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The Ramble: The Short And Sweet Edition

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There’s so much going on that I’m going to say what I have to say using as few words as possible, or die trying.

Penalize Rhett Bomar Not The Sooners. College athletes like Rhett Bomar – and not always the institutions that they represent – should be penalized when they willfully and blatantly violate NCAA rules. In a manifest violation of NCAA regulations, Bomar had a no-show job at an Oklahoma car dealership last year and pocketed at least $18,000, and as a result should lose at least two years of eligibility and be forced to sit out for a year.

College Football Polls Are Nonsense. In college football the defending champs should always be ranked number one until they lose a game. There is no way that Ohio State should be picked ahead of Texas in any poll since the Longhorns beat the Buckeyes last year in Columbus, and that the two teams play on September 9.

Fantasy Football Is Ridiculous. Any endeavor that results in football players being judged solely on their stats rather than the outcome of a game is ludicrous. Fantasy football has had the overall effect of elevating those who produce stats rather than results.

Justin Gatlin’s Excuse. According to Gatlin’s coach Trevor Graham – a man who has been neck deep in performance enhancing drug scandals for most of his career – a rogue masseuse rubbed testosterone cream on Gatlin after a race so that Gatlin would fail his drug test. There’s no indication that Gatlin’s camp is blaming either the testing lab or the French.

Floyd Landis’ Excuse. According to the Landis camp the French and the lab that performed the test on Landis’ urine are to blame for Landis' high level of testosterone. There’s no indication that Landis’ camp is blaming Gatlin’s masseuse… yet.

Dan Marino for Nutrisystem. There’s something really depressing about this Hall of Fame quarterback pitching Nutrisystem’s weight loss products. I know that when he was playing he did those cheesy Isotoner glove commercials, but the Nutrisystem commercials are worse.

Football Hall of Fame. There’s something refreshing about the non-statistical emphasis placed on candidates for entry into Canton. There is much less controversy surrounding picks to be enshrined as a football immortal than there is with the baseball equivalent, and there are fewer oversights and inconsistencies with regard to the football greats.

No Athletes Were Shot This Week. The Second Amendment wasn’t in play this week, however Detroit Pistons reserve center Dale Davis was arrested and subdued with a stun gun in a disorderly persons beef with police outside of a Miami Beach Hotel. Davis’ agent has said that the cops picked on his client because he was black, but didn’t address the inconsistency of why the cops wouldn’t have at least picked on a small black man and thus had an easier time administering the beat down.

Dave Mirra. How many of you lost sleep because Mirra’s injuries – suffered this week in a training run – will cause him to miss the X Games? How many of you even know about the X Games or in which event Mirra competes?

Barry Bonds Hits Home Run 723. Bonds has only 15 home runs this season, and is a good bet to hit under 20 home runs in a season for only the second time in his 21-year career. At this pace, with a bum right knee that’s getting bummer by the day combined with the fact that old sluggers lose their power in a hurry, Bonds won’t break Hank Aaron’s record of 755 dingers next season even if he does catch on as a designated hitter someplace in the American League.

Michelle Wie. When this golf phenom finished her third round of the Women’s Weetabix British Open – Weetabix! – at four over par, she was 11 shots off the pace. Wie needs to concentrate on winning some tournaments – or at least playing into contention – before she worries about qualifying for men’s events, or her failure to do this will ruin her career.

"Man Law." This Miller Beer advertising campaign has jumped the shark.  After two or three commercials this approach has run out of steam, and has become self-parody.

For this edition of The Ramble brevity wins, but will it be able to hold sway over the powerful forces of loquaciousness? Tune in next week to find out.

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About Sal Marinello

  • http://www.futonreport.net/ Matthew T. Sussman

    If you get anything out of the X Games, get Travis Pastrana’s double backflip on his motorcycle. Holy shit, what a great jump.

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