard is still seemingly a toss-up on this sunny side of the street – as the Colts and the Patriots battle for world domination (Advantage: Colts.  You heard me, pappy).

In the meantime, here’s hoping that it's Cleveland that (finally) rises from the brown and orange NFL ashes like the Mighty Elf himself.  Hey, if Drew Carey can coach someone on the correct way to play "Plinko" then surely there's hope for the rest of us "sports blobs" here in Cleveland, right? (Please remember to help control the "blog population" – have your Sports Blob spayed or neutered.)

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About Chris McVetta

Chris McVetta is a writer and comedian from Cleveland, Ohio. He is a graduate from Cleveland State University and an alumni of The Second City comedy writing program. His first job in journalism was as an Editorial Assistant working with Harvey Pekar ("American Splendor") at The Free Times. Most recently, his was invited to speak at the Ray Browne conference on Pop Culture at Bowling Green State University.
  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    Last I checked, “squish” was not synonymous with “somehow beat despite allowing Cleo Lemon to score four touchdowns.”

    Namely because that’s what happened. Secondarily because it’s not proper grammar.

  • http://www.theidandi.blogspot.com Chris McVetta

    Look, Suss, just like Tony Romo and the Detroit Tigers: You ain’t all that, Ms. Thing!

    And did I forget to mention (last time I checked) that Kenny Lofton is the “mayor” of Cleveland? Lord knows he is doing a better job than Dennis Kucinich ever did!

    Go Tribe …AND Browns!

  • Tom of the Tribe

    Yeah, the Brownies are for real! Let’s see where this goes. funny stuff!