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The Grudge. An Lo, I wet myself

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The Following was posted by BlotchyPorridge at The Movie Blog
Take your hand. Cover it with glass shards.
Now cram it up your butt.
Grab a hold of your stomach.
Squeeze until everything’s shredded to bits.
Now, while you’re doing that, have a truck drive through your face.

You’re now watching “The Grudge” a movie made to freak you so intensely, you’ll voluntarily crap your pants just to ease the tension.

The amazing planners of The Toronto Film Fest brought us “Ju-on: The Grudge” – a horror film from Japan, who’s films as of late, seems to (finally) be re-defining the genre here in North America. Ju-on: The Grudge is no exception as it’s the freakiest thing I’ve ever seen. No furthur comparison needed, that’s the end of the sentence.
–Remember that wildly freaky scene in “the Shining” with the two girls staring at the end of the hallway? Haunted you forever, right? — This show is an hour and a half of that scene on crack. Movies like this create those mumbling people who talk to buildings.

ANECDOTES ABOUT THE MOVIE YOU MAY NOT CARE ABOUT:
– It was first made in two parts for Television in Japan. It got popular, they made a movie, which I just saw.
– Sam Raimi (Army of Darkness and Spiderman) is making a re-make – working along side the original director and is currently filming it in Japan. Okay, enough of the boring stuff.

SOIL YOURSELF STUFF:
Where other scary movies are released and seem to say: “We have this amazing, full story that’s very creepy at times” – like The Others or Sixth Sense — Ju-on seems to say this: “You came for a Ghost story – which is what you’re going to get. So sit there while we shove your heart through your butt-hoop. Go.”

The world of Ju-on takes place in a house – go figure – and it’s haunted. That’s about it. we see “the rest of the world” here and there, but it seems 75% of the movie is just this house with one really ticked off entity and all of the colliding time-limes of all the innocent suckers that keep encountering it. ….
….And there’s this cat….
…and there’s this whacked out lonely kid….
…and they stare….
…and gnarl.. And they FRICKIN’ STARE AND STARE AND STARE .. And then you piss yourself… and then there’s screaming…oh the screaming… And this shadow covers EVERYTHING.. AND THESE EYES, YOU CAN SEE THESE EYES, AND IT CRAWLS THROUGH DEMENTIA AND THE DARKNESS MOVES YOU’RE GRABBED BY THE SHADOW AND THEY’RE RIGHT BEHIND YOU AND .. .. I … just…crapped myself.

You should really see this. I need a mop.

Turn up your volume (not just for effect, but the volume encoding is VERY quiet) and click here to watch the only sub-titled Trailer for it I could find.. (click the “Audio/Video Materials” tab on the page)

Read more of John’s Film Thoughts at The Movie Blog

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  • Eric Olsen

    Whoa, I don’t know if I’d be up for this one. Great review, though. never heard “butt-hoop” before. I wonder if it would go with “assplow”

  • http://www.unproductivity.com Tom Johnson

    First it was “rocks the rectum,” then “assplow,” and now “butt-hoop.” I enjoy my time at Blogcritics because I truly do learn something new everyday I’m here.

    Seriously, however, just from the description, this sounds like some [i]seriously[/i] scary stuff. “Should I even bother trying to go to sleep?” fun!

  • BRICKLAYER

    I’m so all about the rectum rocking.

  • Eric Olsen

    “on the tree top”

  • BRICKLAYER

    “When the wife of brick calls, the cradle will rock”. (sing it like you’re David Lee Roth…”and I say ROCK ON!”.

  • Blotchyporridge

    Which reminds me.. if any one has videos of either of the original Ju-ons, oh hey, even has lot’s of “Dave TV” on tape, let me know….

    hehehe.. “Dave TV”. haven’t thought of that for a while…

  • http://www.makeyougohmm.com/ TDavid

    Shock horror, huh? Give me the Troma movies for that gross-out stuff. Any Toxic Avenger fans here?

  • blotchyporridge

    Dude, if you like cheesy gross-out stuff.. — You’d better get your hands on a copy of “BrainDead” — which is the unedited cut of Peter Jackson’s B-movie masterpiece “Dead Alive”. Very excellent. It’d probably be safe to assume you’ve seen it since yer a Toxie fan. But oh the nonsense. Such glory, I swear.

  • Antfreeze

    Yow! That trailer was seriously freaky. Little kids staring at you like they know something you don’t know is soooo spooky. Not sure I could afford the psychiatric bills if I watched the whole movie.

  • Josh

    As much as this movie makes your “heart jump through your butt-hoop” it doesn’t really do enough to at least try and make sense. Yes, things pop out at you and yes, it gets your blood to boil a bit, but after awhile you find yourself wondering where it is all going. And then once you’ve got to the point of really wanting some sort of explanation, the movie ends.
    Questions:
    1. The evil spirit only comes about due to a husband killing his wife because he found out that their child doesn’t actually belong to him? Come on. Sounds more like a Rikki Lake episode than a ghost story.
    2. What is the dealio with the little kid anyway? They say he came up missing at age 5, after his parents were both found dead and that is it. What happened to him after that? Did he get killed too? Huh?

    I’m sorry but this movie leaves way too much floating. I hope in the re-make they have a better justification for an evil spirit to be created in the first place and do something more with the kid.

  • robert mattioli

    What the hell is the purpose of this movie. I think anyone can agree that all its worth is an enema. the story goes nowhere and nothing gets resolved or even clarified. And how many times did that chick Rika die? I could of swore it was twice.

  • fjgjh

    i love too pee my pants

  • blotchyporridge

    Hey folks.

    Okay. First, the Rika question:

    – there have been a few people asking about her – She did not die on her first visit to the house, as she was found sitting in shock in the corner later on. Remember that? – okay goody.
    – She was then taken to the hospital and recovered. But was still haunted by the ghosts/curse. The Ju-on caught up with her when she was visited while lying in bed… Woman leaning over, child at the the foot of the bed..
    — After this encounter, it is over heard on the radio that she is dead. I’ve only ever assumed that when the Ju-on caught up to her, it got her.

    And keep in mind folks, that “The Grudge” is the 3rd installment of the Ju-on series. Granted, it is independent of the previous two, but after seeing the first two, it really sets the pace and creates a lot more (disturbing) back story as you head into the 3rd one.

  • Ellegon

    I saw a lot of people who kind of dislike this film because they think they found plot holes or things like that.

    I mean you can dislike the film but I just want to adress something.

    The ghosts: A man flips out, tortures and kills his wife, the kid and the cat. Then he presumably commits suicide.

    Now they’re back as ghosts and they kill everyone that enters in contact with them, or their house. And everybody that comes in close contact with the people who were in contact with, and subsequently killed by, the aformentionned ghosts. And so on and so forth.

    You shouldn’t go looking for earthly logic in unearthly cinematographic events. If you can suspend your disbelief long enough to get into a ghost story, it dosen’t make sense to try and look for a rationale or an MO and then be bothered when you find that there aren’t any.

    You know what’s unbelievable. THERE ARE GHOSTS IN THE MOVIE. Once you get past that, don’t go looking for cause and effect.

    There is no motivation, there is no tragic pain that they have and want to be releived of. They suffered horribly and now they just pursue and kill without rhyme or reason anyone or anything that they can get their ghoulish hands on.

    They are ghosts. Everyone dies and that’s it.

    Now, liking it or not is another story. But to me the fact that there are no explaination, or reason or rationale makes it doubly scary. None of these people who died did anything wrong. They couldn’t really have avoided their fate. They just walked right into it without knowing it. After that it was too late.

    Still gives me the chils just writing this.

  • http://www.geocities.com/mondoirlando Aaron, Duke De Mondo

    john, you’ll be pleased to know Ju-On recently made it onto The Duke’s Five Scariest Flicks What You Ever Did See list. It was the original tv one i went for, but there’s very little in it to be honest. As you pointed out here, the theatrical one is a masterpiece also. Ju-On 2 suprised the bejesus out of me by being brilliant as well. There’s a twist for you. A decent Asian horror sequel. Man, those Asians. What’ll they think of next?