Now that I have liberated myself from the last zoo I worked at, I feel that it is my duty to document the IT (Information Technology) world for those out there that happen to enter it. I wish I had seen the TV show The Office to see if I was ripping it off, but I have to get this off my chest while I have the inspiration light turned on. I am sure that someone has had a similar idea and am ready for any complaints.
I’m intending this as a good PSA (Public Service Announcement) for all the non IT people out there. It is no accident that I have made all of the managers predators, and it is not due to anger or resentment. If I was angry, I would have compared my past managers to the characters from the “Wizard of Oz” – no heart, no brains and no courage. If you find yourself fitting one of the animal profiles, it is up to you if you want to single yourself out.
The Eager Beaver
I think there is a little Eager Beaver in all of us when we start in a new department. This character is the one that is always coming up with new innovative ideas that, while brilliant, will never be implemented. There are many varieties of this beaver, from the one that eventually gets beat down and controlled to the one that actually tells his boss he is just stupid. And, yes, to his face… and, yes, I have seen this one in the wild. Eager Beavers know what they are doing when it comes to technology; however they spent too much time on new ideas and not enough on actual production.
Very hard to spot and very dangerous. This is the one animal you think is a friend but it is only gaining your trust to gather information while your guard is down. When the Barracuda attacks, you will never see it coming. The Barracuda has a vast knowledge of the company. They have probably been working with the company since its inception, and because of that they have inmunity to attacks from any other animal.
I am very proud of this animal. They are masters at not doing their job. When anyone approaches them, bosses included, they ball up and sometimes even shoot back. They have very good knowledge of an old system and refuse to learn something new. It is very amusing to see a Porcupine and a brand new Eager Beaver interact.
The Worker Bee
Thank God for the Worker Bee. Without the Worker Bee most companies would have closed long ago. You can see the Worker Bee getting to work before anyone else and working very late. The worker bee picks up the pieces that everyone else drops and actually makes them work together. Do not confuse the worker bee with our next friend the Remora. The Worker Bee at times is not as technical or talented as other animals, but thanks to hard work they always accomplish the task.
The Sharksucking Remora
My all time favorite animal… if I was a predator that could actually eat them. They are the all time boss-servicing fish that keeps them clean and shiny. They pretend to be Worker Bees because they are masters at taking credit for everything that is done right in the company. They might have some talent, but it is hard to tell the difference between accomplishments and stolen credit.
It is amazing how this animal even makes it in IT. They are characterized by a display of knowledge that is outstanding. They chose their feathers wisely since their knowledge cannot be countered by anyone else in the organization. They are so crafty, that at times they even become managers.
The Migratory Geese
Also known as consultants. These birds, that sometimes come from India, come in and promise to fix everything. They are always very knowledgeable, talented and at times cheap. However, at the last second, they are called back to their mother ship and leave the project halfway done. At that point, they promise to send other birds, but these ones are even more expensive and harder to track.