Home / Culture and Society / Health and Fitness / The Ramble: Barry Bonds Changes His Name To Richard, Joe Torre Gets The Easiest 1000 Wins In MLB History, The Nets Shock The Heat And Don’t You Dare Compare Kobe To Michael

The Ramble: Barry Bonds Changes His Name To Richard, Joe Torre Gets The Easiest 1000 Wins In MLB History, The Nets Shock The Heat And Don’t You Dare Compare Kobe To Michael

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Another weekend, another horrible attempt at copying our Ramble by the rabble at the New York Post. If you read their Rumble and want to get that awful taste out of your mouth, read on and sample the real thing.

Barry Bonds, Just Call Him Dick. Bonds hit his 713th home run in Philly the other night and the only Bonds fan in the Phillies’ stadium winds up with the ball. At the post game press conference this Bonds fan – who happens to be a member of our armed forces – asked Dick to sign the ball. Dick Bonds said no. Then Dick Bonds had this fan sign a waiver so that Dick could use the footage of this guy in the Dick Bonds reality show. There’s no need to rehash history, but for a guy who has made Dick moves all his life, this is the biggest Dick move of all. So let’s just make it official and call him Dick. We will here at Ramble World Headquarters.

Joe Torre Wins His 1000 Game In Pinstripes. Yawn. Early in his 11th season Joe Torre won his 1000th game as the manager of the New York Yankees. This, my friends, is much ado about squat. Joe Torre seems like a fine man, was a fine player and is a fine manager. However, all of this praise that has been heaped upon him is way out of proportion to the accomplishment. Actually, with the teams that he’s had the big deal would have been if he hadn’t won 1000 games as the Yankee manager after 10-plus years. The fact that he has won 1000 games at this point is as noteworthy as him managing 1649 games. He’s had the best teams and the biggest payrolls and has had the opportunity to beat up on putrid, small market teams. There is a ridiculous competitive imbalance in baseball and the Yankees are the prime beneficiaries of it. And really, what good manager wouldn’t have a .606 winning percentage with the Yanks? It’s not like he won 1000 games with the Minnesota Twins. Speaking of the Twins, Tom Kelly winning over 1100 games in 14 seasons is a big deal, Torre winning 1000 isn’t. Nothing personal, Joe.

Kobe And The Lakers Blow It. Kobe Bryant is one of the best individual players in the NBA, but there’s no excuse for him and his team blowing a 3-1 lead – especially losing game 6 at home – against an under-manned Phoenix Suns team. I’ve heard people compare Bryant to Michael Jordan. This is unfair to Bryant and it certainly is unfair to Jordan. If Michael Jordan’s team was up 3-1 against a wounded team, had been called out and roughed up by an “under-caliber” player like Raja Bell and had the chance to close out the series at home, His Airness would have thrown the team on his shoulders and carried them to victory. Bryant is good, but he isn’t in Michael Jordan’s league.

The Next Generation Of Performance Enhancing Drugs. Actually, these drugs are already on the scene, but what they can do for people is light years ahead of what the substances commonly referred to as “steroids” can do. Human Growth Hormone has been in use since the mid to late 1980’s when a select few people had access to it. Currently, HGH is a drug that is available to almost anyone who wants it – either legally or illegally. It’s powerful at low doses, it works and for all practical purposes is undetectable, since a blood test is required to catch those who use.

But there’s something out there that’s even more powerful than HGH and it’s called IGF-1, Insulin-like Growth Factor. It’s a protein hormone that’s very similar to insulin and it builds muscle like a mofo, and cannot be detected by a urine or blood test. IGF-1 is extremely experimental, as it’s only been approved for human trials with a very narrow application for treating children with growth failure. But this hasn’t stopped body builders and others from getting their hands on it.

No longer just “performance enhancing,” these drugs fall under the heading of anti-aging therapy and gene therapy, where optimal health is the purpose and enhanced performance is an extra benefit. These drugs are being developed to cure disease, but they will work their way into mainstream medicine. HGH is already widely available through legitimate physicians. As these drugs become approved to treat humans, bioethics will get a workout in the face of these advances and will force a detailed, and hopefully educated, public discussion on this subject. These drugs will force people to learn more about the subject of these drugs and will hopefully bring about a better understanding of the issue. This is a complicated issue that needs to be further researched and discussed. Controversy will ensue, but this is an issue that is not going to go away.

Nets Win, Nets Win. Round 2, game 1 of the Nets/Heat series saw a game that wound up with a 100-88 score that doesn’t indicate how one sided the game was. In the NBA playoffs if the lower seed has any hope of winning the series they almost guaranteed have to win game one on the higher seed’s court. Monday night the Nets ran away with the game in Miami, scoring 64 points in the first half and opening up almost a 30-point lead late into the third quarter. The Net’s Richard Jefferson turned an ankle and his status is up in the air, but overall it was a huge night for the boys from the Meadowlands.

There is a lot going on this week so there’ll be a lot to ramble about. Keep on checking in.

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About Sal Marinello

  • Hairynipples

    You don’t give Torre enough credit. The irony is that the exact characteristics of his personality and skills – mellow, friend of the players, chooses excellent coaches to help and listens to them(you want to look good, hire good assistants in any job line) – is exactly why he was mediocre in previous jobs without the stable of talent present. You want to get the most out of a bunch wanna be players for a season or two at best, you need to be authoritarian, sole direction giving a-hole. It is not him. Conversely guys like Billy Martin (who had some pretty good teams of player talent) couldn’t ever sustain it – the players would stop playing for him. Maybe Kent Doyle is a better example.

    It look easy until you try it yourself. How many people wouldn’t have started to lay into Sheffield every week for his comments to the media? The closest he came to battling with a player was, was, was,…. that guy he kicked off the team in the 90’s but took back in a couple of years later. Use to play for Oakland……damm what is his name?

    Signed, Joe Torre’s soul twin in the real world.

  • sal m

    Never said torre wasn’t good…just that 1000 wins in 10 years isn’t that big of a deal.

  • Hairynipples

    The big deal is that he did do it with one team and no steroids in his personal blood system. And working for a guy who fits the personality I described of what doesn’t work with largely talented teams. I guess I consider the achievement of not getting fired by George greater than the 1000/10 achievement – but one certainly paved the way for the other, so they are not mutually exclusive.

    When is the site gonna get spell check? I am tired of cut and paste from Word.

    Signed – Hairy in the Hills.

  • sal m

    true dat…10 years working for george in the same position, without ever being fired is a far greater feat than winning the 1000 games…perhaps managing in almost 1700 games is the big deal.

  • Hairynipples

    Just how old is Joe Torre? I can remember my grandfather telling me his childhood stories of seeing him MANAGE, never mind play. Didn’t he play with Shoeless Joe???