In about a week, Scott Baird will become the oldest Winter Olympian ever, at age 54. Baird will represent Team USA at the curling event in Torino. (Insert funny remark here.)
It’s true. This is nothing more than comic relief. It nice to see an old Olympian but the event he competes in cannot be construed as a sport. The game he plays is nothing more than a mixture of shuffleboard and bocce on ice. I can’t see where any athletic ability whatsoever comes into play during curling.
Now I know what those pro-curling people are saying and they are probably right. I have no idea what I’m talking about when it comes to curling. I’m just a spoiled American who if put on the ice, would choose hockey over being a human zamboni. The thing is; I have this silly little rule that goes as follows:
If by 20 years old, you have never played, been asked to play, or come in contact with anyone who has ever thought about playing a so-called sport, it probably isn’t a sport.
Granted, I have a few months until I reach that age, but I highly doubt that any of my old chaps are going to ask me to take part in a riveting game or curling anytime soon.
I have also always felt that if there is a debate as to whether or not something is a sport, then odds are it’s not, but there are holes in that idea. One might ask how I can consider golf or auto racing a sport, but not curling.
Well, you see there is this crazy old woman who lives down the street from me. She is probably around 85 and one of the few true bi-polar people I have ever known. One day she was hitting us with a broom, chasing us off the street. The next, she was watching me pass a baseball with the delight of a five year old. Till this day, she still calls me “railroad arm.” Apparently, she thinks I’m Walter Johnson.
Anyway, her claim to fame is that she is the woman who tries keep the streets clean, literally. On a daily basis, she sweeps dirt off the road as though she was cleaning her kitchen floor. She is a damn good sweeper.
I feel like while she would make a pretty decent curler because of her uncanny sweeping ability, she could not come close to hitting a five iron or drive 120 MPH trying to hit turns the right way.
Rule #2: If old crazy woman who sweeps the street can still do it, there is no way that it’s a sport.
With that being said, I probably will tune into some of the curling event in Torino if for no other reason than a reason to use the words biter, bonspiel, eight-end, hogger, and spinner in same twenty minute span.
Oh, and supposedly the USA is marketing its women’s curling team as quite a bunch of lookers.