Also, I’m utterly shocked and taken by surprise every time I see a picture of Tara Reid drinking, the words “box office” and “slump” used together, news of unwanted sequels and/or remakes or excessive coverage of the Natalee Holloway case.
In this upcoming flick, Julianne Moore plays a 50′s housewife who
becomes suicidal over her lack of cake-making skills
learns her husband is gay so she hooks up with the Allstate guy
has no concept of birth control so she wins various jingle contests in order to keep her family of ten children afloat but winds up leaving her whiny husband (Woody Harrelson) feeling emasculated.
When the biggest dramatic moment in a trailer consists of all-American mom Julianne Moore throwing what appears to be Cherry Jell-o at a frowny Woody Harrelson who responds by crying “You killed me!”-it’s a pretty sure bet that it’s not going to make Drew’s Top 10 of the year.
In defense of Julianne Moore, her non-50′s housewife movies since 2000 have been excruciating. When she makes comedies, they turn out putrid a la Evolution and Laws Of Attraction. When she makes dramas, it’s tepid fare like The Shipping News. Attempts at indie film wind up unwatchable as in World Traveler and Marie & Bruce. And she’s single handedly killing the thriller genre with flicks like Hannibal and The Forgotten.
It’s heartbreaking, really, because I used to really like her. Heck, she knocked my socks off in four of my favorite movies of the 90′s: Short Cuts, The Big Lebowski, Boogie Nights, and Magnolia. I used to vocally lament her lack of an Academy Award.
But I think I have a solution. Both Altman and the Coens seem to be on hiatus from making the quality films they used to make. So what I’m thinking of doing is entering as many jingle contests as humanly possible and then using my winnings to bribe Julianne Moore into only making movies written and directed by Paul Thomas Anderson. It may be a tough gig, but somebody’s gotta take the ball and run with it.
Drew originally posted this babble at Drew’s Blog-O-Rama, where he can be usually be found kvetching about movies and pop culture. He’s also spent almost ten years (!) providing free movie and television scripts online at Drew’s Script-O-Rama. Because really, what the world was lacking was another whiny bastard who fancies himself a witster, and how could society truly function without free access to scripts like Analyze That and Biker Mice From Mars?