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The Mommies Who Won’t Let Go: Example, Lindsay Lohan’s Mom

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I remember fondly when I was a child, all the way back in the 1980s. Not to act nostalgic, but things were different then. It seems that there was a completely different mindset that has all been forgotten. My next-door neighbor Mikey and I grew up together. He was the same age as I, so we often would play together. He was quite the rambunctious child and would often get hurt in the way that kids will.

He would cry when he got hurt, because most kids do that, too. What I remember most though was his mother’s reaction. She would turn away from The Young and The Restless, without leaving the living room, mind you, and look out the window to see what all the fuss was about. As long as he had all his extremities attached she would scream out the window: "No Biggie!"

"No biggie" became the catch-phrase for our neighborhood. That is how much we heard it. Last I heard, Mikey, was doing fine.

Flash forward to 2006. It’s a new generation with a new set of kids. Not only that, but parents seem to have a new mindset, as well. I can still recall cringing as I read an old school Nickelodeon forum, which mentioned that Doug is now considered to be a classic Nick cartoon. It is not the ability to make mildly old things classic that bothers me though. It is the fact that after 20 some years of life there are some people that have still not cut the cord from their mommies.

Take Lindsay Lohan for example. Now before I begin, please understand that I like Lindsay. When I first saw Mean Girls, at the urging of my son, I thought she was incredibly sexy and had a shot at being a big player in Hollywood. I even liked her music. Today, I think she has a few issues to work out, but I am just using her as an example because it seems that many of the people of her generation are the same way.

Lindsay has received press lately for the issues she’s had working on Georgia Rules. I cannot recall what the movie is about right now, a troubled teen I think. The reason I cannot remember what it's about is because the controversy is centered more on her allegedly not working, as opposed to the film itself. The production company of the movie recently had a lot to say about Lindsay and while I found all of the comments that were made about the so-called party girl disturbing, these things were not as bothersome as the issues I have with what happened after Lindsay was publicly chastised.

Her mother, Dina, is the person who really pissed me off. She came out in defense of her darling daughter and told those producers where to stick it. It is exactly this mentality, that causes today’s youth to sit on their asses and point fingers. Why do all the dirty work and defend yourself when mommy can do it for you?

To my knowledge Lindsay has made no comment about her mother coming to her defense. She spoke to gossip frontman Perez Hilton to say she was sad that people were forming opinions about her, but that was about it.

I could not care less if she is a party girl. However, don’t complain about something you bring on yourself. This is so typical and it’s bordering on repetitive with much of Hollywood today. It’s the "I don’t like the paparazzi, but I’m going to fuel the fire by posing naked on a magazine cover" mentality.

If having a negative image bothered Ms. Lohan so much she would have a bite to eat (for her figure's sake), show up to work on time, and stay home a little more often. If the likes of Brad and Angelina can stay out of the media you can’t tell me that a former-tween princess can’t avoid it.

Sadly, the same thing is occurring in colleges all over the country. Mothers have actually been told not to call schools any more because they are complaining about their baby’s air-conditioning, food options, or this or that. It’s ridiculous. How do these people expect their children to function if they won’t remove them from the proverbial titty by the time they hit their teens?

Looking back to my youth, I never thought I’d say it, but maybe Mikey’s mom was on to something. "No biggie" taught him to handle himself much better than the whining, pathetic, excuse-laden children seen so often today, who have only their mothers to blame.

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About Ashtyn

  • http://www.ladydragonfyre.com/index_files/LWS Lady Dragonfyre

    Don’t I know it! I used to work at a university. I had a kid’s mom blast me a new one because her 21 year old son was ill and needed a ride to the doctor’s.

    The son called his mommy (over 200 miles away) every day for a week, telling her he felt horrible. Did he tell his friends? No. Did he tell his RA? No. Did he call my department (Public Safety)? No.

    By the time the mother called me, he was so sick he couldn’t get out of bed. It was my fault for not magically knowing her kid was sick.

    In the midst of her ranting, I kept trying to ask her what dorm and room number her kid was in so I could send a car right away. She didn’t know. Then, she hung up on me, called my supervisor, and hollered at him for an hour. I

    tell you, some of the 18-22 year olds these days are completely helpless.

  • http://www.dominickevans.com Dominick

    Lady Dragonfyre…

    Why do you think there is such a difference between those of us who were raised some 5-10 years prior and the teens and very early 20 year olds of today?

    I was raised in the 1980’s. I have a niece born a little less than five years after I was and it’s like we were raised in two different schools of thought. She’s very co-dependent on her family and I am very independent.

    Why are mothers so much more whiny and needy? I just don’t get it, but it happens more and more every day.

  • http://www.ladydragonfyre.com/index_files/LWS Lady Dragonfyre

    I think the digital age played a significant role. A lot of the 90’s kids preferred TV, computers and video games to hanging out with the kids in the neighborhood. Kids who stay cooped up indoors all the time don’t develop good negotiation and social skills.

    Then there’s the accountability issue. The liberal tendency to blame behavior issues on the child’s school, teacher, friends, father, mother, coach, etc. only teaches children that they’re never responsible for their own actions. When they get into trouble, it’s always someone else’s fault, and Mommy will always make it better.

    Some ultra-liberals think that “tough love” damages a child psychologically. Looking back on my own childhood, I’m glad my mother busted my balls over everything rather than leave me unequipped for life.

  • http://www.dominickevans.com Dominick

    Lady Dragonfyre,

    That makes a lot of sense. I recall playing outside in our neighborhood all the time. Growing up TV time was limited, and we did not have our first computer until I was a teenager. We did have Nintendo, but that kind of stuff was also restricted.

    It isn’t just the children that are making excuses. It seems adults do it all time time these days. Heck, when Andrea Yates murdered her kids she was defended by a group of women who said it was okay because she was liberating her children. It was the excuse she didn’t want them to go to hell that justified such a horrific crime.

    The role models these children have make excuses so they make excuses in return.

    I think its sad that parents will baby their children even when they need a little tough love. I know a woman who was molested so she smothers her children so much they aren’t even allowed to play with other children unless they are at school.

    Her son wanted to go to summer camp, but she wouldn’t let him go until her minister convinced her it would be okay. He had to promised that he would bring him home if he was scared. Mind you this child is around 10 or 11 I believe. I attended summer camp for the first time at 6 and loved every minute of it. Different times I guess.

  • Orchid

    Lady Dragonfyre – The notion that “liberals” always favor a soft approach in all aspects of life is complete nonsense. The only reason to assert such a thing is that one wants to assert conservatism with wholesome child discipline and liberalism with weak and bad parenting. It’s a shallow and subjective conclusion and serves only to create polarized discussions.

    The main problem with parents who raise needy and insecure children is not that they aren’t punishing them or are coddling them but they are not setting boundaries and are too tired, lazy, indifferent, or insecure (pick a character flaw, any character flaw) to stand up to their children when they challenge any boundaries they set. Children need boundaries but most parents offer their children unlimited choices and too much power too early. This makes kids insecure because they don’t perceive their parent is a solid support for their them.

    The irony is that parents think empowering their children by letting them have control over too many aspects of their lives is going to make them more responsible and self-reliant when doing so at too young an age has the opposite impact.

    The problem isn’t about discipline or fretting and over-attentive parents. That’s too simplistic a conclusion to reach. Children don’t perceive responsibility the same way as adults. Adults tend to see only undesirable choices and activities as “responsibility”. For kids, it is about all choices to be made and if too much is offered to them too early, they get frustrated, tense, and insecure. They’ll begin to look more and more to their parents in an attempt to feel secure and make someone else make the choices they’re being overwhelmed by.

    So, yes, it is all the parents’ fault but not for the reason everyone thinks.

  • http://www.alarilla.com joey alarilla

    hi ashtyn, as someone who grew up in the 80s, i agree that my generation seems to be more independent than the kids these days.

    yup, i’m finally on the other side of the generation gap, heh, which makes me feel kind of sheepish considering my younger days as a rebel.

    now that i’m the father of a precocious daughter who’ll be turning 5 in a few months, i do have to fight the urge to spoil her. i’m not sure — maybe it’s because some of us overcompensate as parents for what we never had as kids, or maybe it’s because parents have changed from what they were a few decades ago.

    i’d like to think we’re now more concerned with the work/life balance, particularly dads who are now taking a more active role in raising their kids. we now have more freedom, thanks to technology and cultural changes, to be hands-on parents. unfortunately, just like most institutions, the authority of parents has also been eroded.

    we might no longer be as comfortable being the infallible superbeings we thought our parents were when we were young, but this doesn’t mean we should become lax in bringing up our children, or become overprotective of them in our desire to become their friends.

    the last thing we need is for parents to become like regina’s mom in mean girls.

  • http://www.ladydragonfyre.com/index_files/LWS Lady Dragonfyre

    Lady Dragonfyre – The notion that “liberals” always favor a soft approach in all aspects of life is complete nonsense.

    I said it was a liberal tendency. I also didn’t say that liberals always favor a soft approach in ALL aspects of life. I was just saying that there’s a tendency amongst liberals to engage in over-lenient parenting.

    The only reason to assert such a thing is that one wants to assert conservatism with wholesome child discipline and liberalism with weak and bad parenting.

    Nope, I’m not trying to say that traditional conservative parenting is the best way to raise a child. I’m not a conservative. Personally, I find overly-severe discipline (ESPECIALLY hitting!) reprehensible and VERY counter-productive in the long run. IMO, I just think parents need to strike a balance. They need to place the feelings and needs of their kids above all else, and respect them as individuals. I think that the best way to show that respect is to set firm limits and be a role model they can follow. Parents shouldn’t be discipline “overlords,” but they shouldn’t be their kids’ friends, either.

    It’s a shallow and subjective conclusion and serves only to create polarized discussions.

    I try to be as objective as humanly possible. I consider myself middle-of-the-road. However, societal issues never arise from a vacuum. For example, consider the “liberalization” of the 60s. Were ALL liberally-minded people doing LCD and getting “free love” in the 60s? Of course not. Was there a connection? Yes. Do ALL Christian fundies hate gays? No. Is there a connection between anti-gay hatred and their doctrine? Yes.

    The main problem with parents who raise needy and insecure children is not that they aren’t punishing them or are coddling them but they are not setting boundaries and are too tired, lazy, indifferent, or insecure (pick a character flaw, any character flaw) to stand up to their children when they challenge any boundaries they set.

    I know. Despite popular opinion, I look at parenting as a privilege, not a right. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Accidents aside, if someone tires easily, lacks patience, or just doesn’t care, he/she shouldn’t have a child to begin with. Kids learn from their parents’ examples more than anything else. I’ve always found it incredibly ironic that teachers have to obtain licensure, pass drug and criminal background checks, AND show excellent character in and out of school JUST to work with children for eight hours a day, five days a week. Parents, on the other hand, don’t even need to take parenting classes.

    Children need boundaries but most parents offer their children unlimited choices and too much power too early. This makes kids insecure because they don’t perceive their parent is a solid support for their them.

    Right, but when children aren’t even allowed to make mistakes, their insecurity and interdependence grows even stronger.

    The problem isn’t about discipline or fretting and over-attentive parents. That’s too simplistic a conclusion to reach.

    I didn’t say that was THE problem; I just offered it as A problem.

    Adults tend to see only undesirable choices and activities as “responsibility”.

    I don’t. While driving, it’s my responsibility to keep my vehicle from running someone over. In most cases, I don’t view this activity as undesirable.

    Seriously though, I understand what you’re saying.

    So, yes, it is all the parents’ fault but not for the reason everyone thinks.

    I don’t think it’s ALL their fault. Children are individuals with their own natural temperaments and personal issues as well.

  • VAL

    Oh Thank You! I thought it was just me who feels that there is something wrong with the way kids are being raised these days. Let me just let you know that I am a mother of 4 kids (15,12,11 & 8), all of whom are well behaved, productive, normal children. They were all raised with a mixture of love and dicipline as best as we are able to provide to them. As much as it broke my heart when they all in there own ways started pulling away from me and becoming independant, I knew it was right. In my mind the problem would be if they stayed too needy and too dependant on me, but from what I’ve seen around me this was not the “popular” way of thinking. I have to stop myself from asking parents that I know if they think they are doing the kids a favor when they make excuses and let there kids think that the rules don’t apply to them. Life will hit those children hard when they go into the real world with land lords and bosses who won’t take the excuses or who expect them to follow the rules like everyone else.