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The Gentlewoman from Minnesota: A Salute to Michele Bachmann

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Not much has gone well for Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann since she began her campaign for the Republican Party’s presidential nomination earlier this year.

Virtually from the onset, her husband and close political collaborator, Marcus, was teased about being a closeted gay man, an idea which caught steam after it was revealed that he operated, in essence, a psychological clinic for self-hating homosexuals. After this, victory in a key Iowa straw poll was immediately overshadowed by Texas Governor Rick Perry’s entrance into the race, an event which resulted in terrible developments for Michele, as he not only fractured and absorbed much of her support base, but also got the best of her emotionally in a televised debate over the ethics of providing preadolescent females with vaccinations to prevent cancer. As if all of this were not bad enough, influential figures within the Buckeye state’s theo-conservative movement have actually encouraged her to drop out so another candidate, either Perry or former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, can receive the full support of fundamentalist Christian voters.

Watching cable news a few nights ago, I noticed her being interviewed by an awkward anchor who gently asked Bachmann if she would consider ending her run and endorse a more electable candidate. He was treating Iowa as if it were already a lost cause for her, and any possible win beyond that as improbability defined. She kept her cool and smiled, though it was plain to see that she was betraying her feelings on both counts. Instead of attacking the notion of quitting, however, she treated it as being totally out of the question. Why? Because, if memory serves, failure was simply not an option as far as she was concerned.

It is Bachmann’s resilient can-do attitude and, I do believe, simplicity of heart that make her candidacy so outstanding. Though I feel that she is far too inexperienced and blinded by extreme religious beliefs to be a serious contender for the presidency, one thing she has been is consistent. Consistent in nauseating social policies, horrid campaign tactics, and, at times, bombastic rhetoric over simple facts? Absolutely. Nonetheless, she has a remarkable depth of knowledge about fiscal and national security matters alike. In that same interview, she likened herself to Margaret Thatcher; a strong-willed conservative woman capable of facing even the toughest governmental challenges before her. It is very sad to say that this could so easily be true if it were not for her critical deficits in understanding the dynamics of a secular society and fostering polished presentation skills.

All things considered, she is the best thing that the ultraconservative front has going for it, which is why it is completely unsurprising that she was thrown under the bus. Knowing the ins and outs of the legislative process in a way that only Perry could have the capacity to dream of (on second thought, Perry might not), and possessing an energetic spirit that exposes Santorum’s wet cardboard for exactly what it is, Bachmann would have been a respectable opponent for a more mainstream candidate along the lines of Mitt Romney or Jon Huntsman. Alas, she will more than likely wither away after an embarrassing defeat in her birth state of Iowa, leaving the far right to busy itself with Perry, Santorum, and, if he has not done himself in with his own sheer idiocy masked in supreme arrogance by this point, Newt Gingrich. At any rate, her steadfastness and will to meet an obstacle must be commended.

Michele Bachmann, this Teddy Roosevelt-Nelson Rockefeller-Dwight Eisenhower Republican wishes you nothing but the best in your future personal, though not necessarily partisan, endeavors.

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About Joseph F. Cotto

  • Opurple

    Bachmann should drop out of the race. The longer she stays in the race, the more suffer is to the GOP. It is common to see people come and go for their interest in any institute or business, Bachmann’s response to the person who left her is unbelievable. Be open-minded to face it. If you want to be a president, you should be able to accommodate situations like this.

  • Diane

    I totally agree with this article. The conservative right threw her under the bus. As a fiscal conservative and social moderate, I was very excited about her candidacy. She is much more articulate than Sarah Palin and I think probably would have gotten the educated women vote had she not gone so far to the right. She just blew it after Iowa when she went after the HPV vaccine. This is a vaccine which can save women’s lives. It was a bad move. I wish her the best

  • Kenn Jacobine

    Congresswoman Bachmann is a liar. She boasts about being a former tax attorney but never mentions it was against taxpayers as an IRS agent. This can hardly be considered small-government minded. Then she lies about Kent Sorenson accepting lots of cash to defect from her campaign to Ron Paul’s. She will even besmirsch the good name of a man for her own political ends. Lastly, She is lying about how thousands of Paul’s supporters are now supporting her. Bachmann represents what is wrong with our political system. She will sell-out just to get power.

    She doesn’t have to drop out of the race – the voters will do that for her.

  • http://cinemasentries.com/ El Bicho

    “Not much has gone well…”

    Being a terrible candidate will do that.

  • Baronius

    “All things considered, she is the best thing that the ultraconservative front has going for it, which is why it is completely unsurprising that she was thrown under the bus.”

    I don’t understand what you mean by that.

  • trey mon bien

    Bachman receives farm subsidies – the very same kind she shames other farmers for accepting.

    Is the ‘inexperience’ you speak of the same as lack of intelligence?

    Bachman ‘mispseaks’ (euphemism for ‘lies’ and simply put ‘doesn’t know what the ^$&# she’s talking about’) quite a lot on simple facts. And her and her husband should stop claiming to be “Christian.” I haven’t heard one true Christian sentiment or witnessed one heart-felt Christian act from either one of them.

    I’m actually against people shilling for God in the political arena and would prefer that all politicians practice what our founding fathers advocated – separation of church and state. Bachman is obviously not familiar with the US Constitution (HINT: read article VI)

    “Gentlewoman”? Not in my humble opinion. Bachman is as mean-spirited as the others. And the fact that she ain’t too bright just makes her all the more dangerous.

  • trey mon bien

    I forgot to ask. You wrote, “It is Bachmann’s resilient can-do attitude and, I do believe, simplicity of heart that make her candidacy so outstanding.”

    Are you certain you’re not mistaking narcissism and delusional character for ‘can do spirit’?

  • Igor

    It’s true, as Kenn pointed out, that Bachmans only legal experience was as an IRS agent, but one can say that malevolence was mitigated by her educational incompetence (her law degree is from ‘Regents’ university, a diploma mill founded by Oral Roberts to supply degreed rightists to compliant politicians like George Bush), and by the fact her colleagues complained that she was never in the office, always taking time off to do things for her kids.

    Her incompetence and poor attendance record at work probably nullified any damage she might have done in service to the oppressive IRS. So all she did was take money (from the government) under false pretenses.