The first sure sign that we’re winning the war on terrorism is that TV’s “The Simpsons”, my favorite television show of all time next to “Mr. Belvedere“, is finally being brought to Arab TV.
However, it’s not quite the same show you’ll find syndicated 2-6 times a night on Fox. In order to fit the show with the values of Middle-Eastern culture and Islam, “The Simpsons” is now called “Al Shamshoons”. It roles right off the tongue if you ask me. All characters voices will be dubbed by one serious but respectful Arab man. Furthermore, Homer will now be known as Omar and Bart will be known as Bahr. As reported from ABC News, Duff beer will be changed to an Arab soft drink, hot dogs will become Egyptian beef sausages, and donuts will become popular Arab cookies called “kahk” – And I’m not making that up.
Not only that but Moe’s Tavern and “Kid Gruesome” himself, Moe Syzlack, have been written out altogether as well as 85% of the characters and situations in the episodes.
Due to the fact that they are female characters, Marge and especially young feminist Lisa Shamshoon are written out almost entirely, and when they do show up are not permitted to speak.
As a result of the cultural modifying, there are only 7 episodes that are acceptable to be aired and all 7 of them have been cut down to 4 1/2 minutes each. Those 4 1/2 minutes will be a mixture of poorly dubbed political propaganda and scripture lessons from the Koran.
While he may not be a donut-worshiping, bacon-eating offensive but lovable boozehound Christian, ” “Omar Shamshoon still says “D’oh!” ”
Next on the Arab TV block is their version of the American hit “Friends“ about a group of hip 20-somethings who are just trying to make it in America’s unholy capitalist society with a little help from their friends (aww).
The Arab version will be called “Infidels” and by airing fully unchanged episodes it will fuel the hatred of American culture, just as it has in America.
My only question is whether the Arab version of The Simpsons will be available in America. It might not be the same show we are all used to, but lets not dismiss the possibility that an edited Islam-friendly cut might be far better than the original. Face it, the last 5 seasons of the show haven’t been quite up to their normal standard of excellence, perhaps a Middle Eastern makeover is just what this long-lasting series needs! And do we really need such gratuituous use of the word “butt” on TV?
It might not be funny anymore, but the limited gratification of comedy is nothing compared to eternal salvation, a principle that only “The War At Home” seems to follow.
*Disclaimer: This article is half fabricated satire. It is in the “satire” section because its goal is to magnify the absurdity of an Islamic version of “The Simpsons” by exageration. It should not be taken as “news” because, while there are many facts in it (which are attributed to a real news article at ABC News), many false points are integrated to make it unbelievable. This was for comic effect, I hope it worked.