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The Religious/Political Right’s Vocabulary & Phrase Book – Volume Two

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“Racially balanced” as in “The Republican Party is very racially balanced.” This phrase is used during hurriedly arranged photo ops after someone of prominence has made the insinuation to the mainstream media that the Religious/Political right is composed of mostly rich white men. Someone is bound to utter this phrase just as you notice that all of the women, blacks and hispanics in the group have suddenly been pushed up into the front row smiling proudly, not realizing that behind them the next solid three rows are the white guys grinning for the camera because they know that they’re really the ones in charge.

“Judeo-Christian Values” Note Judeo always comes first. This phrase is used often and loudly when the right-wing Christian section is emphasizing that they have generously included Jews in their outrage about abortion, gay rights, or tax breaks for major corporations. Usually the next day the more extreme fundamentalists of the group give a sermon to their followers stressing that while they love their Jewish brothers (well, maybe just enough to get the election swung in their favor), they must still realize that in order for Jews to get into their heaven, they still must first accept Jesus Christ as their savior. Sort of how they feel about their private golf clubs.

“Pro-business liberal” This one threw me the first time I saw it in print, because by rights, according to all good conservatives, there is no such thing as a “pro-business liberal”. Apparently this phrase is employed to throw blame at liberal democrats with their liberal businesses joining the liberal wing of the Republican Party and ruining everything. In other words, just throw the word “liberal” on anything to make it sound bad or to assign or distract blame.

“God, America, and the flag”, is the new holy trinity, replacing “Baseball, mom, and apple pie”. You must worship all three equally or be branded a traitorous liberal unchristian deviant.

“Budget Surplus” is a phrase never used in mixed company (i.e. Republicans with Democrats). The budget surplus is what the Republican Congress proudly claimed as theirs, not President Clinton’s, from the steps of the Capitol Building. In the late 90s the budget surplus was the direct result of their “Contract with America”… well that is until GW spent it all at Halliburton. Now the political right wing would rather we didn’t mention it, and if we do, they claim it didn’t really exist anyway and was just on paper—shhhhhhh!

“Your facts are erroneous” is a phrase used most often when they know Democrats are speaking the truth, but they haven’t found time to “Google or Yahoo” something opposing from a right-wing slanted website to refute it yet.

“Knee-jerk reaction” translates to “They’ve intelligently reacted to something important before we did, causing us embarrassment, so we’ll dismiss it as nothing in order to distract the public.” The press is currently having a knee-jerk reaction to rising gas prices at the pump, but don’t worry… soon it’ll be “old news”. (see below) Currently President Bush is stressing that we should leave prices as they are (no matter how high they go) and instead use conservation and alternate fuels. Thus we preserve “big oil’s” profit line; which should cause another “knee jerk” reaction from the voting public.

“Some of my best friends are gay” They live about three miles from me. My sister’s hairdresser’s maid introduced me to a plumber who lives next door to them, but I can’t remember his name. He says they’re nice people.

“This is all just old news!” translates to “The public knows this is a problem we haven’t even come close to solving yet, even though we’ve had plenty of time to look into it, so we’ll just declare it unimportant!” Example, “New Orleans is old news”

“Impeding free speech” translates to “Not permitting right-wing political or religious propaganda to be prominently displayed in public buildings”.
See also:
“Violating the spirit of the First Amendment” which translates to using the “free speech amendment” to allow such things as homosexual pornography, cuss words on the Sopranos, publishing books criticizing George Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Pat Robertson, or or or even The Los Angeles Times recently suggesting that Dick Cheney resign!, or the press’ reporting of several state legislatures (so far Vermont, California, and Illinois) that have recently, or are planing to, call for the House of Representitives to prepare to look into Bush’s impeachment.

“God created dinosaur bones, but not real dinosaurs!” Sorry, I just had to include this one after I nearly fell out of my chair laughing when I read it in print. A religious nut actually asserted that God created the bones, and then put them into the ground where we could find them, to test our faith because the actual animals never really existed!.

“I am praying for you!” Personally I’m disgusted every time George Bush utters this phrase. He prayed for the space shuttle astronauts safe return, he prayed for the miners in West Virginia, and he prayed constantly for the victims of the World Trade Center to be rescued along with the lives of the victims of the Pentagon. All he was doing was kissing the asses of the Political/Religious Right, and gave false and useless comfort to the victims’ families who believed that his important presidential prayers would somehow be paid more attention to by God… which they weren’t

“I do not believe in basing American Policy on poll numbers”. Unless they agree with what George is saying at the moment.

“We are on the side of the political right!”. Apparently they don’t seem to realize that that means which side of the isle they sit on, and not that they’re correct all the time.

But of course this is only my opinion.

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About Jet Gardner

I like collecting books, music, movies, chess sets and friends
  • Ruvy in Jerusalem

    Good job and entertaining, but try to skewer the other side next time. I realize that this may be a bit harder for you. I hate to say it, but their versions of doubletalk are just as bad. And would be just as funny if thy were not also as damaging…

  • Ruvy in Jerusalem

    ‘Impeed is what ‘im did after drinking a whole bottle of J&B and watching the pink elephant descend from the ceiling and impede ím’s path to the bathroom. It was a sorry mess.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Damn it Ruvy! You beat me to putting in the first comment! I was going to dedicate it to Andy Marsh, one of my biggest “first comment” fans!!.
    I also wanted to refute his “Ugly American” monikor too, check out his URL he’s pretty cute in a sexy scruffy kinda way!

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Ruvy-Re #1… Thank you sir, coming from you, that means a lot. However to fulfil your request would mean going into the other half of my split personality, which could be dangerous.

    I’ll talk to my shrink and get back to you.

    Thanks again!

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    re Ruvy #2… I’ve seen that elephant too, as a matter of fact everyone one can, simply click on the icon for the Republican War on Science above, and check out the book cover!

    Thanks again my friend

  • Maurice

    Very funny!

    As a black/conservative/athiest/hillbilly/cynic I think many of the above phrases could apply to both sides. In fact I had to recheck the title to make sure I knew which group you were lampooning. The following are the only ones that seemed clearly from the right:

    “Some of my best friends are gay.”
    “God created dinosaur bones, but not real dinosaurs!”
    “I am praying for you!”

    Wish I could have gotten in comment #1. Damn!

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Maurice …black/conservative/athiest, hillbilly/cynic!!! And I thought my shrink had her hands full!

    thanks for contributing

  • Nancy

    Some cretin actually SAID that about the bones?! Who? I missed that one! I’ll bet they don’t even have the brains or eddumacation to be ashamed.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Nancy, I’m not having luck with links lately, but let’s try it anyway, click here! and check the comments at the bottom of the page

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    It that link doesn’t work, he responded to a very informative comment from Ruvy, by posting the following…

    Brother Ruvy, sure there are answers to Jet’s questions. A willful mind can conjure up an endless number.

    For example, perhaps G-d directly created dinosaur bones as fossils and planted them just to test our faith. I’ve heard of Christians actually speculating as much.
    # posted by Al : Wednesday, April 05, 2006 3:05:49 AM

  • Nancy

    Uhhhh…Jet, which ‘Al’ is that? Not Barger, surely?

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Nancy re 11… I don’t know, maybe Ruvy knows who it is, it was a response to his comment on my own site.

  • http://theugliestamerican.blogspot.com Andy Marsh

    Alright…enough already…you made me blush! Now I have to read this freaking thing and really comment on it…damn.

  • http://theugliestamerican.blogspot.com Andy Marsh

    Jet – the first thing I can think to say is…this is old news man and I think your facts are just a bit erroneous…but don’t worry about it ’cause I’m praying for you brother…and oh yeah…some of my best friends ARE gay…really!

    Budget surplus…that’s like using words like keen and neato…things of the past!

    good read.

    and the reason I took the name the ugly american was because there used to be a quite funny but extremely cynical Canadian around here that used to call me ugly ‘murrican and I liked it. There’s some stuff around here at BC for Jim Carruthers…

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    I await with breathless anticipation Andy!

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Andy 14, Thank you sir.

  • Dan

    “”Your facts are erroneous” is a phrase used most often when they know Democrats are speaking the truth, but they haven’t found time to “Google or Yahoo” something opposing from a right-wing slanted website to refute it yet.”

    Jet, I hope this isn’t in reference to “Jet’s Hate-tionary” part I.

    If so, I have half a mind to bookmark that page and return there bi-monthly to do annoying, taunting, victory jigs, while simultaneously Evangelizing in a very smug, self-rightous way.

    Remember, it was I who was vindicated.

    you

    guys

    fled.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Wrong Dan, I just chose to ignore you.

  • Dan

    You choose to ignore truth.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Dan #17 wrote…If so, I have half a mind [Yes indeed, that’s obvious] to bookmark that page and return there bi-monthly to do annoying, taunting, victory jigs, while simultaneously Evangelizing in a very smug, self-rightous way.

    Danny boy, you’re welcome any time you want to say anything you like as long as you have something intelligent to contribute to this forum.

    Otherwise you’re just proving to everyone here what a smug jackass you really are, whose only purpose in life is to taunt and annoy.

    I feel sorry for you.

  • http://adamantsun.blogspot.com SteveS

    you forgot ‘liberal elite’. It’s used to show liberals who are ‘out of touch with the common man’ and was used against Kerry in the last election.

    Liberal elite can be defined as a liberal who is out of touch with the common man because he went to the same colleges as the conservative elite who feel your pain.

  • http://adamantsun.blogspot.com SteveS

    perhaps we need to define what vindication means. It actually doesn’t mean ‘to clear out a room’.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    SteveS 21-Thanks, I’ll save it for volume 3

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    SteveS #22, in his alternate universe it does apparently.

  • http://gratefuldread.net NR Davis

    Hey, libs pray too. I have so many fundies on my prayer list it’s ridiculous.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    NR #25, No offense intended, I was referring to prayers that are more motivated by politics than religion.

  • http://ruvysroost.blogspot.com Ruvy in Jerusalem

    Jet,

    Most prayers are motivated by either need or desire. Or, in the worst case, something your recite by rote without really caring about the content.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Ruvy #24, in a perfiect world, my friend, in a perfect world. I’m sorry to suspect the subject’s motivations though b’ezrát haShém.

    Shabbat shalom
    in blessings
    Jet

  • http://ruvysroost.blogspot.com Ruvy in Jerusalem

    Jet, Nancy,

    Re comment #11. It was Senator Barger indeed. I checked and up popped his website. The reason is that I know another Al who might have referred to me as “brother” and wanted to see if it was him. But it was our very own Al barger.

  • http://ruvysroost.blogspot.com Ruvy in Jerusalem

    Jet, I see you’ve been doing your homework.

    B’ezrát haShém (with the help of G-d) we will yet see a perfect world.

    Shabbat Shalom,
    Reuven

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Ruby, thanks for the comments on my own site, they are very thought provoking.

    blessings

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Ruvy, sorry about that, I get fumble-fingered sometimes and the v is next to the b on the keyboard

    apologies

  • http://ruvysroost.blogspot.com Ruvy in Jerusalem

    Ruby/Ruvy Don’t let it bother you too much, Jet. An old fellow who used to be president of the Knesset, Reuven Rivlin, is known as Ruby. He comes from an old family in Jerusalem, and there is a street downtown named for someone else his family – but not him.

    Ruvy is the nickname I got from a cigarette smoking kid who was a navy cook. He was the kitchen manager where I washed dishes in a restaurant three or four years ago. He is also a rabbi, a fact he doesn’t like to be reminded of.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    You say tomayto I say tomahto, let’s call the whole thing off!

  • Arch Conservative

    You guys are still on this?

    I would have thought someone would have written a post about the illegal bash the fucking wetbacks are planning for Monday by now.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Well Arch, I guess that means you’d consider it “old news” wouldn’t you?

  • nugget

    jet: bored?

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Nugget: 37… Nope, sorry if you are :-( Check out my new post under the politics heading.

  • Dan

    Steve S:

    “perhaps we need to define what vindication means. It actually doesn’t mean ‘to clear out a room’.”

    I would ask you for a source on this, but I guess your not in the habit of providing any substantiation.

    Jet in Columbus:

    “Danny boy, you’re welcome any time you want to say anything you like as long as you have something intelligent to contribute to this forum.”

    Why should I be held to a higher standard than you?

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Dan, you’re right, how foolish of me to expect something intelligent from you. As I’ve said many times here and elsewhere, I haven’t the faintest idea what I’m talking about-ask anyone!

    At least I have the balls to admit it.

  • http://adamantsun.blogspot.com SteveS

    Dan says:

    I would ask you for a source on this, but I guess your not in the habit of providing any substantiation.

    In my discussions with you, I’ve provided sources like the American Medical Association and the American Psychiatric Association. You are the one who’s never provided a source.

    Since you would like a source defining vindication, here you go:

    The Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

    You can clearly see that other people leaving a conversation has nothing to do with the definition of vindication.

    You’re welcome.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Thanks SteveS. Since I’m kinda new at this, I’m slowly learning how to handle people like him and others.

    I’m not talking about people I disagree with, because I cherish people I disagree with, because I learn from their point of views. I’m talking about people that annoy, just for the sake of the “kick” it gives them.

    Thanks again,
    Jet

  • Dan

    Jet: “At least I have the balls to admit it.”

    So it takes “balls” to admit that you don’t have anything intelligent to say?

    Steve S. “In my discussions with you, I’ve provided sources like the American Medical Association and the American Psychiatric Association. You are the one who’s never provided a source.”

    um, reality check. You never provided a source, because as I demonstrated, Your sources confirmed my assertions. You were left, somewhat, um, discredited.

    I don’t know what it is that makes you choose to be dishonorable. Admitting that you’re wrong about something doesn’t mean you have to abandon your whole victimization stance.

  • http://adamantsun.blogspot.com SteveS

    Your sources confirmed my assertions. You were left, somewhat, um, discredited.

    um, reality check. Go back and read the threads. Maybe discredited in YOUR mind, but debaters here on the Left, such as Jet, gonzo, et. al. AND the Right, such as Dave were on my side.

  • http://adamantsun.blogspot.com SteveS

    Thanks SteveS. Since I’m kinda new at this, I’m slowly learning how to handle people like him and others.

    We’re really not supposed to feed the trolls, Jet, but it’s a slow night.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    SteveS #44 Indeed sir. Anyone know a good child psychiatrist? I bet he’s shed all his clothes by now and is sitting naked at his keyboard all horny at the attention he thinks he’s getting from us because he thinks he’s said something cute, when actually all we’re doing is pitying him.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Would it be silly of me to ask if we can get back to the subject now?

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Thanks to Arch Conservative, I think Volume three will have to include the term “wetback”. I don’t see how I’ll ever get to volume 1 of the Liberal songbook if you guys won’t stop handing me material for for the sequel to this one!?!

  • Nancy

    Actually, a deficiency in my education has been pointed out. A compendium of racial slurs would be helpful so I know what to use/avoid depending on who I want to offend or avoid offending. So far, I know the N-word. Now, as far as I know, “wetback” refers to illegals from anywhere. At least that’s how I’ve heard it used, including as a self-reference by a Canadian illegal I knew. Does it only refer to Mexicans, and is it now supposed to be politically incorrect to refer with scorn to lawbreakers? I certainly don’t refer to legal Mexican immigrants as ‘wetbacks'; so why is it racist to refer to illegals – who are criminals to begin with – in a disparaging manner?

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    I’ve always been under the impression it was because they got wet swimming across the Rio Grande, Thus unless they swam across Lake Erie or one of the other great lakes, I don’t see how it applies.

    We should really thank the Arch Con for stimulating such enriching conversation!

  • Nancy

    Yeah, well. Perhaps she did swim across the St. Lawrence, for all I know. My childhood best friend (of Italian ancestry) always referred to her grandparents as ‘wetbacks’, but I’m not sure why, unless they came in thru Mexico. Maybe they swam the Atlantic?

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Who knows Nancy, maybe they were just racially balanced, judeo-christian, pro-business liberals, who worshiped God, America and the American flag, hoping that the budget surplus they brought over with them would last long enough to find some erroneous facts, concerning gay dinosaurs that were impeding some cave man’s free speech.

    Then again, that might just be a kneejerk reaction?

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Drat! I forgot to work the first amendment in there somewhere!

  • Dan

    “um, reality check. Go back and read the threads. Maybe discredited in YOUR mind, but debaters here on the Left, such as Jet, gonzo, et. al. AND the Right, such as Dave were on my side.”

    Nope, the thread still reads the same way it did when you fled. Dave fled with you when the facts came down, and gonzo was never there to begin with. A reality slippage perhaps. Jet, is of course, in your corner, but he’s had the “balls” to admit he doesn’t have the “faintest idea” what he’s talking about. “ask anyone!”

    Still, I guess it’s comforting to have a gang on your “side” when you don’t have any actual sources for substantiation.

  • http://adamantsun.blogspot.com SteveS

    it must get awful lonely in that ivory tower, Dan.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Dan, I’ve stopped feeling sorry for you, now I’m just laughing. We all left because Volume II came out, just as we’ll probably leave when Volume III comes out.

    You’re so pathetic it’s laughable

    …and I will

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    SteveS, Dan’s just a poor lonely pitiful man with nothing better to do than be an attention craving fool.
    Thanks for stepping in.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Maybe SteveS’ lack of response to you has more to do with the fact that your rediculous sidebar on the suicide rate-gay or straight has little or nothing to do with this article. It looks like you’re just making a stupid play for attention, and to distract everyone from the actual point of this article!

  • Dan

    Jet, I can almost remember their funny faces
    That time you told me that
    You were going to be marrying soon.
    And Jet, I thought the only
    lonely place was on the moon.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    That was cute Dan, too bad your attention span is too short to remember the subject.

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    By the way Dan, SteveS answered you in Volume one rather well, don’t tell me you’re not going to answer him?

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Under the heading of polls and policy, Bush has hit a record low in approval ratings at 33%. That means 66 out of every 100 Americans disagree with the Arch Con!

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    According to Fox News, Pres. Bush’s approval ratings went up 5 points. I wonder if the bird flu scare he’s making such a fuss about, could really be a ruse to put millions of our tax dollars unnecessarily into the pockets of the Phameceutical companies, and more importantly to distract us from the war?

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Since a few of you have given me enough material for Vol. 3, I thought I’d toss this up Fresh Comments for the newly uninitiated in our little group…

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    ArchBingBat asked if the only thing I write about has to do with sexual orientation, Hmmmmmmmm?

  • http://absent-mind.blogspot.com/ Jet in Columbus

    Now that election time is near, I thought I’d try to revive these two strings